Sunday, April 22, 2018

Trust Takes These Three Things

I've always thought that I would write a book about Love. I have notes and research on Love and even made a little powerpoint to share some of my ideas and my perspective on Love.

The problem is, Love is a HUGE topic. There are many facets to it and I have never found my niche in the topic.

Until today.

It's not really Love that I'm an expert in. Who is. really?? It's Trust.

Trust is a key element in relationships and one that I take very seriously. Can you Love someone deeply, wholly, and fully if you can't Trust them? No.

Trust is hard-won and not easily given out. I know I guard my Trust with impenetrable walls. I don't let people even prove their trustworthiness to me without several tests. It might make me a doubter to not Trust others right away, but you learn to protect yourself and to see red flags that indicate a person might not be honest.

When your Trust is broken, you are hurt. You suffer. You learn to guard it more closely and not give out your heart so easily.

But you have to give it out again. It might take a while to make this decision after you've been hurt. The healing process should take at least as long as the build up of the relationship to the hurtful moment. So if you knew someone for 3 years and then they turned on you, it might take 3 years for you to forgive them, forget some of their tresspasses, and begin to Trust someone else.

So what does it take to Trust?

It takes three things.

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1. Reliability - Keeping Promises. A person must prove that they do exactly what they say they are going to do. This can be a simple as calling you when they say they are going to call you. If they say, "Hey, I'm gