Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision

Let's Get Spiritual

2012-01-28T15:12:00.006-05:00

My church's youth leader writes these one-page newsletters and hangs them in frames in the bathrooms. They are called "Stall Talk". Cute.

Anyway, she quoted Henri Nouwen (1) who says we all answer the question Who Am I in one of three ways:

I am what I do
I am what I have
I am what other people say about me

Since I have been preoccupied with this question myself, and feel like a youth this newsletter is addressing, I thought it appropriate to ponder how an adult would answer these questions.

First, I thought about the extremes of any one answer.

I am what I do.

I am a teacher, a mom, a tutor, a writer. I know plenty of people who claim a title like this and that is it. They are the ultimate That.

The ultimate Mom, giving their every waking moment to their kids. They wear tattered clothes, have disheveled hair, maybe let themselves get fat from unhealthy eating, maybe wrap themselves in home cooked meals, maybe stay up late washing clothes, taking care of pets, and cleaning house so they can get up early and run the kids to all their practices and lessons.

The ultimate teacher, at school 16 hours a day, copying, tutoring, researching, running 6 or 7 clubs and sports.

Can it be destructive? sure. Can it be rewarding? sure. It's how much and how far and how taxing on your health the stress of the title is.

I am what I have.

Greed. Power. Any of the billionaires with several estates and personal jets and maids and servants and lovers and money to throw at whatever vice amuses them at the time.

Or the fabled 'Joneses' who have to have the newest car, nicest house, best clothes, and perfect presentation.

I am what other people say about me.

Self-fulfilling prophecy, or worrier.

The way people talk behind your back! They think you are (insert adjective) and so you will be!
Either the extreme of this person changes to fit every social situation, often back-stabbing others and being two-faced, or this person is so worried about what others think, they get an ulcer!

But the idea here is that we are NOT these things. The idea is that we are a child of God.

(I know, I never get all religious up in here, and God is a sticky subject on the internets. But it's Sunday. So I said it.)

The POINT is:

Saying that we are who we need to be breaks the cycle.

See, when you ARE one or all of these things; you are doing what you feel you are supposed to do, you have the things you feel you need, and people are saying nice things about you, you feel really uplifted and happy. When you start to slip from this precipice, you feel down and sad and wonder how to get that feeling back. It's cyclical.

But by looking at yourself through a different perspective (saying you are right where you need to be, you don't have to listen to naysayers, you can do something slightly different and make it work) you can break the cycle.

I can't count how many times something from my religion has been simply about doing or thinking things differently.

Really.

How many places can we go to get a different perspective? Just drop everything, the baggage, and stop in your tracks, your path, your cycle, and breathe and begin to gain new insights.

Perhaps in yoga or spiritual training or some kind. Perhaps in church or synagogue or meditation or prayer. Perhaps in therapy, or on the bus, or lying awake at night when everything is still and quiet and the tears have all dried on your cheeks.

These places and times are few and far between. At least going to church or a regular meeting increases the chances that one of these reflective moments will occur. If I am taking time to look at things with fresh eyes as often as once a week, I can center myself and break out of any cycles I am stuck in.

So, How would an adult answer these questions?

Pretty much the same as a teenager, but with more experience! These questions plague us just as much now as they did years ago. You constantly strive to become someone. You have to reset your goals and build up.

In Sapphique the character Jared says: "Life is a series of stairs up which we climb. ..Your horizons have moved." Thanks Catherine Fisher!

Who am I?
I am still learning. And that's okay!

Footnotes:
1. Read about Henri's POV here.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Blogger Interview: 10 Questions

2012-01-22T09:37:00.007-05:00

1. As a blogger, what do you draw inspirations from for your posts?
Life, other blogs (like Dasia's where I stole this list from), rants, and other thoughts.

2. If you could swap blogs with another blogger for a post, who would you switch with and why?
This is why I have 3 blogs! I can talk about all my favorite things.. be different people..no, I am always me. One blog is for encouragement of others, one for writing topics, and one for being me.

3. If your blog had a theme song, what would it be? Why?
This blog, it would be my current favorite, 'Hey Hey' by Superchick.

4. What is your writing process for a post?
Lightning of inspiration strikes, I start typing, edit as I go, make it all sound pretty good, publish, re-edit when I notice mistakes. :)

5. Your blog requires a cute, new, mascot - what would it be?

Baby painted turtle. First of all, I had one, just like this one, that I rescued. Here's mine:

Plus, I'm all tough on the outside, or want to be, but really a softie in the inside.

6. Do you feel you express your "true self" on your blog?
I do. I have had to delete posts because I was too real on here, too embarrassingly real.

7. What is your biggest online pet-peeve?

Let me get back to you.. I can't just throw pet peeves around at every beck and call. I try to be tolerant, so I forget the things that annoy me. But when I find one, I'll let you know..

8. If you could live in a fictional universe, where would you live? Why?
I used to imagine part of my property growing up was Terebithia from the book, and part was a haven for the Ewoks. So, somewhere with a forest and friendly furry creatures. :)

9. You're having a bad day, you're upset, you're angry, or you're sad - what is your go-to comfort?
Chat friends. Ficly stories. Facebook posts. Something to get my mind off of it and cheer me up. Talking to people is often the best. I don't even have to talk about my problems, I could help them with theirs.
You thought I would say 'my husband', but often he has already had his say, or isn't really involved, or is too involved.

10. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
Oo! I just wrote down a new one:

No matter how you feel, Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up.

Unless of course you have the stomach flu, you should be active and present in your life. If I don't get dressed up and lounge around, I'm not going to be productive.

The rest of these questions dissolve into silliness, asking about vampires, the end of the world, movies based on your life, what would you change, etc.

Let me sum up with this:

I'd like my life to have a carefree sort of 'Eat, Pray, Love' vibe,
I have no idea who would play me, and if there was a movie about it, it would be boring.
2012 should be about becoming who I want to be the next 30 years of my life.
I will try to keep all my bad habits out of my blog, because one thing I need to learn is to keep more personal details to myself!

Thanks Dasia for posting the original!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Want to be Aunt Meg

2012-01-18T17:58:00.005-05:00

I wrote this based on the character of Aunt Meg in Twister. Events are fictional.

When I ran away from home at the age of 9 with a Barbie suitcase, I went to her house.

When I and 3 of my best friends needed a place to sleep off a party, we crashed at Aunt Meg’s.

When I showed up at 2AM, soaking wet with nothing but the clothes on my back, she gave me an old t-shirt while she washed my clothes and let me use all the hot water to shower. Then she made whatever warm drink I pleased without asking about what brought me to her house at such an ungodly hour.

Best of all, when my mother called, ranting and raving, she calmed her down and didn’t make me talk to her if I didn’t feel like it.

Even if all she had in large enough quantity to feed me was pancake mix, it was the most delicious meal in the world.

She was technically my great-aunt, my grandmother’s older sister. She had long silver hair, which she wore however she pleased.

It wasn’t until her funeral today I learned her first name wasn’t Meg.

I want to reinvent myself into this character. :)

The first step is allowing people to come into my house and use or wreck my things and not get upset.. :/

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Want to be Paid to be Me

2012-01-14T14:55:00.006-05:00

Do you have a job?

I have two jobs. This is Significant because last year at this time I was extremely desperate for a job. I interviewed for a position running a home for handicapped individuals and failed miserably.

If you do, what is it and do you like it?

I follow an autistic student around to his classes and help him survive them. I am there to help make his disability less disabling. I enable. I bridge the gap between his world and ours.

This new curriculum for eighth graders in the Home Ec. area has been great. I have the privilege of sitting in with my student every day and learning about colleges, the state requirements for high school graduation, dreaming about the future, and job interviews. The class is really fun.

I learned what I did wrong in my interview.

And also what I did wrong on my applications for previous jobs.

Why couldn't they have taught this when I needed it?! :)

Then later in 2011 I picked up my second job tutoring another autistic child. I have learned so much about behavior, autism, learning, tutoring, and the education system.

I knew all along two things:
1. I am a good tutor and I work well with special needs.
2. I am NOT cut to fit into the box teachers have to fit in to work in this current political educational climate.

Maybe a private school or charter school, but not public; not with all the hoops.

What job would you like to have?

I want to be an author.
I want to be paid to deliver an inspiring message to kids about doing good, or being who they want to be, or to get an education however they can and being awesome.
I want to be a counselor, mentor, or just hear the wonderful stories people tell because I inspired them to do things.
I want to set my hours.
I want to participate in my children's growth and development. Not watch them, not send them off to school every day and enroll them in classes so all I have to do is feed them and kiss their boo-boos, no. I want to play a pivotal role. I want to take them to fun places, show them how tadpoles turn into frogs, and share the stories I loved as a child.

I want to be paid to be me!

Any suggestions on how to mix all of me into some sort of independent business??

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Jackets in January?

2012-01-07T17:09:00.002-05:00

Maybe in your part of the world it is usually jacket weather, or perhaps even summer, but around here we usually have snow.

This warm weather is beneficial for heating bills and vehicular maintenance, however. :)

So after we ran our errands; recycling batteries, plastic bottles, and plastic bags (which have to go to a different place) we picked up the parts we needed.

No, recycling is not part of a New Year's thing to Go Green. It's just part of what we do. We burn extra paper and cardboard, and use reusable bags when we get groceries, and carpool, too.

Yet it seems the world is still warming up! :) This erratic weather, with storms, and heavy winds, and floods, and ice that we've been having must mean something, don't ya think?

This guy changed his mind. Even in the face of those critics he lunched with every day, he found that the data pointed him away from their communal table of noon repast, and over to the opposing side. Imagine the food fight!

Okay, so there wasn't one. But this blog needed some pizazz!

I haven't done my own studies, not being a climatologist, but I've noticed a lot of changes in the weather in my neck of the woods over time.

I guess you could say that is one advantage to not moving away; being knowledgeable of the climate, where to recycle, and what oil you need to winterize your car.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Puppy Saga

2012-01-05T20:05:00.005-05:00

This week we had a stray dog deliver pups in my dog's doghouse, effectively kicking him out of it! This is momma dog with a pup at her elbow.

Animal Control tried to get her, and I found out later at least 3 of my neighbors had also called about her over the past months, but after tranquilizing her, she refused to come out of the doghouse.

Though we made arrangements to have her picked up Saturday (today), when that tranq wore off, she was mighty protective. She was scaring the neighbor kids, so a neighbor called Animal Control again and they came out and shot her.

At that time 2 pups were still alive. The cold temps and her lack of milk because she was starving did in the rest of her litter. I fed them and helped them use the bathroom, and my husband was able to get a lady from the shelter out to pick them up the next day.

I hope they live, are cared for, and loved. Best Wishes pups!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

10 Ways to End the Old Year and Welcome the New

2011-12-31T10:46:00.008-05:00

1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?

Let's face it, traumatic moments stick with you more, so the most memorable moment is coming home to the death of my doggie.

2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?

I have learned a lot about how to work with my autistic student, learned about new changes in education that made me want to homeschool and, for once, happy that I am not employed as a teacher. I learned about publishing ebooks with smashwords, and how to do some promotion. Something has changed, something has matured. I look back on the past decade and see what my mother-in-law always says: "I would never go back to my twenties! They were the hardest years of my life!"

3: A person who has impacted your life in some way this year.

Just one?? We all learn from each other. I've met some amazing teachers and substitutes. Saw myself in a few of them! I've helped some amazing kids and young adults. Some of them helped me! I hope they all grow up to be caring and considerate individuals. Even the lady and gentleman who cut my hair (I only had it cut twice) this year gave me some advice. There are those that inspire me who are most influential. Those that support me leave marks, but those that love me leave the greatest marks of all.

4: Something you’ve learned this year.

I learned that I can publish ebooks on smashwords that people will read. I learned that I really don't want to be a teacher in this day and age. I want to love what I do, and while I am a good teacher, I can impact the lives of others without the politics of the educational system. I love writing and want to focus on that.

5: Describe an adventure you had this year.

I do a lot of complaining on my blog. Ranting is one thing, being honest is another, but who wants to read a bunch of complaints? When I was looking back for an adventure, I thought, 2011 was supposed to be a better year, and yet here I am dwelling on the things that broke, the stresses, and where was my happiness?

It's easier to write about the bad things that annoy you, to get them off your chest. Life is an adventure. There are bad things. I think the greatest adventure this past year was hiking in Turkey Run state park. Especially when we came up a trail and convinced ourselves there was a shortcut, but there wasn't and we had to backtrack.. Then there was the tornado warning and we all had to go in the basement! Later in the year we went to Holiday World and got rained out and drove home in a wicked storm.

2012's adventure? High school. (In August I will follow my student there.) And at the same time, Kindergarten! (My youngest starts school.)

6: Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?

Focus on using your words wisely.

7: 10 things you want to say 10 people.

1. I love you.

2. I cherish our talks together.

3. Just because you forget about me, doesn't mean I forget about you.

4. Remember me when you win the lottery!! :)

5. Try harder to save money.

6. Watch for opportunities and don't be afraid to try, even if it seems everything is okay right now.

7. Things often come in threes, or when you are not looking for them.

8. Begin to see the wonder in tiny moments every day.

9. Failure is how we learn, so figure out what to do, or how to do it the right way. Keep trying.

10. You can learn to love life. Sometimes it takes more effort than you think. You have to learn to love yourself first.

8: Things you hope for in 2012.

I hope for.. money saved, words used wisely, a family trip, savoring the small moments, good health, and taking advantage of sunny days.

I hope a friend talks to me that I've been missing.

I hope to get an agent for the book. I hope to finish two or three more books this year.

9: What are you looking forward to in 2012?

Summer break!

10: Anything you wish to say to end 2011/start 2012.

The key to happiness is excitement for the future, so make every day count. After all, you don't know how much time there is.

Note To Readers

2011-12-30T23:22:00.004-05:00

I deleted half of the posts here.

Why?

It needed to be done.

Some posts, I don't want to remember. Who cares if I was sick or a car was broken? The puppies are long gone, the posts that got the most comments are gone too, because those issues are over.

I am a new woman. I left a lot, but there are some chapters of my life story that need to be closed. I also changed this blog's background. It's ready to face the unknown and come out the hero(ine) of this story.

Sorry for deleting the dancing video, but it reminded me of things I don't want to be reminded of. Not the fact that I am still jiggly, nor that I want to be healthier and fitter, but people and places and other things I had tied to it.

I hope this purging leads to more organizing in my life. I may even delete a few more. It feels kind of good. I was reminded of who I was, how I lived, and what I desired. In fact, a couple old Resolution posts were great and I kept them.

This is big for me, because I hang onto things FOREVER. *deep breath* Now I can focus on what's really important.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Personal Discussion on Resolutions

2011-12-30T11:00:00.006-05:00

It's that time again: New Year's Resolutions!

I realize I never shared any with you readers last year. I wrote them in a journal, however, and pulled them back out to see if I accomplished them. I have divided them into categories so my left brain and right brain would both be happy.

All goals associated with the boys were met. I am such a good teacher! No, they are just growing and learning. :) I have a role in their development, sure, but they were going to learn these skills anyway.

Goals regarding my marriage (what, don't you have some?) were often determined by my daily health a.k.a. tiredness. Steady work also makes for longer days, so there's only so much time left for reconnecting and decompressing. We have worked together to find ways to be together, to appreciate each other, and to plan mini dates. The ideas I had in January did not always work out, but I remained flexible and changed them.

Travel goals still remain, partly due to the fact that 4 year olds don't travel long distances in cars well. :) But as he ages, I need to focus on saving for vacation travel so that when he is old enough, I have enough money.

My personal goals almost remain the same! This means that I did not accomplish them last year. They are either too big or I am lazy...BUT it's a new year.

As I pondered what goals I have for this year, I searched the internets for the Top 10 New Year's Resolutions.

1. Spend More Time With Family And Friends
This is our legacy! Of course we want to spend more time with the people we love, because they are going to hold our memories when we are gone. No really, what is it you want most when you are in the hospital thinking about how little time you have left? More time with family, to appreciate the small moments, to impart wisdom, to share those warm bubbly feelings of love.

2. Get Fit!
This is about being healthy. This is where I feel I have fallen short. I don't really know if I have any health issues, for sure, but I think I do and need to have them taken care of. No one knows your body like you do, so if you have concerns, like me, you (and I) should get to a doctor and share them. I think another goal fits in here, anything food or cooking related. And you know exercise is great for other areas of your health, mental and social, so that fits here as well. Which is part of number three..

3. Lose Weight
This is the general label we place on our resolutions, but I think number 2 is much more important. This may be why this goal fails. Stress can lead to weight gain, depression to overeating, so if you aren't addressing the mental and social aspects, you won't achieve the weight loss, nor have the motivation to make the lifestyle changes necessary.

4. Quit Smoking
Not an issue for me.

5. Enjoy Life More
This is about getting a hobby, going to the theater, taking vacations, and all those fun things you always wanted to do. This goal takes financial and health planning. This goal could also just be a social goal, playing with your children, joining a club or team, or going out with friends or on mini dates. :)

6. Quit Drinking
Also not an issue for me. I'd give advice about 4 and 6 but you'd not believe me.

7. Get Out of Debt
Again, financial planning. I read an article on this titled something like Live Debt Free, and it was just a candid story about people who did. No tips, the only advice was to pay off your debts as soon as you can. Hmm, most people accrue debt because they have to, like the 7,000 dollars in water repair this past year, or 13,000 in student loans, or 1,700 for a used car. Or how about a house? Of course, paying them off is ideal, but in order to do so, you have to budget. For me, the water debt is immense. Student loans have programs in place to help deal with them. The water debt has no programs. I don't expect to get out of debt. As soon as the water is paid off, the house will need a roof or central air. That's how it goes. Unless we get pay increases, we will be accruing debts to pay for these things. The trick is so keep it manageable.

I decided to go see what Dave Ramsey thinks my budget should be, so I went to onemonthtolive.com, signed in, clicked on the financial health tab, and went to the budget calculator. One you enter your amount, it spits out some numbers. Firstly, the only thing we come in under budget is our house. I said we got a great deal! But upon further examination, he allots 5% for utilities. Does he LIVE in America?? What electric bill is 5% of your income, let alone water, gas, or phone and internet?! Good grief, my utilities easily take 10% or more. There are some months where it is less, but when I have to pay the expensive months, other things are not in the budget, like clothing, medical, and savings. There is no clothing budget, ever. That's what GIFTCARDS are for, and birthdays and Christmas. We also shop at Goodwill and yard sales. 25 cents for that? Sure!

8. Learn Something New
This was something I wanted to do last year. The things we want to learn are supposed to be fun. It's just that often the lessons we learn are not the fun kind! Be careful with this one.. Perhaps this should be amended to "remember what lessons you have learned", because I'm sure I learned some new things in a year, but I do not recall them right now.

9. Help Others
Ample opportunities abound for this one. If this is number 9, why aren't more people out there helping?? If we are to give 10% of our income to charity, as Dave Ramsey says, what would you give it to? What about our time? I give a lot of my time to my church.

10. Get Organized
Perhaps the best way to do this is to SIMPLIFY. Here's my half-baked idea that I won't follow, but if you can, more power to ya and I want to hear about it! 1. Empty a room of your house, a closet, or nook. 2. Place items back in the room that you need, furniture, appliances, toothbrushes until the room looks like one of those pictured in Better Homes and Gardens. 3. See all the rest of that stuff you didn't put back?? Get rid of it! Put it in a yard sale and save up for a vacation!

So the truth here is that people set these goals and NEVER follow through. (See me for an example.) Why?

You know why! Laziness, unmotivated, excuses, etc.

So what advice is out there to finally do it this year? 2 options:

Option one
1. Choose your goals
2. Break them into smaller steps
3. Get support
4. Make a routine or schedule the event in

Option two
1. Create a plan
2. Write it down
3. Think year-round
4. Remain flexible

I go with option two often. It doesn't get me anywhere and is quite right-brained. The left-brain is furious at the right-brain when it does this. The two sides can shake hands over step 3 of option one. THIS is what I have been missing. SUPPORT. I have to SHARE my personal goals with others so they can cheer me on, do it with me, or at least hold me accountable. I often skip this step and make a schedule that I don't follow or flake on the routine because I don't hold myself accountable.

So what are some more realistic and achievable resolutions?

Speak positively about others.
Take time to relax.
Learn a new recipe. Preferably something healthy..

And here is the correct way to actually Achieve them, by Richard Wiseman. He follows Option One.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Roses, Candlelight, and Snark-free blogging

2011-12-19T20:06:00.004-05:00

I wish I could write something cool. And I don't mean fiction, though I have been in a weird depressing mood lately when it comes to writing. I mean blogging.

I'm not snarky enough.

I LOVE snarkiness. I just don't get down and dirty and express strong opinions like the bloggers I love to read.

It's all roses and candlelight in here!

Again, at my age, I STILL get all "who am I and what am I going to do with my life?!"

That is where the depressing writing is coming from.

But I have realized that it takes years to develop into the person who is going to do something great and I won't even know it until it happens, (so it's best not to whine about it).

Did you know Clara Barton was a shy kid with a lisp when she was really nervous?? Her family tried boarding school, but she was bullied. It wasn't until her brother got sick and she nursed him back to health that she realized that was her calling. She tried teaching and desk clerk work, getting to know some influential people in D.C. Then she fought for permission to aide the wounded soldiers in the Civil War. After that, she spent years identifying remains for families. She finally gets away from it all in Switzerland and discovers the Red Cross.

She did what she loved, helping people, and found a way to influence the whole country. What a big heart from such a small, quiet lady.

I guess that's who I want to be. Not the nurse part, but the big-hearted person who makes an influence. Granted, it's harder to stand out in 7 billion people, but I am inspired to keep pushing for what I love.

And if that means snark-free blogs, well, I guess I'll just have to be me. Even if I feel like I'm in the desk clerk part of my life... I just can't see where all this is headed..

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Fall Blessings

2011-10-24T21:06:00.005-04:00

October has flown by!

It's my favorite season, and this autumn has given us some FABULOUS weather, so I've been trying to enjoy it!

And this fall's TV lineup is awesome! I have to admit I'm watching more TV than writing (thanks to hulu) and I feel some guilt, but as October draws to a close and November sneaks up, I am putting down the headphones and trimming my fingernails back for a frenzy of typing! National Novel Writing Month! Woot!

My blessings this week.

One: We finally got our water fixed after a month of having bacterial-iron-filled yellow, stinky, nasty water that I refused to wash anything in. Blech.

Two: We fixed our blower motor in the central air unit so we have heat now. Some of those nights are getting pretty cold!

Three: Hubby's truck is fixed and runs better than ever. My car is in for repairs (in the garage at home that is.)

Four: I have two jobs, tutoring and being an aide. It is hectic, but we have worked it all out with carpooling, daycare, and having an income right now that keeps us afloat, plus work to keep me sane (I can talk to adults!), is all worth it.

I miss my writing friends! And often I miss writing, but as I pointed out, and want to point out AGAIN, is that it is almost NANO!

If you are clueless, go to nanowrimo.org and check it out!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

So Busy Earning Dough, Yet the Monies Disappear Just as Quickly

2011-09-27T19:18:00.004-04:00

It's good to be busy. When I am idle, I get really testy. Being busy quells the wanderlust. You'd think I'd be so busy right now I could really save moolah. But alas!

So what's been going on?? Well, for starters, I had the pleasure of watching my two nieces for two nights and two days while their daddy was in the hospital. Boy was I tired! I'd forgotten what it was like having really little, less self-sufficient children around. Oh the joys of naptime!

This was followed up by the decision to carpool, necessitated by the breakdown of hubby's truck and gas prices too high to warrant the use of the jeep. It seemed like such a pain, but once we got into the routine, it turned out to be very beneficial for us. We saved a lot of money, (spent elsewhere) got to talk to each other for the 30 minute drive to work and back, and we both began exercising!

I've been walking the trail at school which goes into the 'woods' and winds around beside a retention pond that is sorta scenic.. I can walk for 30 minutes a day, about 3-4 laps, and it is great conditioning for the Covered Bridge Festival coming up that requires a lot of walking.

Attended the local Cory Apple Festival, which was great practice walking, and bought apples there! As many times as we have gone, we've never bought any apples the festival was named for.. ironic? Yes.

My mother called to talk about Christmas lists. We have to plan early and start shopping now. I am going to make a shopping date with her, and she wants to go one day to the Covered Bridge Festival with us, so we can talk and shop at the same time then, too! I'm excited to have her come, because I always see things to decorate her living room and never know if she would like them.

In less happy news, our water was correctly diagnosed as having bacterial iron and steps are implemented to fix the problem, or at least conquer most of it, but they are going to cost us even more. *sigh* The joys of homeownership?? That's what they all say. But to have this house, I'll take it! It's better than what we have lived in or with before!

The electric bill should go down since our blower motor is still broken and we have the system off. There's always firewood if it gets really chilly, but it hasn't yet.

Have I been writing? Yes and reading, too! I used some of my tutoring money to visit Borders/Waldenbooks when it was closing to save massive amounts on a few books. These occupy my non-walking times and some of my down time when I am not writing. They also make good bedtime reading for those nights I am not yet sleepy.

This is my current life. One day I will look back and reflect. I wonder what I will think?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Week in Review and Inspiration on my Walls

2011-08-27T17:47:00.004-04:00

Work started last week and this week has flown by. Had a bad Wednesday with my car refusing to start and the washer making a terrible ruckus, but the weekend saw solutions to both problems.

I feel less chaotic and more together having things 'right' in my life. *deep breath*

We've been carpooling, the hubs and I, on days I do not tutor, and I think we've decided we will save so much money on gas that it is worth it to continue. PLUS seeing each other every day in the car makes us Talk to each other. It is the kind of daily communication that most marriages need to stay alive when both parties are working and both come home to a houseful of daily chores that no one wants to touch. Let alone, each other!

Have I been writing since I went back to work?? Oh goodness yes.
Two things are going on.
First, I have come up with a new story that I am enjoying very much. I am on my third outline revision. I am able to write in some classes during my student's day. Snippets here and there, when he is taking notes from the overhead, doing an assignment, or doesn't need my directions. It makes me look studious and I model good behavior.

Second, there is a comment competition on my favorite website ficly.com of which I am a part. So I am commenting as I normally would.

I went to JoAnn Fabrics and found a couple wall decals I just fell in love with. I want to do a park bench and bicycle scene with fall trees in my hallway, this map of the continents with colorful animal silhouettes in the boys' bathroom (it will match their shower curtain), and something else in the living room. I want a tree in there, but haven't found the right one yet.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

The Best Time of Year

2011-08-21T13:14:00.004-04:00

Made it to the end of summer and back to school!

This is my favorite time of year. It means work for me, which keeps me sane, and back to school shopping! I love new paper and crayons and sales on clothes and shoes.

Now if only I had money..

:)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lazy Gardener

2011-08-10T14:32:00.003-04:00

I have two of those upside down tomato planters.. One holds Roma tomatoes and one holds cherry tomatoes. I've learned that those things hold plants that grow smaller fruits better than plants that grow large fruits.

So I went out to water them. And on the ripest fruit was a white fuzzy blob.

I looked closer, it was not a caterpillar; it did not have legs. Could it be a mold? Some of the tomatoes had split or gotten black on the bottoms already this season. Instead of doing anything, I left it. If it spread, I'd take out the damaged branch.

Call me lazy.

I went out the next day to check on my plants. The white fuzzy thing? Good news; non-invasive! Bad news; it was an egg sac. Or rather, a few hundred egg sacs. And they had hatched. So tiny I could not make out what they were with my naked eye. I hosed the fruit off with a super jet of water.

Did I learn anything from this? Some fuzzy white things are egg sacs.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Thoughts on Time and Schedules

2011-08-10T12:41:00.006-04:00

I started a newsletter. It's just a baby right now. I can't even get the pictures to work properly.
This was inspired by Zazzle. It said one way to get your products out there to people was to use a newsletter and the longer I considered it, the more I realized I had such a crazy life I could use one just to let people know what I was up to!

Eventually I'd like to have a newsletter as part of my author platform. I'm not there yet. I don't even really have a platform to stand on. Who am I as a writer??

A blog is supposed to be a platform. Um, this one is WAY too personal. It's also linked to so many other things, my notes and pictures here would be easily found. I'm debating on keeping it or scrapping it when I get a book up on smashwords and need to have a guilt-free platform.

This week:
I got some cleaning/organizing done. It's the last week before school starts. I'm excited to have the schedule and structure, but I know how busy I will be, and thinking about all the other things I need to do in addition to work is suffocating.

I want to be a good mom, housewife, and still exercise, write, and unwind with my chat buddies and shows. That's a lot to cram into 2-3 hours a day. Really, that's all I have in the evenings before bedtime. That means writing and unwinding must come after the kids are in bed and I am at my most tired!

I am not a morning person. I have more energy at night. Even knowing this, I still foresee some tired evenings where nothing productive gets done.

Just like in our budget, we have to plan in a little wiggle room, rounding numbers. In my schedule I round times so that I have wiggle room. "They" say to allow 15% of your time for setbacks. Whoever they are, they are right when it comes to caring for children! Sometimes it's more like 50%, but I digress..

Will I get this week's newsletter out? Sure. Will I get it out next week? Who knows! Probably not on Wednesday.. Maybe Sunday...

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Update

2011-07-13T16:36:00.006-04:00

Since we last talked,

One of my dogs died,
We were rained out of a full day at the theme park, and
I gained 3 pounds by eating at hubby's favorite restaurant, after I had just been doing so well!
I also had a chat falling-out with a chat buddy that kinda had me down. But a sign that I am grown up, I said my apologies, and made my peace right then and there and took a hiatus to get over it. It worked. They forgave me, and the next time we talk, I'm sure we'll be friends again.

On a good note:

My flowers and tomatoes survived the heat wave,
I made my first student loan payment that I intend to keep on schedule for a while,
We made it home safely and chose to look at it as an adventure. We plan on going for a couple days next year and camping as Lake Rudolf.

Notes on the things above:
Caesar was 7 years old and despite our best efforts, tore down every shade we gave him, knocked over every water bowl, and even though I hosed him down, his efforts to knock over his heavy dog house finally did him in.

I was so excited to show the 4 year old Holiday World, and he did a great job of staying with us, unlike in the grocery store parking lot.. He was clearly impressed, but took in each ride with that calculated way four year olds just accept everything as 'the way it's supposed to be'.

"Look at that merry go round! It has a dolphin and a zebra and a tiger and a dragon.."
"Yeah. I wanna ride the dolphin!"

"You're gonna get wet on this ride."
"Yeah. I know."

"You're too little for that ride."
"No, I'm too big!"

"There's more, come on!"
"I know!"

Four year olds know everything, just like teenagers. They grow out of this phase a little and you have time to impress them with your parental all powerful knowledge before they hit 11 and they know everything again. Just FYI. :P

The 8 year old is in a silly, creative, imaginative phase. I so want to nurture this! I just hope this school year doesn't squash all that. Sad, but true.

But I digress.. Despite how bad this week sounds, it's really not that bad. I have suffered much worse. I am so blessed! I have a house, health, working vehicles, loving family, and a job set up for this school year, even if it is an aide position. I'm doing better than in the past!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Am A Wife

2011-06-30T16:43:00.003-04:00

Hubby got rather upset that I didn't list WIFE as one of my roles in the Who Am I post. It's not that I don't think of myself as a wife, in fact there are days when it's MUCH easier to be a wife than a mother. But I have to admit that I DO take being a wife for granted more often than I take being a mother for granted. I guess I just know my kids will fly the coop one day and I'll still be here coexisting in harmony with my hubby.

He is the best and I don't tell him that enough. People often don't understand how the two of us can be at all compatible. We just have the same 'brainlength'. We think a lot alike. We notice the same details in movies or on the side of the road at the same time. We have the same ideals for our future happiness, and we agree on our current lifestyle and happiness.

This doesn't mean we don't have significant differences in our personalities, hobbies, and even religious beliefs. These areas are most obvious to others, so they see us as opposites. It's the areas that are not obvious that are the most important which glue us together.

Out of all the goals I make for myself, being a wife should be included on that list. It doesn't always come naturally. I have to make time to cuddle, kiss him goodnight when I stay up late, lock us in the room to watch our favorite shows uninterrupted, and thank him for repairing things, reaching up high, cooking my dinner(!), and being my tech guru.

I love you honey!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

You Meet A Homeless Person On The Street..

2011-06-27T13:02:00.003-04:00

Do you give them money? Why or Why Not?

This was the first random blog prompt the popped up when I clicked here. Maybe you will get it too, after a few clicks of the Next Prompt button..

I chose not to click, but to comment, because this exact thing came up in Yesterday's Sermon at my church. I see the light bulbs coming on behind your eyes, "What did your pastor say? What does your church encourage?" :)

Firstly, the sermon was on the value of Hard Work. Yeah, I see you nodding sagely as you picture those lazy bums with their cardboard signs. Now you wonder what angle the sermon spun the "be kind unto others" approach with the "value hard work".

We all know the rumors that most homeless guys refuse the food their signs so plainly ask for and only want money for liquor or drugs or whatever vice they have.

I've heard you should check out their shoes, see if they are wearing new Nike's, to tell if they are really homeless or a career beggar. We had some career beggars when I lived in a bigger city. They got smart about the shoes..

In our town, you are supposed to alert the police when you see a cardboard-sign-toting, scruffy-faced guy holding down the sidewalk in worn out shoes. The police are then supposed to escort them the Lighthouse Mission or Work One or one of our institutions that help the homeless.

What was said about it at church? To have caution, to volunteer in the soup kitchens, and to raise our children to KNOW the value of hard work. We are seeing more laziness in society. What are we going to do about it? We can't create jobs, or make money grow on trees, nor send people out looking for leprechauns. But we can share our time, money, shelter, and love with our neighbors, much like a community pulls together after a great disaster.

So what do I do when I see a homeless person? Well, usually I'm in my vehicle with my children in tow. While this COULD be a great object lesson about charity, I always drive on by. Sad? Considering the sermon notes I just typed, yes.

But this week, my children are making backpacks to send Bibles to Latin American children, and collecting pocket change to send to our missionaries in Haiti, who just came to visit us last week. I know my money, their money, is going to help the kids at Mountain Top Ministry. My church members helped build a school there, along with other volunteers from our community, and our church members go in person twice a year to provide aid. I'm glad to be a part of this successful outreach.

Could I teach my kids about serving in the soup kitchen? Sure. Maybe when they can see over the counter. :) Will I give money to a random stranger on the street? Probably not in today's societal climate! I don't have extra money to give! Will I continue to support the efforts of the missionaries feeding, clothing, educating, and enriching the lives of children in third world countries? Yes. Even if all I have to give this week are pennies. Because the value of the lesson learned here is that it warms my heart to give what I can. It just feels good.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Who Am I??

2011-06-22T22:53:00.002-04:00

Who Am I??

This has been swirling around in my head lately. It stems from not becoming who I thought I was going to become. I have to redefine myself now. And maybe find a niche for myself that I can make money with. ;) I just don't see where I am headed. So..

I made a list! I am a mother, teacher, writer, specialist in blogging and creative writing, part time artist, reader, and sometimes a scrapbooker. I am strong but reactionary, which makes me look weak. I am a behaviorist, using rewards to get desired outcomes. My mouth gets me in trouble when I am not clear and just speak out. I want to be my own boss and do the things that make me happy.

I am dabbling in things. I'm not great at making items and marketing them in my own store, but I have some new ideas and will try.

There is a book waiting to be edited and I can't get myself to do it! AURIST needs me!

I think my creative energy is being siphoned off into other things..

All I've been thinking about lately is myself and how I haven't been able to write, do, make, have anything I want right now for myself. I am so frustrated by this sudden burst of selfishness that I can't see all the blessings around me. I mean seriously, life is great!

This has led to a serious block. I have been putting all my creative energy in other baskets. Despite all the inspiration tips, all the pages bookmarked in my browser, and all the brainstorming with Rorschach on the series we are doing, I still feel restless and like I'm burning the candle at both ends, with the end result not being a book.

This said, I think the ONLY reason I'm restless is seeing all those people with books OUT THERE and I'm not one of them!

But it also boils down to treading water to stay afloat financially. We have reached our budget's limit. Without my paychecks.. It's frustrating to see your dreams go down the tubes, even if they only involved a one day family vacation trip to a theme park.

I think my writing is tied up by an underlying current of worry. And the odd thing is, though we are at the budget's limits, we have a HOUSE, we are not on food stamps or any assistance, we have HEALTH INS, and our vehicles are WORKING (for the most part), and the boys are having a GREAT summer. I have SOME balance in my daily schedule and I'm not going completely insane.. *twitch*.. yet.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, being one boy down since he is going to stay with Nana, because I think it will give me the opportunity to have a small chunk of time just for ME. So I can answer that question. So I can get back in touch with ME.

What if.. I'm doing it? The.. "What I Am Supposed To Be Doing". How would I know?? I just don't think this is the top of the ladder..

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Rambling Thoughts from a Mom

2011-06-22T14:33:00.003-04:00

I've been quite busy.

The past week I created a forum to collaborate with my new Blogging buddies on Ficly.com blogs!

We bought a used vehicle, and it has given us project after project, as all new babies do. :)

I took the boys bowling, they pet a snake, carried kittens around, played with puppies, saw a car crash, swam for hours, bounced in a bouncy house as long as they wanted, experienced sun burn and drove little 4-wheelers.

I finished two books, FEVER CRUMB by Philip Reeve and FISH by Gregory Mone.

We took a spontaneous trip to Nashville, IN and Bloomington, IN to set our summer off on the right adventurous foot. Then we had to lay low to save up for another one, however, the savings have been eaten by the new mechanical 'baby' so far.

I bought 4 plants for 25 cents each, yes a whole dolla, and planted them. Go me, making it pretty.

I've tried to stick to my summer schedule, maintaining an educational vibe for the boys. I tried to clean the microscope, but without a decent specimen, I can't tell if it works correctly. Tutoring alters the schedule 3 days a week, plus outings and times when hubby calls to say I need to go out and get something. But I'm flexible. I do those errands, the chores, work, and still get the boys' lessons in. :)

Yet I have also felt inadequate as a Mom this week. I felt lacking in my discipline, but mostly in my cooking. I fail hard at planning, preparing, and presenting meals. I have the time to sit down and plan, I even bought a new calendar that starts in July that helps with this! So aside from my other goals, This is my New one: PLAN AND PREPARE HEALTHIER MEALS WITH MY KIDS!

The theory is that if they get to help cook it, they will eat it. *shrugs* I have no idea. Let's be optimistic!

Anyone have recipes?? I have a book I let the boys go through and they picked one recipe, an orange cream smoothie. We'll try it, but notice, it is a fruit and ice cream kinda thing. :) Baby steps. We'll make it to dinner items one day!

Here's a random thought: Don't put a port-o-potty business beside a park. The homeless bums will think they just inherited an open-air mansion! Look at all the restrooms! And the shelter for picnics! And the 'porch' swings!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Generosity: Small Steps

2011-06-06T19:20:00.004-04:00

I spoke in my last blog about feeling lacking in the gift of Generosity. My friend was generous to the point of poverty and he isn't even a religious practitioner!

I recently read 'Five Practices of A Fruitful Congregation', technically AFTER my church did, but I digress. Many of the beginning Practices outlined in the book I have mastered, and still do. But much like my health triangle, my Practices triangle is a bit obtuse. (We have a graphic posted in our church of the Five Practices and it makes a triangle)

Anyway, the point is, I'm not Generous!

So I tried to begin today. I made 10 copies of a Thank You card on Word and signed them and handed them out at school to the 10 teachers and aides I work with.

Firstly, I made them with all good intentions. I have a very hard time saying thank you when it is needed. I just sometimes think my gratitude is implied. Why I think that, I have no idea, and it has gotten me in trouble in the past.

Thus, when I got to school, part of me wanted to pretend I hadn't made them and just end the year in silence. I didn't get to write in a personal note to each one. They were not store bought or fancy or really special. They felt weak, and I began to get embarrassed.

But I decided to push through, covertly handing out two cards on teacher's desks who were out of the room. Then I wandered to another classroom and did the same. I was feeling better, like a Secret Santa, on some mission of behind-the-scenes gifting. I enjoy doing things to make people feel good that I don't have to own up to.

In the third classroom, the teacher was present. CONFRONTATION! I began to feel my cheeks grow red and I planned my attack. Swoop in, look at floor, say a phrase to make little of the gesture, exit.

Surprisingly, the teacher said, "Oh you are so kind! Usually people hate me because I yell at them."

Floored, I began to wonder how many times she was thanked in her life. I had to reply. I made a lighthearted comment. "It comes with the territory!" So true. I meant that the students she has are often difficult, but I guess that could go for staff, too.. I considered this. Then I stopped considering it because that would require me to cast judgment on the other faculty. That only causes trouble. I do wish this teacher would praise the students more, however that's a style difference.

I then handed out the rest of my cards in person, with the phrase "I made a little thank you card for everyone." I received small thanks in return, as is custom and polite. It was all over. I finished my lunch.

I should sum this up by stating something that I learned, but I won't. I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone a tiny bit and have a tiny story about it. Nothing huge happened, no vast emotional bridges were crossed and burned, and I don't feel a strong sense of accomplishment.

This is just a stepping stone. Let's hope I keep taking small steps like this because one day I will be able to turn back and say 'See how far I've come?'

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

All About ME: I'm So Lame

2011-06-04T17:24:00.005-04:00

Like this blog isn't already..
This weekend I changed my hair color.
It's darker and more auburn.

In other selfish acts,

I haven't done a load of laundry yet!

I wrote a synopsis and ignored everyone else.
I even let the kids stay up late last night because I didn't feel like being the enforcer.
I bought ink for my printer and a planner at the office supply store. I had to buy myself shorts today.
I watched a movie just for me.

I learned that I am not as generous as I should be. This kind of stings. I think of myself as a nice person. But then someone does something that makes me feel.. selfish.

A friend of mine gave the last of his money away to others TWICE, emptying his wallet despite his own suffering, and here I am hanging onto mine because I know SOMETHING will come up and I'll need it. It always happens.

But it's more than money. I think all the time about how to give, and I balk. I think, 'I should buy all my coworkers a card..' then I don't. Or 'It would be nice to send my friends one of those..' and I forget.

I'm so lame. All good intentions.. but lacking in actions.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Out With A...

2011-05-31T15:56:00.005-04:00

This concludes the month that is supposed to be the best of the whole year. I had a terrible last week and am glad to see it go.

It's easy to dwell on the bad things.

1. I got sick. Both boys had pink eye, but thank goodness I have medicine and they got over it quickly. My allergies did not help me get over being sick, and now they are raging full force.

2. My brakes failed and I'm glad we got them fixed before number 3 happened.

3. Hubby's bank card was compromised. We were able to catch it in time and destroy it, but I feel for anyone who's money or identity has been stolen. It's a real pain to get your money or life back!

4. Terrible storms ripped through my state and our power went out for a day, but we were fortunate to not have any damage to our house.

But many good things happened.

1. Hubby and I got away, just the two of us, for our anniversary.
2. I got two new T-shirts and a mug from zazzle.com thanks to Zerrakhi's (a.k.a Flesh-eating Dragon) kind gift certificate.
3. Then I created my own zazzle store: Inkwells.
4. Finished editing my children's novel 'Leeto'.
5. Drafted a Query letter.
6. Outlined the new and improved 'Aurist'.
7. Planted tomato plants and flowers and bulbs.
8. Family visited from 4 hours away.
9. Went to 2 movies in the theater, 'Thor' and 'Kung Fu Panda 2'
10. I have new books to read.
11. My oldest son learned to drive the lawn mower.

12. I drew a picture so I wouldn't forget an idea I had for a ficly story. Creativity times 2! :)
13. Wrote 2 ficly stories. I feel more human now and less robotic.

And not to end on 13,
14. Cookies! I made some no-bakes and hubby did a good job on some choc-chip this month. Neither lasted very long. Yum yum.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Summer Fun

2011-05-21T09:47:00.004-04:00

Video is loud, turn down speakers.

Hubby worked hard to get the go kart working this year and the boys enjoy it.

I have been trying to plan for summer. I'm about to whip out the laptop and do some preparatory work there, too.

I printed off a calendar and showed my oldest the schedule I want to follow. It includes some summer homeschooling. I think he is actually excited.

But there is always the chance that the schedule will get completely ignored.

And I'm okay with that.

It's summer!

But if I don't make one, I'll go insane. I have to have a basic plan or I'll become a fat lump in my computer chair and piss off my hubby when no chores get done, no errands get run, and all I do is whine about being fat.

On that note, I am happy with what working has done for my self-esteem and self-image. Not much of my waistline has shrank, but what little has been done is satisfying. Besides, I have a plan.

And I will continue to tutor over the summer. Along with writing, blogging, photography, and creating items for an upcoming Zazzle.com store.

Always with 4 irons in the fire,
Elsha

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Autism- and A Book Review

2011-05-20T18:49:00.003-04:00

I work every day with an autistic child.
*grins* He told me today he is not a child he is an adult!

But he loves a good debate, so I humored him.

I digress..

This semester I have worked with two wonderful behavior therapists to teach myself what to do and what to say and how to work better with him. Yes, myself.

I think I have a knack for this kind of thing. I should have gone to college to get a degree in behavior therapy.

Again, I digress..

All the work we have done, all the tricks I have learned to do my job so that my student can function as 'normally' as possible in a general education setting have not gotten me into his head quite like the book I just finished reading.

Wow.

It's simple, heartwrenching, and from the point of view of a girl with Asperger's. (If you didn't know, Asperger's is on the Autism spectrum.) She shares similar traits with my student. For instance, abstract concepts are more difficult for them both to understand. They both have odd behaviors not acceptable in public. While their behaviors are odd to us, they clearly come from a need inside them that we can't even begin to associate and draw parallels to triggers in their lives or environment. They both have unique skills that they excel at.

In MOCKINGBIRD, Caitlin thinks the world revolves around her. She learns about empathy, manners, finesse, and closure; all very difficult things for an autistic child to grasp. Reading this book brought clairvoyance and understanding of the way my student's mind is wired. Things are literal. The world is a place of only his feelings. Sometimes it's more than too just loud, too colorful, too stimulating, and the only release is to return to the comfortable places that make sense.

Katheryn Erskine paints a vivid picture of grief, the stresses of childhood, and the ways society behaves towards special needs. Every character is believable. We all can relate to the feeling of needing something and not knowing how to get it. Advice abounds, but like many times in the book, we just don't 'Get It', so we can't follow any of the advice.

This book is a quick read, but don't let that fool you. Your heart will go out to Caitlin and you'll see others in a different light after experiencing this story.

Yes, I said experience.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Turkey Run

2011-05-10T16:47:00.009-04:00

This weekend we got away from it all in Turkey Run, a large state park located around Sugar Creek. With all the rain and flooding, the creek was high, but Saturday was dry enough and temperate for a long hike.
Normally, hubby has issues with bridges, especially suspension bridges, but he did great both times we crossed this one, even telling me to get pictures from it's height. Such a brave man!

Which path do I choose?? On the left, the man-made bridge over a ditch, on the right, a log from a fallen tree. So many great dilemmas to philosophize over in this picture, so little time!

We hiked for 2 hours, viewing cavernous holes, rock formations, and even some wildlife.I nearly stepped on this little snake!

But mostly, his trip was about our anniversary and us being together, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! We have decided that this is a great place to bring the boys, as long as we add in a canoe trip and not hike quite so far! We'd make it a one day thing. This park is an hour's drive from my home.

..Oh, and we must remember to bring change for the arcade.. :)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

May Magic

2011-05-01T14:40:00.002-04:00

May is always such a great month for me! *deep breath, huge sigh* Ahhhhhh!

The weather starts to behave; I plant flowers.
My anniversary arrives; I write poetry and renew my commitment to my husband.
Mother's day brings me cute hand-drawn cards and maybe more flowers; I get hugs from my boys.
My birthday reminds me I'm not a youngin' anymore; I make new resolutions.

The focus of this post is on Love. I've been thinking a lot about the different kinds of Love, how to be pure, what Love means versus grace or forgiveness, and how hard it is to accept Love because it takes faith and vulnerability.

Sometimes we only think of Love as passion and that butterfly feeling in your stomach and fire in your loins.

Rush of water full of noise
cascading, ricocheting, refracting

Wisps of vapor curling high
Blurring, obscuring, enveloping

Fresh clean scent of Ivory soap
Wafting, invigorating, enticing

Single translucent shower curtain
revealing, concealing, alluring

Sharp intake of breath escapes
unnoticed, uninhibited, desired

But this kind of Love doesn't last for many people and when it changes, they feel out of love and hurt. They harbor painful memories of the break-ups and neglect. It makes it hard to get back into a relationship.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she softly stated, staring at the tiny whitecaps behind him.

“Then why do you push me away?” He pulled up his pants and buckled them.

She studied his form; watched him pull on his shirt. “Because I don’t want to have my heart broken.”

“I don’t plan on breaking it. Look, you can’t love someone completely and protect yourself. Love takes sacrifice and vulnerability.”

She smiled at him. Some weight began to lift off of her chest. She suddenly felt free and joyous. He was right.

And she loved him.

She ran to him, her joy carrying her into his arms, and he caught her momentum turning it into a spin. The embrace was warm and true.

“You always know what to say to me. That’s what’s in this for me.” She smiled and let him lean down to kiss her; a kiss which she returned wholly.

The last sliver of sun disappeared behind the waves, but a new relationship had dawned.

Hand in hand, the two sauntered off into the perfect evening.

Sometimes the best parts about Love are discovering the ways you and another person can coexist in harmony. Sure, there are many moments when the two of you collide, finding your agendas crashing into one another. The best thing is to say to yourself, or to them, "I love you, but I don't like you right now." Explain how you feel, or what you were expecting and why you are upset.

Love requires sacrifice. It may mean you open up to another. It may mean you trust someone for the first time. Perhaps you give up a lifestyle of carousing, or compromise over furniture and paint, or study a new religion, or live in some other part of the world you never had before.

The person that Loves you will allow you to be you. They will love you for who you are, and help you achieve your dreams. They may offer sound advice, provide a stepping stone, or even play devils' advocate to your dreams, as long as it overcomes barriers and builds you up.

That's how I see it!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Stress, Art, Love, and the Ugly Truth

2011-04-30T21:11:00.003-04:00

It's been a stressful week.

PMS. Nuff said?
I was so frustrated with the kids whining and crying over every little thing, that I yelled. A lot. Hubby had to intervene again. He told me what I already knew, that I was being terrible and should leave if I couldn't control myself. Thanks Dear. Sometimes we have to hear the words to accept them.
Realized I have been extra-annoyingly repeating myself in stories I'm telling to others. Sounds like I just love to hear the sound of my voice. Makes a listener tune you out: You've already said that, idiot! People left me alone. No one really cares about my home life when I'm at work, anyway. So there is nothing to talk about during lunch now. I think that's best, considering my overzealous tendencies.
My Great-Aunt passed away. I haven't seen her in years; she was in a home 2 hours away, but it reminds you that life has an expiration date.
I smile sometimes at inappropriate times.
I am a terrible listener. I took this little social skills test online and reading the questions and choices, admitting what I do and don't do when I listen, made me realize that I come across as a terrible listener sometimes. I used to be a great listener!! I don't know what's wrong with me now! Actually, I do; I don't have adults to talk to and my peer conversation skills have plummeted.
Hubby's job has been in limbo. We hear one thing, then another. I tell daycare one thing, then another. We've had to be flexible in paying them and financial talk is always stressful. Why can't I win the lottery or something?!?
It's been raining for 2 weeks. Seriously. Draggin' me down, Man. We had sunshine today and it dried up barely enough to get the lawn mowed. We went out driving around to yard sales and now I have to do my laundry at night. Ugh. I wanna watch a movie, not fold.
Been stressin' a little about my health. Little one broke my glasses, which I super-glued back together, and I have a new sensitive tooth, plus an aide at school had a weird heart problem at school, and all this makes me want to go to an eye doctor, dentist, and find a family physician for a physical; SOON.
After we got home from driving around all day, trying not to blow a tire in potholes the size of those little, round, blue plastic wading pools, one of the dogs was loose. I had to go back out and buy him a new collar and hook. Thank goodness he came barreling at me when I clapped my hands and I didn't have to chase him down!

In happier news, my Aunt, in frustration with her job, wisely sat down and made a 5 year plan. She decided, her boys, my cousins, were grown and she wasn't dead yet, so she'd better take the time to LIVE now and start doing what she wanted to do. This takes some deep soul searching and gumption. Kudos to her!

It got me thinking about where I am going. I certainly enjoy my two jobs, but they do take a lot of energy that I cannot give back to creativity through writing. I deeply desire to work on projects for self-pubbing this summer as well as a novel for querying later on. They are bubbling just under the surface, waiting for the right moment to run over onto the screen.

I made a picture today, because at work, I am going to art class every day with my student and lately I have had the overwhelming urge to color. :)

Yin-yang salamanders in Aboriginal Line Drawing style with colored pencil on black construction paper. The paper was fibrous, so the color couldn't come out as strongly as I wanted. Oh well. One salamander is dark, one light; they accept and help one another. The light and dark colors are repeated in the water and rocks and corner suns. Arcs are repeated also in the picture, making the world go round. :)

My quote this month: "We all want someone for whom we'd be a better person." More in the next blog post!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Complaints of a Personal Nature

2011-04-22T16:15:00.002-04:00

I complain about being fat a lot. I just don't like how my middle is so pudgy. There is a bit too much back fat. And when did my arms waggle so much?

It's part of growing up; that metabolism slow down.

Its not that I'm not busy, I always have something going on, it's that I'm not energized and motivated to work harder after work.

But if my calculations are correct, I'm still taking in more than I am working off. Especially when I have PMS and crave chocolate... and it's Easter candy time... *whines*

The most difficult part of this is not finding time to do my Zumba Wii workout. No, the hardest part is changing my diet. Because I have to change the whole house's diet.

And the cost.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Crazy Tweets

2011-04-19T19:14:00.003-04:00

I was playing with a twitter app, trying to make myself feel better after the vacation thing was a letdown.. and I did have a great time with That Can Be My Next Tweet.

It takes your recent tweets, cuts them apart, and pastes the fragments back together all jumbled up.

This does two things:
One: It shows you what you tweet about the most, common themes, which can be an eye opener!
And Two: It makes you fall out of your chair with laughter.

Here's a few of mine in all their Engrish quality phrasing:

Thanks!! I do her blog! : I could snow here up my restructured beginning, but i've never tried to look up!
Nope, action not my kids' toys 'don't be interpreted many ways.. conjures up some of samples downloaded.
8 yo, article says stop being a challenge now! tryin to listen to write!
Lol! but I have 2 have faith in the new confidence. & I need a stalker, but I have to make any of those.
Just a fedora!
Have a few details, subt. others my novel is awesome. thanks! it yesterday, I'm sooo bad!
Hubby is awesome. hoping for love! Thanks! you can it has been trying to wordpress, but better have lots?
Nice twitter pic! I'm pretty for more than i do her blog! : I can tweet about needing writers!
Mine in the shower for perspective. Will make that I think of Flashback Prologues!
Hubby is more than one, for a fruit loop in the beginning of mixed up a headache..
Congrats! whatever the yard. Fierce wind!
I have a story that was the first chapter is a world of materials to write this week.
Looking at WOW! *blushes* thanks! I don't overwhelm the details are, getting a yellow variation too.
Tiny tornadoes of novel. Some great suggestions to twitter.. is pre-schooler for perspective.
Haha, check out this tale of those business tips will be gone half the rewards far outweigh the rain, so.
Been prompt, so optimistic! hope your episodes with the fever that did not do believe.
I need to do that. sometimes too hard.. :/ perfect subject! i think I am completely reworkign the rest of.
(Clearly I am an overachiever) I had to say it to do??? those are being a sexy writer and paint all in 15 minutes, AND trying different?
Lol! but is a sexy writer anymore, you the fruit loop... I wish right into a genre i've been sentenced to?
Hey, i'm off to make my critiques, I hope you see the fan love!
I try.. sometimes it's harder to build a challenge now! tryin to write it is scary, i do this outside!

What's your favorite?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Spring Break Part 2

2011-04-19T19:05:00.003-04:00

I finished the green bedroom without a drop of paint to spare! I almost thought I would not make it! I am so pleased with it.
I took the boys and my niece to the park. It was breezy and cool, but we could play without jackets.We walked over across a bridge to this little dock on a pond. There was a fountain to keep the algae at bay and the kids thought it was pretty. The hill on the walk made my 8yo complain, but he wasn't carrying my niece!
Oh by the way, why was I carrying her? The 4yo decided to 'help' her drink from a water bottle and soaked the cute purple outfit. It was too breezy to leave her in it, so I stripped her down and wrapped her in my sweater until we got back to the car and her diaper bag with spare clothes. :)

Ah, these are the moments you cherish forever.

The end of the week saw me cleaning, doing some of the same chores I did at the beginning, which felt like no progress at all had been made.. this was my vacation?!?! I did work?!?! What was I thinking?!?!

So I consoled myself with a haircut, and shopping for summer clothes for my oldest. :) Maybe I threw in a few new things for myself. Shh!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

First Half of Spring Break

2011-04-06T16:07:00.006-04:00

I began Spring Break with a birthday party. Little guy turned 4! He had a Sonic the Hedgehog cake. :)
It was nice enough to go outside, but very windy. It's always nice to have family over, and even better when the kids can go outside! The highlight of the day was watching a firetruck race to a small fire only to leave it and race to another somewhere else. The news said the wind blew power lines down in some places, causing brush or grass fires.

Then it stormed. The boys and I spent that morning cleaning the house. I did lots of laundry and got out all their summer clothes, switching to larger sizes for both of them. My babies are growing up!

Since I couldn't go outside, I made phone calls inside. The new screens for our back doors are in, and the installer should be calling. I haven't heard from him yet.. I coordinated a playdate with my niece and Mom for the end of the week. Finally, I made reservations for my anniversary in a month.
Hubby says I'm supposed to get all mushy and romantic and frisky here. :) We were gifted with a complimentary night at an Inn in one of our state parks. It's worth the free night with no kids, even if there isn't much to do (that we'd both enjoy) besides hike or fish in the entire area. We could browse a small town's shops, or just drive, or um.. well not much else before and after the check in and check out times.
Meanwhile, I began painting our bedroom and hung up the pictures that have been waiting for a year to be hung.Cala Lilies! <3

There are still 2 walls left, and some trim touch ups, but I think it looks much better.

Tomorrow is the scheduled play day. I'm not really sure what we will be doing. But it will involves leaving this house (finally) and having some fun elsewhere.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

The Road Home

2011-03-31T16:39:00.005-04:00

No, I didn't travel, and even though next week is my Spring Break, I am not planning a trip then either. The Road I am referring to is explained in this edition of..

Things That Made My Day This Week:
4. The little one finished his indoor soccer season. He often spent his turns on the field off in lala land, not wanting to chase after the ball because the other kids were bigger and faster. He wanted his own ball! He just didn't get the concept of playing with a team. It was like "Who are all these people on MY court?!"

3. My aunt and uncle came to visit from Texas, so we had an impromptu family reunion for an hour one evening. They had never met my kids, nor my sister's, and also never had met our husbands. It was a nice visit.

2. I walked into a class with my student charge and the substitute that day asked, "Are you seventh graders?" Now, I don't know if she realized I was a teacher until after she got a chance to look closer at me, but I'm still taking it as a compliment! I still look young!

And the number one thing that made my week:

I was called a 'road' by my close friend and co-author. "She's my road,"he said. This reminded me of the saying "all roads lead to home." So, not to put words into their mouth, but I want to believe that I am home. I am a lodestone, a magnetic center, a compass for this person, to lead them to the right path. And that path is metaphoric. Basically, it is the knowledge that I am more than appreciated, I am needed and loved.

We all want to feel appreciated, needed, and loved. Sometimes we take our spouses and friends for granted who love us every day. This was the jolt I needed to remember to love all of them back!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Random Thoughts Post

2011-03-13T16:40:00.003-04:00

Had a few random thoughts this week, most of it was "ugh, when will this congestion end!?" and "why is my student being such a pain in the.." Tomorrow I will spend the day in in-school suspension with my student who earned his stay by ripping a poster out of a window because he wanted to be the poster!

So I will be reading, writing (I hope), and being very quiet for 7 hours. Speaking of the time I will spend in solitary with my student, I need a new book to read! Venturing out into book land, i spent more money on memberships than books.. I bought the second and newest Artemis Fowl graphic novel because I love the stories and how they can be translated into graphic form. I want to do that! I bought my son a book, because I want to encourage reading.

I also picked up an erotic fiction, in the hopes of reading it aloud in the bedroom. mm yeah. Steamy. that's all i am going to say about that..

1. This week I learned where Nantucket is. I never looked it up before. Been thinking about travel, and it didn't help that the kids had a writing prompt about a vacation they took or where they want to go and the aides started talking up St. Louis. I think we need to go there this summer.

2. Since shopping for books failed, I guess I will order some books through the school order forms from Scholastic. I get a great deal and will have books to reas that i get excited about. I am hoping it makes me excited about writing, because I have been so tired from work, my writing has suffered.

3. I'm also hoping the warmer weather coming will encourage me to both write and to get out and exercise. I have two trees to plant! I have new leashes and toys for the dogs! Hubby said he wants to bike the trail near our house! I have new music to exercise to! Let's go!

4. Today I finished tiling the floor! yay! Except a tiny bit of trim, but I was sick last weekend and didn't get to finish it like I wanted.

5. Also, we got rid of the van and are looking for another vehicle for travel and groceries.

6. I had a dream I had this short, angular haircut and my husband kept petting the bottom of it near my neck and said it was cute! I woke up wanting to cut my hair into a sort of bob and highlight it.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Sick, Fever Thoughts

2011-03-06T16:03:00.005-05:00

This has been the week of the flu! We all were coughing, sore, tired, feverish, achey, and phlegmy. Yuck. I don't know how I made it through work Friday...

Yesterday is just a haze; I slept through most of the daylight, watched a bunch of movies in the evening, and ended up with weird dreams that tied in chronologically backwards to the sets of films I viewed.

So on that note, I thought I'd share some bizarre questions and my bizarre, flu fever-induced answers.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
This makes me think of a friend of mine who claims to not know how old he is.. but as for me.. I want to say my favorite number 22, and I am pretty confident that without my children with me, I could pull that off. Sometimes though, I feel like the me I was when I was 16. I wonder if I could pull that off?

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
The first thing that came to mind was dance, then sing, then I imagined a hippy community where everything was beautiful.. and I frolicked naked across the beach.. and the daydream ended in reality crashing down.
We are not to judge, but we do. We can't help but classify, compare, contrast, and group. Which leads to judging.
The question's goal seems to be to encourage you to try something, even if you suck at it. So go paint.. yourself.. nude, but you're not really nude anymore, cuz see, you're wearing paint.. because that's so IN right now.

And do it INSIDE where no one will judge you!!

When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?
Yes! I'm such a coward! *sobs* I'm a pansy! *blows nose* I've never stood for anything! Why am I so weak?! Why!? I don't care enough about debatable issues to get involved. I'll mold my life to fit the times, bend in like a reed in the wind, rather than stand for something. Whine, complain, but never act!
Actually, if I get riled up, I'll do something. I just don't have anything to make waves over. I prefer good news. Share the good news! I've become lazy and soft. Grr! That means a war is coming! Darn, just when I was comfy..

What would you regret not fully doing, being, or having in your life?
That's it! I don't have something to regret right now! That's where my fight has gone! Life is pretty okay right now, besides having the FLU!!!
Um.. I would regret never writing the stories that are inside me. The one thing that can make my day better is spending time writing. If I didn't do that, I'd not be satisfied.
I'd regret not having hubby. We all need a special someone who makes us feel special. It sounds so simple, but it's really not. Making others feel special is a gift. Making me feel special deserves its own award! Hubby is more than this, too. I'm seeing cocentric circles in my head, so now is not the time to get adjectives out of my brain. I'll do a mushy, why I love hubby post another day. Bubbly.
I'd regret not having my boys. I've always wanted kids, so if I didn't have some, thoughts of having some would consume me.
So in an alternate dimension where there is a single, childless, kick-ass, super-spy-chick version of me, she is not *really* happy, longing for the husband and kids I have.

I'm cold, is my soup ready yet?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

10 positive things

2011-02-27T12:59:00.005-05:00

Here are some good things this week, because I need to focus on the positive.

1. Chocolate Chip and Oreo cookies! Make the chocolate chip cookie batter as you normally would, then put a small dollop on the cookie sheet, smoosh the oreo gently on top, and cover with another dollop. Best served warm!

2. My car drives like a new vehicle! Well, minus the belt squeal when it starts. Though I made the mechanic stay an extra hour and paid him an extra 71 dollars, he did a good job. It has new lower ball joints and is aligned.

3. We have a water softener system that works! The one we bought last year was not designed for well water, and it kept breaking down these past few months. This is a new debt, but well worth it.

4. Temperatures are rising! Though it means mud right now, it is nice to think that the ice and snow is on it's way out and soon we'll be pulling out the shorts. :)

5. I have almost completed the tiling of my kitchen! It really brightens it up in here. The old tile had to go! It was crumbling apart. The only thing left to do is the edges around the cabinets and clean up the glue that stuck to our shoes, or my pants as I worked, and was tracked across the floor.

6. Though I will have a rough week at work with the big test, it's a full 5 day week and that means big bucks. :) How's that for being positive??

7. Took my oldest to his book fair, and he bought a book that teaches him how to draw comics; the mechanics of the panels and speech balloons, perspective, and a scenery panel at the beginning. It's great when our kids are interested in something creative.

8. It is amusing to watch my youngest play soccer! He has no idea what he is supposed to be doing out there. He wanders and looks at the ceiling, his coach and the refs all call his name to get him going in the right direction and he just ignores them. Scoring a goal is not the reason he is there. He is there to play his way! I'm sure as he gets older, he'll figure it out, but right now, he could care less.

9. We are all getting over some sinus cold stuff. Being sick is no fun! We need to get outside and play.

10. March is time to think about planning little one's birthday party. Birthday parties are positive things, so if I think about that, I'll be happier, right?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I predict there will be bargaining, bribery, and snacks involved

2011-02-26T15:09:00.005-05:00

As many of you know, I am a licensed teacher. That means that this upcoming week, I get the priveledge *ahem* of administering the statewide test in Applied Skills to my one-on-one student charge.

Let me spell this out to you..

This is the hardest test to take, because it is not simply fill-in-the-bubble, but write-out-everything you-know.

The state test says he has to write out a 5 paragraph essay on whatever topic they choose. I'll be lucky to get him to write ONE. And he's supposed to plan it out, without help from me at all.

Yeah, okay..sure..

..Not to mention, he has to show his work in math. And, like his classmates, he also must pick out the information he needs to use first, second, last, and figure out what the problem is asking. Perhaps it sounds whiny, and a typical 7th grader should be able to do this without help, but we're talking about a person who works best in a routine environment. Are there steps to follow that are the same each time in order to solve these problems? No.

I get it, this test wants to know if our students are learning to USE the things they are taught. Have we reached mastery of the knowledge? But what can we possibly use the data from this assessment for?

Say half of the kids perform at a failing level, which is a made-up statistic in my head. Does this mean the teachers are not doing their jobs, or that the students all need held back a grade? Are any of the teachers incompetent? If so, whom?

There is no way we can positively say that the teachers are not doing their jobs because the students are not mastering the material. Even if half of them fail. What are the demographics? What socioeconomic background do the students come from? How much material are the teachers asked to cover and in what time frame? How long does it take to master a subject?

I personally read many of last year's social studies questions. Let me say that I'm not sure I'd pass the test! It's partly due to the fact that I haven't studied all about the countries mentioned, but mostly due to the fact that my answers were close to what they wanted, but not exactly. I almost felt the same test anxiety I felt back in my school days when I was checking my own answers to these questions!

For example, the question might say "What is a human rights violations are still occurring in Asian countries?" I thought about China, India, Vietnam, (places I can pronounce!), and what I know of their cultures, then tried to think about what I know of human rights. I had to consider their religions, their governments, and their histories. What is still occurring? Rights violations. What rights are being violated?

Well the answer includes one of these: arranged marriages, caste system, and birth control (limiting the family size).

In order to receive full credit, I have to include part of the question in the answer, using a complete sentence, and if I don't mention a country, or explain how my choice is a violation, I only get half credit. There is no quick answer.

Each question gets 5 minutes, once you divide the time allotted by the number of questions.

Time management is key. If I think too long on one question, I'm sunk. The teachers also have to teach the students test-taking strategies like "skip the ones you don't know and come back". Is
the test more strategy than anything else?

My student doesn't test like that. He prefers to go one question at a time and never go back. He also wants the teacher to prompt him, to give him the direction he must go. "This question is asking you about how you would feel. How would you feel?" "This question says if the bunnies sold for 5.65 each, what would the tax be, then the total, then how much change?" I can't say those things.

I'm going to be trapped in a room alone with my student for over 2 hours. I can't help him. I can read the directions to him, as written in the manual. I can't paraphrase. I can't emphasize. I can only sit quietly. I predict he will tell me he can't do it. I predict we will take lots of breaks. I predict there will be bargaining, bribery, and snacks involved.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Blogging Catch-Up, with pictures!

2011-02-21T12:40:00.006-05:00

I am so far behind in blogging!

I started working this past week, and Tuesday is soccer practice night, Thursday we went out to eat with family who had helped us out the past year, to thank them, Friday we got groceries, and Wednesday I tried to clean up the house a bit, but was so tired, hubby did more work than I did!
I spent the weekend tiling the kitchen/dining room.
The job of tearing up the tile went to the boys, while I followed with the shop vac to help clean it up. I did use the power tile remover a bit, grr, girl power!Then I had to glue the tiles down, because for sticky tiles, they were NOT sticky.

And the floor is almost finished.
In other news, the job and busy-ness is helping me burn calories and fat. Yay! I'm feeling better every day. Look out world!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

This week, while at work, during down time, I jotted down a few random thoughts.

Learned a new term this week: Work Spouse. A work spouse is a co-worker (usually of the opposite sex) with whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage; such as, confidences, loyalties, shared experiences, and a degree of honesty or openness. Hubby brought this to my attention. I told him I have a couple. ;)
It's a sad sign of the times, but a good thing, when all chaperones for school field trips need to have a background check on file.
I need a new book to read..
Compliments and praise work no matter how old you are.
There is a poster with a cute puppy sitting down, looking over it's shoulder, that says, "I'd be unstoppable if I could only get started." Aww! It reminds me that I am going and I should be, and am, UNSTOPPABLE!!

Things that made me laugh this week:

3 yo tells us this LONG story about being in timeout at daycare. We asked him what he did, he said, "nothing." Not satisfied, and based on his current behavior, we prompted him, "Did you hit?" "Sonic, he just hit." He likes to pretend he's Sonic, so we told him he doesn't hit and neither does Sonic, and gave him a huge lecture. The next day I ask daycare about timeout and I get a deer-in-the-headlights look, "We never have to put him in timeout. But yesterday another girl was in timeout for kicking." Oh snap. Give me the Over-Parenting Award!

In other daycare news, the second day I dropped him off, he became sad and climbed up in a chair to pout. The doggie climbed up with him to comfort him. Aww!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Uplifting Song for Valentine's

2011-02-14T10:15:00.009-05:00

Since OuterHoard's comment to the previous post indicated that this song was about his impression of me, and since I've been so open with you about who I am in the 30 days of blogging pieces in January, I feel confident in posting this.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED (Coleman and Bartle, Sunrise After Tilling)
-----------------------

My friend walks the road less traveled
An unsealed road of discipline
She's sometimes led and sometimes driven
Sometimes hungry, sometimes fed
While we, the many, walk a highway
Lit so bright it must be true
She walks lanes that too few enter
Where tiny lanterns dot the gloom.

My friend turned her back on power
She chose another mobility
She finds peace in smaller places
For weakness is the source of grace
While we, the many, ask for praises
Through pride we're watered, so we grow
She avoids the kiss of culture
Down into the silence goes.

My friend walks a track that's stony
An uphill climb to God knows where
Sometimes she's touched by an ache so poignant
Sometimes she's driven to despair
While we, the many, skirt the painful
We, the many, anaesthetise
My friend looks, she seeks her darkness
She digs to find the better prize.

I think this song is saying a lot. And on days like Valentine's, we need to hear things that uplift us and make us feel special. It's nice to think that all the digging and despair is getting me somewhere; that it makes me a unique individual, the hardships mold me. Thoughts like that can give a girl strength.

I hope this song has reminded you to keep trudging through to reach the prize.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

First Song and a Plea; What Can I Try That's New?

2011-02-11T08:28:00.011-05:00

For Christmas, I received a personalized mix of songs from a friend in Australia. I have to admit, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to figure out why he chose each of these songs and what his impression is of me, or just become more cultured by the various musical elements. He assured me that it was for inspiration.

The first track is a nice ballad with acoustic guitar. It's not chick rock, but I enjoy it. :P

Painted Rocking Horse by Coleman and Bartle, cd Sunrise After Tilling.

A song for the worrier. A song for a person who is holding back. Scary opportunity is knocking on the door, adventure, change, and all they want to do is stay in their comfort zone. They dream about the adventure and how they totally rock while in the adventure, and then wake up to worry about the opportunity possibly passing them up and them being stuck in the same comfortable spot, same old job, same lifestyle, whatever. Been there, done that!

I ride a painted rocking horse and I'm too frightened to let go
There's a holy stallion stamping at the door
And if I ride the wild horse tonight, well I wonder where I'll go
Would he leave me broken, bleeding in the snow?

'Cos it might all come, all come tumbling down
'Cos it might all come, all come tumbling down
But if I never go, how will I ever know?

The horse I've been riding never asks for exercise
It's just a lazy rock, a gentle walk inside
But the stallion asks for more than this, he's impatient for his bride
But my rocking horse and I just won't decide.

'Cos it might all come, all come tumbling down
'Cos it might all come, all come tumbling down
But if I never go, how will I ever know?

In dream I rode the nightmare, and in dream my heart was strong
I was lifted by the stallion and his song
But it's light and I'm still haunted by the winter of a fear
Of a stallion gone forever and I'm still here.

This is a worry I have had, for most of 2010! That's why I am resolving to try something new (gulp) in 2011. In January I tried for a new job, a career change, but that didn't work out. This month I got a job, but it's not new. I got new clothes, but they hardly count. The only thing I can think of to try is to do my hair.

I hardly ever change my hair. I've only temporarily dyed it before, never permanently, and I've only had it cut really short twice in my life. I shouldn't be afraid, it's hair, it grows. The well water makes the ends of my hair change color anyway, so I'd like to even it out. That's not bold enough? How about red?

I know, I'm not thinking very hard. Help me out here! Leave a comment with suggestions for new things I could try!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Random Thoughts

2011-02-10T18:40:00.003-05:00

I have been cheerfully random these past few days and I thought I'd share!

Firstly, I will begin a full-time job on Tuesday. Yay! I will be following around a 13 year old student with autism to all of his classes in middle school. I am to keep him on task, organized, and well-behaved. He is in regular classes except for English Language because he is not a writer. I'll have something to teach him then, won't I?

I bought a Valentine's Day card for my Grandma who is 92 and living in a support facility ever since her hip was broken. Me = gift giver. Ever since we went to visit her for Thanksgiving and she came over for Christmas and I made her a letter with photos and gave her copies of my publications, I have wanted to keep in touch. She touches my heart.

LOVE.. is what makes life worth living!!

Just realized that I bought muzzles for my dogs at the same time as I bought them two balls to play with. the cashier must have thought I was planning on torturing them! Fetch! *whines*

One of my new outfits is REALLY fuzzy, which makes me Oh So Comfy, but it has a War of Electrons with the couch.. STATIC!

Confession: I talk to my goldfish. "Don't look at me like that! You're NOT hungry! I just fed you!"

I have a lot of oranges right now. Someone needs to eat the oranges..

The garage smells like tires.. which is better the usual mix of exhaust and hot engine oil..

Yesterday I thought a bird had gotten stuck in the top of the chimney. I heard chirping and flapping and brittle bones hitting the metal flashing. I think it was a grackle, because a flock of them have been chirping outside in the back yard nonstop all day! I believe they are organizing a rescue attempt. I want to believe it worked because there is no chirping today..

Hubby just challenged me to make these cookies: Oreos inside chocolate chip. You have to see it to believe it!

I warmed my lunch IN THE OVEN. That's almost COOKING!

I haven't played facebook games in a week... AND THE WORLD DIDN'T END!

Lastly, I am way overdue on a promise to blog about the CD @GoldHoarder, a.k.a Flesh-Eating Dragon, a.k.a Zerrakhi made for me for Christmas. It's supposed to inspire me, and I think I'm ready to let it.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Cheering Myself Up: Favorite Things

2011-02-08T09:53:00.009-05:00

New tires, and snow instead of ice, and I am on the road again.. whee!

But now I am sick. Boo!

So here I am with a gift card and coupon for Kohl's, and an appointment to switch our insurance provider to save bundles of cash, and I keep sneezing and leaking from my nose and can't breathe.

Why today?!

I spent yesterday inside, cleaning! I thought that was the worst of this sickness! Gah! Even the fish tank got a long awaited scrub! My laundry is all done! Exclamation point overuse alert!

So, to cheer me up, here's a few Favorite Things this week:

1. Netflix! We signed up for the live streaming. New jobs, new modes of fun. So many more choices than hulu movies AND we can stream it to the big TV through the Wii or PS3. (If you want to use your 360, you have to have a Gold account, which is stupid to pay twice for movies in my opinion, unless you use your gold acct. for other things, which we don't)

2. Butt-toning Shoes! I bought the cheap ones my Dr. Scholl's so I am Gellin' too! I wore them on the weekend as we trudged in the melting slush to Lowe's and Wal-Mart and by the end of the day my thighs were screaming. Go shoes! I'm going to wear them at school in my new job.

3. Advil Cold and Sinus! Even the generic CVS brand is better than Tylenol Cold on my sinus symptoms. I have taken a generic tylenol version and it worked for all of 30 minutes and cut out on me. I need the Sudafed stuff that they moved behind the counter due to meth-heads! Walmart was out of the GOOD stuff. Off to CVS!

4. Car Parts! When I got my new tires, I was supposed to get an alignment at the same time. But they refused because my front lower ball joints are worn out. Hubby picked up the entire knuckle and will be replacing them both so I can go get my alignment. Every little fix makes me more confident in my vehicle. Increasing it's stability is awesome! Sure, there's plenty more to come, but it's a step in the right direction.

5. Shopping! It's clearance time! And I need clothes. Except I'm sick. So the plan is to get some Advil C&S in me and get to Kohl's and TJ Maxx and the Mall. Yeah! Go me!

6. Comments! I received a sort of mediocre comment on my work that I took to be worth much more. It put me on Cloud 9. Not only that, but the commenter then chose to sequel my work, which means it inspired and touched them, which made me feel that I did take the comment as seriously as as it was intended. I think I have found my writing niche, though if I write and submit in this area, I'm going to have to BRING IT to be unique and get signed.

7. Inspiration! I'm working on a blog post all about it, I promise! I'm just catching up from a weekend spent out of the house, then inside painting, reorganizing, washing, and improving. The laundry room is almost 100% done! We have a new door and new faucet and trim! I'm getting things done to make room for more projects and it feels good. Life should be inspiring.

8. Friends in chat that grow closer! I had a great chat with a friend last night that truly brought us closer together, even though an ocean separates us geographically. Technology is so wonderful!

9. Tissues. Thank goodness they were invented, because I am going through about a box a day!

10. Comfort Food. I haven't had any yet, and I'm about to! Yum.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Weathering the Storm

2011-02-03T10:35:00.006-05:00

Well, all said and done, there is about 3 inches of ice out there, making the driveway, the yard, and the gravel road an ice rink. The major highways are clear, but the side roads are slick.

The skies cleared, but it so cold, nothing will melt.
My hands are tired from working a sledge hammer to free the dog's chain from the ice. I can't grip my thumbs to my index fingers. It's not too cold for the dogs to be out, and I'm tired of shoveling poo from the garage when they refuse to go when I walk them! You had your opportunity! I had to sledge the ice. But I will pay.

Being iced in means I should be doing things around the house to not go stir crazy. I haven't.
I made a writing challenge on ficly.com.
I played my DS.
I hosted my family members who have not had power for almost 2 days.
I did dishes and laundry and mopped and chased the kids, making them pick up their toys.

That's good, right?

So, tomorrow my thumbs and inner arms are going to be SORE. I'd better do some chores today so I can rest tomorrow. I have no idea when I'll be able to drive my car again. Bald tires and no warm up in sight.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

counting my blessings today

2011-02-01T10:25:00.004-05:00

The ice started accumulating last night.And continued until the wee hours of the morning. There is more on the way!
We are supposed to get up to 3 inches. As you can tell, this is just a fraction of an inch.

The power is still on, but not for everyone. 1, 2, 3. We have heat and water and shelter. Three blessings, all of which we have lacked during the past year at one time or another!

4, 5. Hubby made it to work safely in this. He has good tires and good steering in his truck. 6. Thank goodness we have a garage so he didn't have to chip into his vehicle and let it run for an hour to thaw.

7. Having a school related job means I get to stay home with the kids when school is closed.

8. I am thankful for pajamas! Such comfort to lounge around in when it is icy outside!

9. It's wonderful to have children who entertain themselves, but also for board games to play with them.

10. Hot cocoa is a great thing too!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Why AreThere More Questions Than Answers?

2011-01-30T19:07:00.005-05:00

Day 30: Your Highs and Lows This Month

This month started out with a lot of hope. It's a new year, there was a new baby in the family, my niece, and sometime we were hoping hubby would get hired on.

I had the bright idea to attempt to get a decent job with a salary. I subbed in the meantime and planned my son's 8th birthday.

Then I went to my interview and was so nervous, I think I totally bombed it. This plunged me into three days of walking depression. Even though I threw a party and brushed off the interview fiasco like it wasn't bothering me, I couldn't be a wife to my husband, nor a great mom for a few days. Finally I convinced myself that it just wasn't meant to be and at least I tried. If I choose to repeat this process, I will have learned something from it.

Hubby finally heard he was getting hired on January 31st. He starts tomorrow. Thing is, I haven't really celebrated this wonderful news. We did go out to eat. But in my heart, I haven't let the joy in.

And then I found out about a full time position as an aide for a 7th grade student with autism whom I had worked with before. I was a shoe-in. The principal and assistant principal of the school would have hired me that very minute. The interview for this job was completely different.

The only thing about this job is that I know what I am in for. I know the stresses and pitfalls that WILL come with this job. You'd think I'd be prepared, but I'm afraid I'll fall for them the same way I fell for them before. My goal is to stay positive. But more importantly, to keep looking for other jobs, to use this as a foot in the door. I'm going back for a reason. I just don't know what that is.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

January Is Over??

2011-01-29T15:54:00.004-05:00

Day 29: Goals for the Next 30 Days

1. Try Something New (at this point I'm thinking it may be hair related)
2. Post About Inspiration (among other things)
3. Car Maintenance
4. Edit something
5. Finish series' on Ficly.com
6. Make a Dance Mix
7. Stay Positive At Work (and remind everyone I have a license to teach)
8. Eat Healthy (my job requires walking up and down stairs a lot, so it'll help me start to lose my 2010 fat)

And that's what I have so far..

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

This Blazé Mood Just Won't Do

2011-01-29T15:46:00.004-05:00

Day 28: Something That You Miss

Right now, I miss writing. I haven't done much more than blog (and you can tell that's been every other day lately) and copy over a story with multiple POVs to one singular first person Point of View.

I haven't been on my favorite website!

I miss the feeling of completion when I finish something epic and hit that submit button.

I miss the elation at getting a new comment on my work, even if it offers up a critique.

I miss the zone I go into when I am typing up a scene. Much like reading, stepping away from the piece back into reality is surreal.

At least during Nano I was writing every day and felt this bliss often. It's just been a long week, and I'm facing another long week, so I just want to crash and do nothing and wallow in my own self laziness.

But then I wouldn't have clean clothes.

And my yucky mood would last longer.

We can't have that.

(Usually what I miss is having a real girlie friend to shop with, but I'm not in a shopping mood.)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Is There A Happy Balance?

2011-01-27T08:10:00.004-05:00

Day 27: A Problem That You Have Had

I've been struggling with my role. Yep. I want to work to support my family financially, however, that has been troublesome. I apply and maintain my resume and try, but nothing comes to fruition.

I want to also keep my home tidy and healthy for my family, and enjoy sleeping in, or choosing what days to work and when to be lazy as a substitute.

I can't have both.

Do I want to work or do I want to be lazy?

Then there is writing. When I am all flustered, not a word comes out. When I am busy with work and housecleaning, I can't even read and leave a comment on my favorite website! If I want to write, I have to not work.

Am I a writer, or a worker? Can I find a happy balance?

I think if I get a consistent job, I can work around my schedule and fit chores and writing in. With this inconsistent schedule, I never know what I'll have time for.

Yes, there is a balance. Consistency brings harmony.

Getting there is the struggle.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Crying: Cast Your Vote!

2011-01-27T08:01:00.004-05:00

Day 26: Crying: Strength or Weakness?

Sometimes crying just has to be done. After a stressful event, crying helps get those emotions out. There are tears for joy as well as sorrow. Most of my tears are from frustration. Or maybe pent up emotions that just boil over.

I hate to cry in view of any other human.

But I am reminded of a time when I was dating my now husband and my aunt had passed away. He said he'd rather I cried on his shoulder, with him, than without. He wanted to hold me and feel like he was doing something to comfort me. So in my crying times today, I remember I don't have to hide my tears from him.

Strength or weakness? I must personally view crying as a weakness, otherwise I wouldn't want to hide it. Even though I know that it is a necessary function, a path to emotional health, I still don't want to share.

What do you vote: strength or weakness?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Love One Another

2011-01-25T16:57:00.003-05:00

Day 25: Someone Who Fascinates You and Why

Mentally ill people.

I don't mean this in a bad way. I have friends with mental illnesses, and have worked with several people that have them. I find them fascinating because they are a puzzle. How much of them is the illness and how much is them? What triggers them?

I enjoy learning the aspects of their personality. Maybe somewhere inside I think I can help fix them, but really, I often find bits of myself in them. How do you diagnose someone, calling them not quite normal?

What if I am crazy too?

What is normal?

We all have some sort of complex, mine is inferiority. I function in society, so I am normal, right? How many people do you know say they have OCD about something?

What I enjoy doing is getting to know them, as people. it's far too easy to stare, or look away. It's much harder to smile and offer a friendly hello.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Moments Like These

2011-01-25T16:41:00.003-05:00

Day 24: What Makes You Smile

Random moments when the 3 1/2 year old looks at me, sighs and says "I Love You!" then gives me a kiss. What did I do to deserve this?

A clean house.

An organized desk.

Sunshine, but not when it's snowy and reflects into your eyes making you blind, but rather when it's 78 and breezy.

Trips to someplace new, or someplace fun. I enjoy anticipating something with excitement. Who doesn't? It's like Christmas!

Christmas!

Satirically funny movies. Like The New Guy or Drop Dead Gorgeous.

And lastly, laying by the fire with hubby. :)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Hottest Post Ever!

2011-01-23T18:01:00.009-05:00

Day 23: 5 Famous Guys You Find Attractive

Andrew Lee Potts Seen in: TV mini series Alice. He played Hatter.
Loved that character, sort of a bad boy.

Alex O'Loughlin Seen in: TV series Moonlight and currently on Hawaii Five-O
Definitely a bad boy, but wants so much to be good, it's like scolding a puppy! Look at those eyes. He's got smolder.

Johnny Depp Who doesn't like Depp???

Alan TudykFrom Firefly and Serenity, and also Knight's Tale and a host of others.
My favorite-est red-head! If only it has stayed as red as in Knight's Tale..

Scott Cohen
He's a bit older, but I LOVED his character Wolf in The 10th Kingdom. I always enjoy his cameos in other shows.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

How Have I Changed In The Past 2 years?

2011-01-23T14:17:00.004-05:00

Day 22: How Have You Changed in the past 2 Years?

I went back to read over my first blogs here on this site. Wow. Some of them are so embarrassing.. I deleted a few posts. *cheeks burn with shame*

It's obvious I have matured as a writer, as well as a mom and wife, by reading back over those. In 3 years, this blog hasn't had much of a purpose but to share a little bit of my life with you. Though I was disappointed in the scattered content at first, I realized that's just me, and I'm not going to change. While I do have ideas for future posts, they are going to be a varied as the songs my soul sings.

In the past 2 years I have:

owned 3 vehicles
gained one dog
been a wild turtle rescuer
had some great and not so great teaching experiences
been published
made some new friends and said good-bye to others
bought a house!!!!!

Some of my views about the world have been tested and opinions solidified: issues in education and gay/lesbian rights, specifically.

Reading back over my blogs, many of the laments I had about my job are now reminders of lessons learned. Some things never change, and others are just hallmarks to avoid in the future. I am just as hard-headed, and at times impulsive, as ever, still sometimes falling for the same lines, making the same mistakes. Maturity means I'm either recovering quicker, or stopping myself before it gets too far.

One thing that stands out to me: I had forgotten what my son was like at 5 and 6. Remembering his behaviors is a warning to me about what's to come with the younger one! Maybe history won't repeat itself, but as humans, we tend to go through the same struggles at the same ages.

But most importantly, all the bad stuff that shaped me seems to dissipate, the hurt feelings numbed by time. It's the good things I remember most.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

TV: Favorite Shows

2011-01-21T11:26:00.005-05:00

Day 21: One of Your Favorite Shows

Ah, TV.

We got rid of our satellite service. We don't watch enough of it to be worth paying for.

I DO watch shows, though. Hulu is my friend! I can watch documentaries, or link to A&E's Hoarders when I need motivation to clean, or Clean House when I need motivation to organize. I caught up on some old shows I never finished watching, like Wildfire and Firefly. I just started Merlin and I stay up to date on Pretty Little Liars and Glee.

I watched a reality-type show made for hulu about young people given the shot at stardom. I even caught a few episodes of Pregnant at 16.

Hubby and I manage to watch House, Big Bang Theory, Hawaii Five-o (because I loved Alex in Moonlight), and we were watching Warehouse 13. Hubby gave up on Fringe, but I catch it and watch. We might even start Dresden Files after Merlin, but I think I may prefer Merlin..

The best thing is, I can pause it. You know how crazy my life is! I'm constantly doing several things at once. So if I have to go bake a cake, stop a fight, or fold laundry, I can.

I can't just pick one show, though. They all have their own appeal.

What do you watch?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Your Brain is A Muscle Too

2011-01-20T11:25:00.002-05:00

Day 20: How Important You Think Education Is

I'm a teacher. I am a college graduate. I want to go back to college to better myself. I think education is pretty darn important.

Hours a week are spent teaching my kids at home, other kids when I sub, and myself on the internet. Learning constantly is what life is about, even if the knowledge is how sharp the coffee table corner is compared to your shin.

We should challenge ourselves daily. I think if we don't, we get very bored. Hobbies and jobs do that, they challenge us (not bore us, you sillies). Problem solving, hand-eye coordination, transfer of skills, muscle memory, short term memory, and other skills can be developed. Work out your brain!

We all know people we think are blundering idiots. Don't be one of them. There was a study that showed that you can continue to increase your I.Q. into your old age. If you give up and stop learning, you are selling yourself short and probably missing out on opportunities.

READ READ READ, write, do crosswords, knit, golf, keep working, DIY some projects, practice, READ, and keep your body healthy. :)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

You're Not Too Big To Turn Over My Knee!

2011-01-19T08:40:00.005-05:00

Day 19: Disrespecting Your Parents

I don't get how this is a blog topic...

To disrespect your parents is to earn punishment.

When I was 18 I did disrespect my parents, and I thought they would disown me. 'Jars of Clay' (it was the 'Flood' CD) was the only thing that soothed my soul in the dark as tears silently ran down my cheeks. My Dad was so furious he threatened to spank me, and I was so mad I threatened to call and report it as abuse. Dad said he'd have a hard time forgetting this infraction. I was crushed.

What had I done?

Lied to them so I could stay with my boyfriend. Overnight. I had behaved like the other college students, co-habitating behind closed doors.

My parents felt betrayed, like I had thrown the values they instilled in me out the window. Now that I'm a parent, if one of my kids pulled this stunt, I'd be pretty pissed too. Hubby would have to hold me back. Luckily, I'm so short, he can!

All teenagers rebel against their parents. My rebellion came late, almost after my teen years were up and I was not under their roof.

But I still loved my parents enough to want to call home from college every week. I did not drink or party. I did my homework, and took summer classes a couple of years to get through my minor. Some rebellion, huh? You know what, I'm going to take classes! Yeah that's what!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Believe in Love

2011-01-18T10:02:00.004-05:00

Day 17: Your Beliefs

I do BELIEVE I covered this. :)

I believe that God is Love, that the ministry of Jesus was teaching us about Love, and I choose to try my very best to Love everyone. That's the basics.

I wrote a poem about my beliefs, once.

I Believe

I believe in rainy days that soak in deep to nourish at the root
I believe in rainbows of paper butterflies swaying above my head in childish glee
I believe in ice cream sundaes that melt fast in the sun leaving sticky puddles of joy
I believe in harmonies that make angels weep for their beauty
I believe in vanilla and lavender bubble baths of pure silent bliss

These things make me happy. I could add to the list, but I think you get the picture.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Highs and Lows

2011-01-17T10:56:00.003-05:00

Day 17: Your Highs and Lows of the Past Year

January
Highs: We just moved into our house!! Biggest, most awesome high ever. Found a new daycare, began applying for teaching positions for next year with optimism, Son started playing indoor soccer, having crawlspace repaired and sump pump installed

Lows: illness, made a lot of phone calls about house, learned 1/2 days subbing was fruitless

February
Highs: Took family out to Red Lobster in thanks for helping us with house; took son to his bookfair; had Valentine's lunch at my Mom's; started working at a middle school for 3 weeks; bought items for house; boys' beds, shelving, storage cabinets, got a new camera; went out of town to Mall for a fun shopping trip

Lows: power out for a week, got in fight with home warrantee company, van's engine blew

March
Highs: Got to stay working at school for 3 more weeks, then sub; picked up my 2nd doggie and made him a home here

Lows: Son decides he is not really into soccer, I make him go anyway

April
Highs: Sis-in-law's baby shower is a blast; I sub a lot; last soccer game; filled out more job apps for next school year in hope; planted flowers; weather was nice for son's birthday; published in Eclectic Flash

Lows: feel guilty about buying new office chairs

May
Highs: Family went to Zoo; got a recommendation letter; planted flowers for my Mom; bought my car; found out my sis was pregnant

Lows: hubby quit his job

June
Highs: hubby gets new job; took kids to small fair; interview went great; swam with kids; took them to library to kickoff summer learning; did some more gardening in front of house; published the porch book with my aunt; went to Holiday World theme park; had a fun VBS; went to Nashville, IN artist colony

Lows: not working, though I enjoy it, it strains the budget.

July
Highs: Lots of family get togethers for the 4th; laundry room painted, floored, and new appliances; went to the 4-H fair; started ficly nominations for book; went to a big Mall, but it turned out not a shopping place for us

Lows: back to paycheck by paycheck living by end of month, stopped going to the library functions, but still for books, it got so hot, had to put dogs in garage during the day

August
Highs: took boys to Children's Museum, saw Bill Nye, babysat my nieces and nephew, back to school, voting on ficly book canceled and all nominations included; friend sent me gift of brand new book I had to cancel my pre-order of!

Lows: rejected for assistance, but it was their error, had to fight them; no school job

September
Highs: straightened out assistance issue, but had to wait on other department to mail; self-published poetry book and snippet of my micro fiction collection to generate sales

Lows: tried to get a job, but it was filled by transfer; subbed very little

October
Highs: finally got funds in; went to covered bridge festival (for socks, they were out of boys socks) and had our favorite 6 dollar meal; had 1st weekend ALONE in years!; ficly book done and ready for order, had a good time trick-or-treat-ing

Lows: very little subbing, began to apply for other jobs, no luck

November
Highs: held a practice turkey fry; had lots of family thanksgiving celebrations, even went to see my grandma; paid for ficly book sales, as well as my own microfiction book

Lows: began to get sinus infections; felt very depressed about not having job, applied for college, but decided if I went back, I'd go local instead of online

December
Highs: Christmas, especially giving gifts; Oldest son's first new year watching ball drop; designed and built a doghouse for new doggie in one evening; Christmas card and gift from Australia;

Lows: not much work, especially with winter break in there; lots of illness; hubby's truck broke, but we fixed it; the furnace quit, so we had to fix it; it was so cold, had to put the dogs in the garage overnight.

And you have to wait for my update on THIS month. :)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Prefer Something Borrowed or Blue..

2011-01-16T11:47:00.008-05:00

Day 16: Your views on mainstream music

I just did a post on music! I don't listen to mainstream music! Sure, I pick up on popular songs in commercials and movies and the occasional radio I catch while with someone else, but I don't stay abreast of the newest bands.

So let's change this.

Day 16: When Was the last Time You Tried Something New

Well, I got a new CD for Christmas, and everything is good about it but the lead singer screams in some songs.

Um..

Sometimes we try a new variation of a food we already like. Does that count? Oh, look, honey! They make it in a pastry now!

I sub in new classrooms in new schools, that's always an adventure!

I tried twitter and took notes on marketing myself as an author and self published with different sites. I also headed up the ficly paperback project. How's that?

I'm not much for trying new things, I guess. I mean, I work up to changes gradually. I don't even like to jump in the pool to get over the shock of the water being cold, but I did that for the first time in 2010.

I actually wrote this question on my calendar after I read it a couple weeks ago. It seemed a New Year's kind of thing to do. See? I even had to warm up to the question!

So, I guess I have to make a point to do new things this year.

Gulp

I'm scared to ask, but, any suggestions?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Shout Outs

2011-01-14T09:20:00.009-05:00

Day 15: Your favorite blogs

FINALLY I can take a break from talking about myself, which has been bugging me, and talk about others. Yay!

First of all, on the right, you will see links to blogs of fellow writers that I follow. Some of them I keep in touch with by other means. I follow more than are linked there, some that update infrequently so they aren't on the list right now, and I read more than I can follow.

I enjoy reading the blog of Betsy Lerner, an agent who has written a book about the writing craft called Forest for the Trees. Her snappy and blunt musings tell me that as an agent, she would put me in line and balance my calmer, weaker, passive demeanor. I printed out a quote of hers and have it taped to my 2011 office space:

"Dude, write your heart out. delete half of it. Get it into the hands of a writing workshop, class or freelance editor. Work on it more. Repeat. Send to moi and five other agents. See what happens. If you bottom out, try again. Revise. Start a new project. Revise, etc. Never give up. Self-publish. Just keep writing and developing and living. That's the most important part."

That is my new credo for 2011.

On a more dangerous note, I also follow Blogging Dangerously by an anonymous woman who writes about married S.E.X. As well as Adding Zest to Your Nest which is a Christian blog of multiple writers who provide advice, tips, suggestions, challenges, and addresses issues on Christian Married Sex.

Why?

Just because I don't talk about it, doesn't mean I don't have strong feelings about it. From those two blogs, you will get a feel for my feelings about it. I want to surround myself with like-minded people for support when I'm feeling less than frisky.

And that's enough about that. I'm not blogging anonymously here!

I also want to give a shout out to a friend who has made a basic Blog Post Inspiration Engine and needs contributors! You can see some of my blog posts linked there as well as his. If you have an idea, send him a note, maybe with your own blog post linked. He is author of The Outer Hoard and is one of my contacts in Australia! (Woohoo, I'm world-renowned! :P)

I follow several authors:

K.M. Weiland
Laurie Halse Anderson
One day I want a site like Shawn Klomparens where you can find everything about my books. My Wordpress About tab is the closest I have. dailyspoonfulsofsugar.wordpress.com (and they are not daily as I had hoped)
Or better yet, hook up with Digital Novelists like April Raines did.

And some inspiring blogs

Operation NICE
The Awe-manac
1000 Awesome Things (which is a book now)

Happy reading!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Have A Good Memory

2011-01-13T16:21:00.004-05:00

Day 14: Your Earliest Memory

When I was barely 5 we moved from our city house to our country house. So these are the memories of the city house.. I was 4 years old. My sister was born 4 months before I turned 4.

My mom folding cloth diapers into a dresser for my sister, but I don't know if it was before or after she was born. I think I remember waking up one morning and asking my grandmother where my mother was, and being told she was at the hospital, going to bring my baby sister home. It was odd to have Grandma there.
Falling out of my new big-girl bed, getting up and going the other twin bed in my room and falling out of it, then going back to 'my' bed and staying there.
The tiles were white and cold in my bedroom.
The front closet smelled strongly of something, maybe mothballs and leather.
Getting my bike with training wheels, propping it up on the curb so I could pedal fast and make the back wheel spin. There were wooden blocks bolted to the pedals so I could reach them.
Eating real peanuts you had to shell.
How the girl down the street's older brother was so big and fast on his bike. He scared me.
How the boy across the street had low three wheelers and a dog just like the Benji dog on television.
I remember sitting on an ant colony and them crawling all over me. My mom freaked out.
The neighbor's had prickly pears on a vine along the fence beside our driveway and they hurt my finger.
The mail lady always fed my dog a treat.
I remember being scared of my Dad when he broke his leg because he was never supposed to break, he was superman. That leg in a cast wasn't his. It couldn't have been.
I got in trouble for crossing the street and playing with the neighbors who had a deaf Mom. They had a bouncy ball with a handle the older boy refused to let us little girls play on. He bounced to me and I froze because I could see up his shorts.
The day was allowed to go over and play on the slip 'n slide, I knocked the wind out of my lungs and was afraid I was going to die. Then I played hide-n-seek.
I rode bikes with Mom a couple blocks to the park, my sister behind Mom in the kiddie seat, I on my training wheels. I don't remember the park, just the ride.
Going to daycare with my sister and Mom, where she worked, and seeing a boy who had fallen and cracked his head open leave with papertowels wrapped around his head; the tire swings that everyone hogged; the book I brought was loaned to a kid who tore it and was returned with tape all over it; the girls thought it was funny to share a toilet at restroom time, two peeing at the same time; two girls arguing over who was darker skinned.
My dog would come in when it was really cold and curl up on an old blanket and not move from beside the fireplace. I tried to play with him, but he was too shivery. I brought my toys to him instead.
My Dad getting rid of a Strawberry Shortcake metal doll stroller that he claims was broken. I threw a fit over it. I don't remember playing with it much, but the moment he was going to take it to the dump, I knew it was my most prized possession in all the world and he was just cruel to take it from me. :P
Flipping over the kiddie pool in my front yard to dump out the water, it was heavy, but I could do it.
My dog getting a bath in a metal tub.
Trying very hard to learn to do a cartwheel OVER the hose sprawled out in the yard.
Visiting a neighbor lady who was old and had green shag carpet. She gave me jelly beans. I didn't like them.
I hated the clown makeup they made me wear on Halloween. It was cold. The old people liked it. One house gave me strawberry candies with jelly in the middle. They were okay until the jelly part. I don't like jelly.
My Kermit the Frog balloon. I took him swimming in the kiddie pool with me. He was on a stick. I was sad when he popped.

The day we moved, EVERYONE in my life showed up to help us and I thought it was a Grand Time. Excitedly, I told the neighbor boy that we were moving today and I didn't understand why he was so sad and didn't want to play with me. The girl across the street had already moved. It hit me later what that really meant.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Home

2011-01-12T19:38:00.005-05:00

Day 13: Somewhere You'd Like to Move or Visit

I've always been in love with the idea of 'Home'. Home is where the heart is. I love every one of the seasons in their own right and am glad I live where I can witness them.

Once, after a long trip, I remember noticing how the land changed and began to feel more like home. There was something about the trees that grew in the right clumps, the land that had the right amount of hill and dale. Maybe my body knew it was the right height above sea level, or the right magnetic distance from the North Pole. Or perhaps my mind interpreted all these things inside the knowledge that I was almost home. Whatever it was, I love my corner of the world.

But I'd like to visit lots of places!

I want to swim in the ocean, though I bet it is lot like the wave pool at the waterpark. (They even use saltwater!) Maybe take a surf lesson.

I want to see the desert with adobe churches and lizards. Maybe swing by the Grand Canyon and visit a western ghost town.

I want to heft a gigantic volcanic rock and pose for a picture like I'm super buff.

I want to visit a lighthouse.

I want to stay at a castle, admire the stonework, and take pictures of sheep herders crossing the road with their flock.

I want to get my hair dredded and listen to a steel drum band.

I'd like to visit the Holy Land. Egypt, Greece, and Rome would be neat too.

Would I make it to New Zealand, Australia, or Japan? I don't know. The thought of being so far from home is kind of intimidating. I'd have to be sure there was nothing to worry about back home to feel free enough to embark upon a long journey.

There's a world of experiences out there, even the blunders of being a tourist, that I want to learn from. I'd like to take my family, to share these experiences with those I hold most dear.

But nothing feels like Home.

I could argue, as long as I have my hubby, my heart, I am home no matter what country we are in. (awwww) But Home to me includes family and security. I'd never feel completely secure far away from my loved ones.

So I'd visit, but not live in other places for long. I'd always wish for Home.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Me, Me, Me, My Day.. ugh.

2011-01-12T07:57:00.005-05:00

Day 12: Bullet Your Day

Really? Do you actually care?

Today we happen to have a 2 hour delay and I happen to be working. I was supposed to work yesterday but school was closed due to snow. Today I have to risk my life and the lives of my children while driving to daycare and work.
I should have planned this out better.. :/

Wake up
Get kids and I ready for day: breakfast, dressed, groomed
Go to work (hopefully)
Come home, picking up little one from daycare on the way
Eat
Do chores, help older one with homework
Get shower
Read bedtime stories
Go to bed when I feel tired

There ya go. The basic plan. Happy now?

I'm beginning to think that writing for 30 days about ME is losing my readers. Though this blog is my personal space and I use it as a journal, I'm thinking that I need to change it up. I need to post something fun every week that will be worth your time.

FLAVA

yeah, it needs flava..

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Music and Me

2011-01-11T10:35:00.007-05:00

Day 11: Ipod shuffle, first 10 songs.

I don't OWN an ipod.
I'm not really musically inclined.
Music is my weakest 'intelligence'.
Sure, I sing loudly in the car, but it's a joyful NOISE.

I used to be pretty good at singing, but I'm way out of practice now.

Plus, I choose to listen to Christian rock, and hubby is not into that, so I try to be accommodating and I only play it when he is not home, or on my computer with the headphones plugged in.

When I do listen to music I am usually doing other things, like laundry folding, or driving, things that take up the mechanical part of my brain.

I can't listen to music and write. Okay, well sometimes I can. But usually, I need to concentrate in silence. I find if I do listen to music when writing, I stop paying attention to the music. I am in a state of sensory deprivation, a tunnel created by the sound, a zone where only the words matter.

I live in a primarily music-less world. I enjoy music, but I can't hear all the subtle nuances that a musician can. I can't pick out each instrument in a composition. I just like what I like. I don't like country-twangy singers, or nasally singers. I love a good beat.

Maybe I should listen more often, especially if I want to dance for exercise! Maybe this should be a resolution; make an exercise mix.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Kissing Is A Big Deal

2011-01-10T08:23:00.008-05:00

Day 10: Discuss Your First Love and First Kiss

Discuss?? *squirms*

I don't like PDA (public displays of affection), so why would I want to discuss my first kiss in public?!

Most of you are like, 'what's the big deal? I'm sure it was so long ago..' but see, I married that kisser. And he reads my blog!

I wasn't kissed until I was 17. O.o Yeah, you heard me. In kissing terms that age is ancient and because that age is ancient, I must have had something wrong with me, right?

I was just innocent and plain and everyone's friend.

I made him wait two weeks to even try it.

But I married him for his persistence, his brain that matches my wavelengths, and his ability to make me laugh.

My first love..

I had crushes. I had crushes on Bad Boys. This one guy looked like Jonathan Brandis, oh yeah. Another was baby-faced and tan. If I open my middle-school yearbook and find his picture, it still makes my heart palpitate.

See? I can talk about them because I don't know where they are now!

My first 'boyfriend' was a sham. I was teased and hated and ostracized when the class found out I liked him at the awkward age when I was going through puberty and started to smell. He chased another girl around the playground while I pretended that it was just a cover for our hidden relationship that was mostly in my head.

Then there was the red-headed kid incident, where, like in the book 'flipped', the timing was just not right. I was left pining for my idea of what could have been for years.

Then I had a guy whom my friends claimed I was going out with. I held his hand sometimes, sat with him at lunch, but one day we were like, 'do you think we are more than friends?' and it was a resounding and mutual 'no'.

To love and be loved back was the desire of my heart and the subject of many a whispered prayer.

Until I met my husband.

(insert awww here)

I'd scan and share the prom pictures, but they are SCARY!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

My Future Is.. Undecided..

2011-01-09T13:50:00.005-05:00

Day 9: How You Hope Your Future Will Be Like

I remember envisioning my future as a teenager. What girl doesn't imagine her future? It's a time when you consider college and family and moving out on your own. I always pictured a white picket fence and a big Victorian house with flower gardens and lots of pets and a happy flock of children. I thought back then that I would adopt kids or foster them. I never imagined the hard work it would take to acquire those things. I wanted beauty, color, peace, and sunshine.

I still want beauty, color, peace, and sunshine!

I never imagined the husband I would have, or what job I would do. I knew I would teach and be a mom and counsel. I didn't know in what order. Hey, I was flexible in my planning!

I still am.

I set goals short term, mostly. I haven't thought about where I see myself in 10 years, or heck even at the end of this one!

This is bad because it proves to me that I have no job prospects, no desire for a career. This stems from the past 6 years trying everything to build my reputation as a teacher. I had one awesome semester, where I proved to myself and to that elementary school that I could do it. But an opportunity exactly like that one has fizzled into non-existence. My drive to be that person has disappeared.

But not thinking ahead is also good because I can live in the moment. I also don't get worked up if a part of my Grand Plan fails.

Right now I am a writer. I've been storing up writing in notebooks and on post-its, on websites, and finishing projects during nano. My short term goals involve editing and coming up with a completed project through blood, sweat, and tears that I can fully support.

Writing is not a typical career, with salary and benefits. It is rewarding and satisfying.

So here's the dilemma I've been in for months now, job or write: how to be housemom, mother, writer, and bread earner?

Where does that leave my future? Still undecided.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Make The Best of What You Have

2011-01-08T14:23:00.006-05:00

Day 8: A Moment You Felt Most Satisfied With Your Life

I've had several moments like these, moments I felt truly blessed. For me, it involves a day with nothing pressing to worry about. Usually a worry has just been relieved.

Let's review the facts:
1. I now own a home.
2. My children are healthy.
3. My husband loves me unconditionally.

What else does a person need? I should be satisfied right now, right?

So where does the worry come from? Money. The root of all evil, perhaps, but definitely the root of all my worries.

What shall we eat this week? How much does a tow cost? When can we afford to have my son get his eyes re-examined? How much for furnace repair? Do I have enough gas to get me to work?

Sometimes things are serious. It's frustrating to continue spending money to maintain status quo, because the desire is to better yourself. It's frustrating to wait until the next paycheck to resolve an issue that seems dire. But it gets done. I guess waiting from paycheck to paycheck teaches patience and a bit of creativity to do without or work around a problem.

Right now however, status quo is the best we can hope for, so I think a change in perspective is needed. The goal must change from 'better ourselves' to 'make the best of what we have'.

And in doing so, we'll realize more moments are blessings and remember to stop to smell the roses, or at least appreciate what we have.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

What's My Sign?

2011-01-07T14:07:00.005-05:00

Day 7: Your Zodiac Sign and If You Think It Fits Your Personality

There was a time I came into possession of a book of all the zodiac signs and their indicators on everything about life; marriage, love, friendships, positive and negative aspects of the sign, etc. I read it through on all the members of my family. I certainly saw traits in each person that were outlined, but I also saw fallacies in the descriptions. I also noticed that though 2 members of my family share a sign, they were not the same person.

This proved to me that the descriptions were general. Mostly, we latch onto the truths, the things that work for us, and quickly forget about the parts that don't, just as I was quick to refute the negative aspects of my own sign.

I am Taurus.

Taurean Woman
When you come across a Taurus female, the first thing you will notice about her is her undefeatable emotional strength. She is capable of handling the severest of problems, without shedding even a single tear. She has the infamous Taurus temper, but it is seldom displayed. Atleast not until the provocation is too much to digest. She is as feminine as any other female, without the unnecessary tantrums. A Taurus woman has no desire of dominating her husband. She will let him handle the reins, infact this is what she secretly desires. She is independent and has a mind of her own, but she does not want to dominate in the relationship. Taurean women do not see social status while making their friends. They want to be friends with people who do not hide their true nature and come across as they really are.

Their friends may be a little weird, but they will not be phonies or hypocrites. In return, she will expect them to stand by her when she needs them. A Taurean woman also gets jealous, but only if you exceed the limits of casual flirtation. Everything has a limit and this also does. It's better not to provoke her anger or you will be very sorry. (I usually never let things get this far.)

She is brainy, but not too much interested in intellectual subjects. She is practical in her thinking and does not feel the need to indulge in mental gymnastics. She is balanced in her approach and you will hardly see her in a restless disposition.

A Taurean girl hates anything artificial, be the flowers in her vase or the friends in her life. She has to feel the fragrance of real roses and the presence of real people. The beauty of Mother Nature especially pleases her. She loves to be amidst colorful surroundings, like gardens blooming with flowers. (This is why I'm in charge of the landscaping and why I love gazebos.) She is also very much interested in the art forms, like painting. She is a tomboy at heart and will enjoy many guy-things like horse riding, going on a roller coaster ride, fishing, etc.

Taurus women make excellent mothers, except for the fact that they cannot tolerate disobedience or defiance in kids. Laziness and carelessness also makes them angry. Otherwise, they will be more of a friend to their children than the typical mommies. (I desire to be the neighborhood mom, but that disobedience thing gets me every time.) A Taurus woman will also teach the kids how to be strong and will protect them from the big bad outside world. She never shirks from or whines about her responsibilities. Her man will be expected to do the same.

Here's where it begins to fall apart...

A Taurean female has good taste, so please be very careful before taking her out.
(I do? have you SEEN my wardrobe?? I guess no money has something to do with that. And when I was dating, the tomboy, practical side of me would not care what restaurant we went to.)

She is a very good cook herself and you will always be treated to excellent homemade food.
(I don't cook much. I can cook, but I'd rather not because I am a klutz. I drop things, spill things, go about things the long way. I can learn, but if there is someone else to do it for me, then I'll let them! Hubby says I make the best mashed potatoes. He is right. Also, I hate doing the dishes.)

She is a very good host and will be there to help her man in any and every way she can.
(I am not a good hostess..I need to be taught.)

A Taurean woman will care for you when you are ill, will back you in your new business venture and let you take over the control of the home. And, you will always be treated to a warm, cozy home when you come back from office!

(I do help my hubby and care for him and the kids when they are sick. But the warm cozy home, well, only if I remove myself from the computer to do it! *sheepish* I desire a warm cozy home, though. The visual organization nails me to the wall..)

Another one:
..is blessed with a charming and fascinating personality. Due to her magnetic personality, she becomes center of attraction in any party or event. Taurean woman typically has a rounded body with a thick neck and a broad forehead. She has a beautiful complexion, bright eyes, dark hair, broad shoulders and well-developed muscles. She has a nice, friendly way of communication. Taurean women are very careful about their appearance and need to have a strict diet to attain slimness. They are very careful about their appearance, be it hairstyle, beauty treatments or wearing attractive clothes.
(Again with the appearance! I guess I pay attention to it, but can't do anything about it.)

Negative Traits

Taurean women are too possessive about their belongings. They are too lazy and have a tendency to live life the easy way. They are somewhat stubborn and lose some good opportunities due to this nature. Being fond of food, they have a tendency to gain weight.

(Yep.)

Here's where it falls short..

A career that requires social interaction is most suitable for the Taurean women. Since Taurean women lack in originality, they are not able to initiate great plans. They can follow the ideas of others. Due to great organization skills, Taurean women can effectively work in the world of politics and finance. They can be excellent artists, photographers and gardeners.

(Social interaction, yes, a must, but politics? no way. finance? not really. organized?? if controlled chaos is organized.. and artists, photographers, gardeners, yeah I can go for that, but those aren't really money makers are they? Guess I'm doomed to write.)

And yet another:

will complete tasks which others find boring or too difficult, amongst other aspects making her very sensible and reliable.
highly sentimental and emotional over loved ones, possessions and even routines. As might be surmised from all this, she really doesn’t like change, and can be very hard to persuade!
She dislikes and avoids risk, and tends to be gentle and tolerant of others, with a strong sense of honor and integrity. Practical and stable, she has an above average level of common sense.
Sensible with money, it’s likely she’s astutely tuned to financial matters and material gain, and may come across as frugal. In her defense, this isn’t due to greed, but because money equals security and stability in today’s world. It’s the ‘security and stability safety net’ which she values, and not wealth for its own sake. If she already has that security net in place then you’ll find she’s more than happy to share it with loved ones, even to the point of being overly generous.
likes gardening, which aligns to many of her core values - growing, nurturing, patience, practicality etc.

Her relative shyness in the bedroom also makes it that much more fun to try and corrupt her a little!

An here's the kicker, an explanation provided by this website for why we don't all fit the mold:

"There are many other planets which can have an equal or greater effect on their personality. Makes sense, as ultimately everyone is of course unique."

This one doesn't go into enough depth to have anything specific to nitpick, since they cover their claims with the statement above.

So, does it match? Yeah, but are there others that match as well? Sure. I had this discussion with Eloquent Mess, whereupon he was to guess my sign. He didn't get it right off. Then again, he is no expert.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

If I Came with an Operator's Manual..

2011-01-06T08:20:00.004-05:00

Day 6: 30 Interesting Facts About Me

1. I just became an Aunt for the 5th time today! (what? it's a fact, and it's interesting!)

2. I am right handed.

3. My favorite animal is a dolphin.

4. My favorite movie is probably Casper, just because the scene at the end was so romantic and I watched it at an impressionable age. It makes me sigh.

5. My favorite color is blue. My eyes are blue.

6. I love Victorian houses. I love the gingerbread woodwork, the gables, the porches, the round gazebo turret-type room or porch area. Not so fond of the busy wallpaper.

7. I am a licensed special ed teacher until later this year when it will expire and I will have to renew. My elementary ed license is expired and I can't renew without 6 hours of college credit. I substitute, and you all know how kids treat substitutes!

8. I sometimes eat the leftovers on my kid's plate. I will share food with them. Waste not!

9. I was born with a heart murmur. I grew out of it by age 12.

10. I am very short. 4th graders and 5th graders enjoy telling me they are as tall as me or taller. I'm 5 feet tall with my shoes on. Most people who talk to me online are surprised to learn that I am short. I just have a LARGE personality!

11. I love paper. Keep me away from the school supply section in August! As a writer, I want to fill those notebooks up! I love the smooth edges of a stack of sheets. I love the white spaces between the blue lines. I like to use different notebooks for different stories, ideas, or topics.

12. I am a visual organizer. I like stuff where I can see it. I like things in separate containers, don't mix my stuff! It's okay to put it behind a closed door, but don't mess up my organization!

13. I've been to 4 concerts in my life.

One was a mass concert event, where a bunch of bands show up in one place for days of music. I got autographs from a one-hit-wonder band I liked. I made my friend Michelle stand in live with me for like 45 minutes to get them. She didn't like them at all. Now that's friendship!
One was at King's Island in Cincinnatti, but all I remember were the rides. I went on my first rollercoaster ever! Then followed that up with 3 more.
Then a church in town contacted an artist as she was touring and since she was passing through, she stopped at this church and my youth group went to hear her. She autographed my cassette tape. Yeah, I said cassette.
And lastly, an up-and-coming artist stopped at my church, and we hosted another youth group for a small concert there.

14. I dream of going to a Ficly Convention one day and meeting the fabulous members of this writing community. Maybe one day I'll help organize it!

15. I never went on a family vacation as a kid. We had many trips to grandma's, you know, over the river and through the woods, in the car for 2-4 hours depending on which grandma's house was our destination.

16. I've never seen the ocean, so going on a family vacation to see the ocean is on my bucket list. Ideally, a cruise.

17. I drive a tiny, red, Geo Metro from '92, before Chevy bought Geo, and it gets a good 40 miles to the gallon. Not even a luxury hybrid can pull that off. So laugh all you want about my old vehicle that needs repairs, but I spend less on gas, plates, and insurance!

18. I took 4 years of spanish in high school and was nearly fluent, okay maybe not nearly, but I don't feel confident enough to try any!

19. I married my prom date. 3 years later.

20. I'm quiet at first, but once I warm up, I don't shut up. Talking to someone will keep me up all night.

21. If I have to, I'll lead. I prefer to shine in the background until I feel comfortable, but if I have to step up because no one else will, then I'll take the bull by the horns.

22. Sometimes I check into things in a frenzy of good intentions, (like jobs or college) and then decide it's not going to work out and back out, often offending those who were involved. I never know when to apologize.

23. I'm terrible at thank yous. Like if something is minute and it just seems polite, like someone pickign up an item, I will. If something is huge, like a gift of a large sum of money, I will. But if someone chooses to give me something because I asked, or because they felt obliged to bestow a kindness on me, I forget. I am humbled, and I smile a lot, and I cherish the gift, but I forget to say thanks.

24. I'm a gift giver. If I could, I'd give people gifts from the kindness of my heart and not expect thanks at all. That's probably why I'd forget to give it. I don't expect it, and if the tables are turned and the person giving a gift to me expects thanks, they get disappointed. But I'm working on it.

25. I am making a conscious effort to eat healthier this year. I have been working toward this goal for a while, because it is mostly mental. I don't crave that food. I don't need that food. My body needs x, y, and z, not a, b, and c.

26. I think I am allergic to tree pollen. Never been tested. My allergies coincide with the flowering of certain trees. I could be wrong.

27. I play too many facebook games. I admit it. But I have limited myself to playing only in the evenings when my brain is mush anyway, so I'm not losing precious gray matter. It also ensures I pay attention to my family.

28. I resolve to stay off the internet as much as possible before 3 o'clock so as not to go into withdrawal when I get a real job. YOU HEAR ME?! WHEN! (oh that was to my inner critic who wants to be lazy)

29. I hate doing the dishes. We even have a dishwasher! I still hate it.

30. You will be my friend forever for a good back massage!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

A Non-Answer is Still An Answer

2011-01-05T17:53:00.003-05:00

Day 5: A Time You Thought About Ending Your Own Life

I haven't.

I mean there are times when I am so congested and sick that I sarcastically ask hubby to shoot me.. but that's not real thoughts of suicide.

And when I was a boyfriend-less teen I would wonder who would come to my funeral, (a.k.a. who were my real friends?) and wish for someone earthly to know me (a soul mate) and pull me out from despair over my lacking love life. But that doesn't count.

So um, never.

I guess I just knew that death wasn't an answer. And no matter how crappy life gets, I still don't wish to end it.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

The Futility of Man vs A Doctrine of Love: A Memoire

2011-01-04T15:51:00.008-05:00

Day 4: Your views on religion

Oh what a giant can of worms this topic opens! Now what angle to come at this from?

I started going to a little christian church when I was in 2nd grade. We had moved to our family farm, having cleared acreage and bought a single-wide trailer to live in while we built our house. Going to church was a symbol of our settling into this new farm community. My mother went to church as a child and wanted her children to be raised similarly.

This particular chapel wasn't for us when they began to split, some following the pastor who left to shepherd others. I was too young to understand why he left, but I did understand snobs and I felt some of the people there thought they knew better than others. I was upset about leaving. That was the church where I learned about Jesus and where I gave my heart to him.

The new church was friendly and I soon wanted to go to Sunday school with my peers. I had the most wonderful high school sunday school teacher and my sophomore year brought me to youth group with a new leader who was also fantastic. I did a study on Revelation, underlined and highlighted my Bible, and switched to Christian music, which I still commit to to this day.

My personal experiences shaped me into who I am today and religion plays a huge role in my makeup. Especially the teachings of Jesus who preaches and leads by an example of love.

Is religion tearing the world apart? Yep. There's been spiritual warfare since the fall of an angel, and human warfare since one tribe saw another from a distance. Make that, since one brother became jealous of the other.

Who is right? Only God knows. If you don't believe in Him, then no one knows.

Do you have to pick a side? Even agnosticism is a side.

Can't we all just get along? We are all sinful, with pride and jealousy, so um, as humans, no, we can't.

Can we try? Yep, but it requires daily discipline to keep our minds and bodies in check. Even best friends fight sometimes. Feelings get hurt, even between lovers. And if lovers can spat, then think about whole countries trying to get along with each other!

So is it futile to love? No, love is the only way to overcome our sinful natures, always wanting to pick fights. Love is the only way we ever get any happiness. Kindness comes from love. Kindness, even its most basic form, tolerance, or self-restraint even, cannot come from hate. If we lack even that, we will kill ourselves.

So my view of religion is basically to love. Were it not for my church, my parents, and my own study, I'd be loveless.

Someone who says it better: Alexys Fairfield (link to a post)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. anyway, because it was all I knew. Self-restraint comes from self-love.

Not Even An Issue

2011-01-03T07:13:00.003-05:00

Day 3: My views on Drugs and Alcohol

Too easy: They are BAD!

Just watch some documentaries if you don't believe me. Read the paper. Drunken drivers die, or cause deaths. Drug babies fill our education system with special needs that could have been prevented, and continuing users put their children at risk for abuse and neglect, often sending them to foster care.

What about social drinking or mild overuse of prescription meds?

If you've been raised to drink sociably and responsibly, stopping when you're buzzed, then don't drive home. Have a nice time! Have a glass of wine with dinner. It's supposed to be good for your heart. But if you can't tell when to stop, or desire to drink more, then you are abusing the privilege.

And if you overuse your meds, you still get fired from your job.

There is not a gray area for me. I don't know why this is even question. It's not an issue for debate or discussion. Drugs and alcohol are bad, period.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

The Distant Future

2011-01-02T09:16:00.005-05:00

Day 2: Where You'd Like to Be in 10 Years

This is hard for me.

Where I'd like to be?

Well, I could either go all outrageous or all realistic.

In 10 years, my oldest will be turning 18, we'll be planning his graduation party and his college acceptance letters will be coming in. The youngest will be 13 and a half and contemplating a future without his big brother around so much. They will probably have moved into separate bedrooms.

I hope to have most of the yard landscaped and the improvement projects done. We'll still be paying on the house.

I hope to have a book out there, maybe several.
At the very least, I hope to have a job that contributes to a retirement fund.

I hope we've been on some family vacations.

I hope to be comfortable with my weight and activity level.

I hope to be able to look back on my 30s and say I lived them as best I could. I guess that means checking a few items off my bucket list. If we get to do family vacations, that's easy enough.

Most of all, the next 10 years will be full of parenting and fighting the battles that go with child rearing; spiritual, emotional, and tactical.

Outrageously, I will have won multimillion dollars in the lottery, constructed a green-er, self-efficient mansion in the woods with a lake and a barn and a small cabin for camping like the boxcar children and have plans for a pirate-themed waterpark. After we get back from a couple years of cruises, and RV trips across the country, of course. :) I also will have planned a Ficly Convention.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Happy New Year, My Love!

2011-01-01T12:25:00.004-05:00

Day 1: Your Current Relationship

When you think about living a new year to its fullest and cherishing moments and people because they are most important to you, you think first and foremost about your closest circle of friends and family. No one is closer than your spouse.

I am so fortunate to have someone who has been with me for almost 12 years, almost 9 years married, who still thinks I am beautiful, still puts me and our relationship first, still wants to take me out on dates, and still misses me enough to text me 3 times a day from work.

There are times during the day when something happens, maybe a cute kid saying, maybe an ironic commercial, maybe a stupid driver on the road caused a freak accident, and I just want to tell him right away. He's still my best friend.

I recently became so enraged at the kids, I was yelling and nagging and raving and making them cry, and he just grabbed me by the shoulder and shoved me out of their room. I needed that. It was not positive parenting. It was not helping anyone, except me a little to get the frustration out, but I could have done it in a healthier way. I had to go back and tell my kids that I loved them so they wouldn't have bad dreams. My husband knows my limits, and he stepped in to keep me from doing more damage. I am far from perfect.

He cooks dinner (and often breakfast and lunch), reaches for the stuff on the high shelf, fixes my car, shares my thought patterns, changes diapers (though we'd better not have to do that much longer!), washes dishes, and earns the money. Despite the ranting I sometimes do about the heinous things like leaving milk and cereal in the bowl in the sink, he's a great man. He gives massages, pops my back, and keeps me warm at night. He makes me laugh almost every day. Those are the 4 things I love most!

What makes a marriage work is good communication, compromise, and equality.

Share your feelings,
Use separate bathrooms at times,
Help each other,
Do things for one another and together,
and Keep the spark alive, if you get my drift.

Thank each other, hug each other, kiss, find moments alone, and keep your promises.

One of the best things to do is share your dreams: your goals, your reasons to save money, to motivate you to sit at the computer instead of mopping the floor (okay that's me), and your bucket list.

This is followed by showing you love them, saying you love them, and explaining why, right at this moment you can't do what he asks because you have a naked toddler to chase down, a spill to clean up, and muffins in the oven ready to come out.

I asked him what he wants to see me change in the new year and his response was exactly as I expected: "This is one of those Does-this-make-my-butt-look-fat questions that starts fights. You are perfect as you are." And when I explained that I hadn't meant it that way, he said the other half of how I expected him to, "You have the same goals as last year, you just need to implement them this year." Yes. And I asked if that was sad, because it is sad to me, and he said, "No. You just need to focus on a plan." He's right, and I have been thinking these exact same things.

Happy New Year, My Love, and a toast to making plans!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

New Year's Eve

2010-12-31T13:13:00.004-05:00

This is it, New Year's Eve, the time of self-reflection and promises to do better.

And I'm sick.

I'm really too sick to care right now.

Tomorrow I'm going to start 30 days of blogging, perhaps, we'll see. I'll try to do most of the list, anyway. Found it linked on my friend's tumblr and stole it. I'm going to share!

There are a few I may change, as this is one of many 30 day challenges and there are no real rules. So ha!

Or maybe I'll do this one:

day 1 - your favorite picture of yourself and one interesting fact for every year you’ve been alive

day 2 - your thoughts on death

day 3 - your thoughts on religon

day 4 - your most significant childhood memory

day 5 - discuss your feelings on the word “love” and the way it’s used in today

day 6 - your all time favorite movie

day 7- talk about your idol and how they influence you

day 8 - ten things you’d like to say to ten different people, without using names

day 9 - your favorite blog

day 10 - a picture of your favorite relitave

day 11 - your biggest fear

day 12 - a picture of the place where you were born

day 13 - discuss your first kiss

day 14 - your thoughts on drugs and alcohol

day 15 - your celebrity crush

day 16 - ten things that make you smile and a picture of yourself smiling

day 17 - discuss your greatest fear and your greatest dream

day 18 - a picture of your best friend

day 19 - a picture of yourself and someone you don’t actually like

day 20 - talk about where you go/went to high school

day 21 - a picture of your first boyfriend/girlfriend

day 22 - a time you felt like ending your own life

day 23 - your biggest regret

day 24 - a picture of you when you were younger

day 25 - a picture of your all time favorite band.

you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna teach my son how to do an art project because all I feel like doing is coloring one of those intricate patterns like you see on 70s floor tile. yeah.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

This Year I Was A Giver

2010-12-28T21:29:00.003-05:00

When I broke down this fall and beat my head against the wall and ranted about my feelings to a friend of mine via AIM chat, he told me something that was as obvious, and yet as revelatory as when I interpret the dreams of another chat buddy. He said, "You mother everyone else so much, you forget to take time to do something for yourself."

I do take time each day to do some little thing for myself, like after the kids and hubby go to bed, I sit up and watch hulu or play facebook games to unwind. I listen to my favorite songs while I fold laundry. I write out plans. because I know this simple truth.

But that's not what I needed. I needed a vacation from myself. I needed to break the routine.

The fact is, I'm a giver. If I had the money to give tangible gifts, I would, but as it is, I don't. I give of myself and my time instead. As much as I can.

Here's my Christmas example:
An anonymous person gave me a hundred dollars before Christmas and I used some of it to buy ink for my printer to print off a gift of a letter and copies of my published work for my grandma, who at 92 and living alone in a facility, really appreciated it.
I also bought my mother and hubby's step-mom fuzzy socks, my son's diapers, and a t-shirt and a pair of black dress pants on clearance at WalMart. The rest is still saved up for the next need.

My sister and her husband said "We don't want anything, we aren't buying anyone anything." That's the boat I thought I was going to be in this year myself! I gave her pictures, a christmas card, a pewter visor clip thing of an angel I had, because one time she said she liked that kind of thing. Then I learned she needs shoes and you better believe I desire to help her acquire them!

Hubby and I did not exchange gifts this year between each other, just like last year. We know that when we want something, we will eventually fill that need. We get things all year for ourselves from yard sales, tax season, and auctions. We also cherish just being together.

The biggest thing was to make Christmas great for the boys. At Thanksgiving, we weren't sure how it was going to work out, but it did.

In reflection, I spent half of the year's Sundays volunteering my time in either the nursery or the preschool age children's rooms during church. I enrolled my oldest in soccer to let him try new things. I gave a home to one of the puppies who would have gone homeless. I counseled a friend, encouraging her to get out of an abusive situation and stay in school. I worked on myself to learn to love and not to judge.

I think I have found the right path, the right motivation, and the right direction for me for the New Year. I have found my passion, and within my passion, there is a career. One that will be fruitful, one that will not cause me anguish, and one that will let me give.

I am a giver.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

After Christmas Decompression

2010-12-27T16:33:00.002-05:00

The wrapping paper is in a garbage bag, the gifts have found their new homes, and the bustle of shoppers has calmed to a worn out shuffle.
The fire is lit, the slippers are on, and the snow is falling outside that will plague us for the next three months.
This is the week for preparing for the new year. I'm going to be doing a lot of planning.
Already, I have lists.
Lists of ways to spend the gift cards.
Lists of chores that need to be done this week.
Lists of pending resolutions.

And a list for 30 days of blogging I want to do!

I cleaned my desk, putting journals at my fingertips that I, as a serious writer, need.

I was excited to give gifts this year. Especially the cheap ones that took thought, rather than money.

I gave my grandmother a letter, with pictures, about what my family did this past year. I included copies of my books and photocopies of my winning pieces published in magazines. She said to me, "I didn't know you were gifted in this. If you keep at it, you may be able to make something out of it."

Two things happened.

1) I felt an overwhelming desire to send her updates throughout the year, with goodies, because I can't visit her often and she really appreciated the gifts.
2) I feel a little more convicted that this gift is my true calling. Something about sharing this with my Grandma makes it more real. I am ready to re-prioritize my life and its goals. Or finish what I've started this year. This most likely won't involve a Master's in English, but it also won't involve a Master's in mental health or education either. As much as I enjoy teaching, it is second to writing.

My bookmarks on my computer are about writing.. my post-its decorating my desk are about writing.. multiple composition books are designated to different styles of writing, and spiral bound books to individual stories. I think at a casual glance, a visitor from space would say, 'she's a writer, that's what she loves, that's what her passion is.'

So why did I struggle so much this fall with myself? Because I was a starving artist and starving artists are desperate people. I wanted to get the ball rolling. I wanted results, now! I wanted food! I wanted to feel like I was providing for my family!

I caved, and settled in for a snowy post-nano edit and critique session. The best thing is, I have hubby's support.

Oh and he's part of my resolutions, too!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

December is about the Children

2010-12-14T08:35:00.003-05:00

I'm taking this month to really focus on my kids.

November was more about me and my writing and extended family, what with Thanksgiving family feasting in there. I was also working on a wild idea to go back to college and had a heated discussion with hubby. I was rather self-focused.

But I don't want to focus on me right now. If I was supposed to have a job, I'd have one. One of the millions of applications would have been fruitful.

I am left thinking that my role is supposed to be Mom. Why didn't this dawn on me sooner?? It's the ONE thing I excel at! Ask my internet chat buddies, they will tell you. :)

My focus therefore, should be on my kids. Not just because it is a holiday season and we all want our kids to have the best Christmas, etc. EVER!! No, but because they are an investment for the future, just like your house, or your education.

The way they act in public is a reflection on you. It's a warped mirror, I know, "I swear I didn't teach them to fight in the cart! I promise they don't crawl under the table at home!"

My son learned two lessons yesterday.

First, he came in from school and YELLED at me. "Why is the door locked?! You know I always have to pee really bad!!" Granted, a full and painful bladder is enough to make me yell, too, but that behavior toward his mother was uncalled for.

I yelled back, "I lock the door to keep strangers out and your brother IN! I got up as quickly as I could when I heard you! Don't you yell at me! Now go pee!" I made the angry face and went nose to nose with him. He ran to pee and then started to cry. I called him over and held him.

"Why are you crying?" I wanted to hear him admit his feelings.
"I am sad."
"Why?"
"You yelled at m-me."
"Do you like being yelled at?"
"N-No."
"Neither do I."
"I'm sor-r-ry!"
"I'm sorry too."

I know I used a few more words than that, but he learned a little bit about who is the boss around here. Mom. Yelling is not polite.

Then later I hear a painful cry from the little one. It doesn't stop after 5 seconds. I have to go investigate. Previous to the howl were the sounds of arguing. This raises a red flag. There are complaints about a video game. The easiest way to deal with this is to shut off the game. I take the howling banshee to his bed. He then tells me his brother hit him on the head. Oh! So now we have to dig deeper.

Brother is brought in for interrogation. He admits to hitting Little bro on the head. Little bro gets picked up from his bed by daddy so I can deal with Big bro. Lesson number 2 of the day results in tears and banishment to his bed. 'Your Brother Is Littler Than You And Will Not Play The Video Game With 100% Accuracy. Do Not Hit Him, You Might Damage His Brain.' The thought that he might have seriously injured his brother cut him to the quick. He bawled.

This is one day after the Big Collision whence the two boys received matching cuts on their heads. Little Bro cut his right eyebrow and it swelled up, Big bro cut the left side of his forehead. They bashed heads with Little bro's glasses between them and have matching arc shaped cuts from the frame. In the tub later, Big bro hit the little one's eyebrow again, making it worse and causing Little bro to scream bloody murder.

Two days of head injuries for Little bro were enough for Mama Bear to go ballistic on Big bro, but I didn't. He was stressed enough with the head injury speech. I let him stew in bed in his own tears. It was only an hour before bedtime. He came sneaking out, eyes dry, about 20 minutes later. "How long are you gonna make me stay in there?"

Sigh.

So my goal now is to remember to set parameters for discipline. Even if it's 'Stay there until I come back!'
And don't think daddy didn't also give him a lecture. After placating Little bro and inspecting for damage, he also gave Big bro a talk. I know I always hated it when I had to hear the lesson twice! I hope it sinks in!

In addition to the discipline, I am also taking time to sit with my kids when they watch a movie, rather than slip off and do other things. I have an advent calendar from church for kids that we are putting a sticker on every day. We talk briefly about the little lesson for the day. Today is 'Be thankful for the clothes you have.'

And on that thought, I have laundry to fold. :)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.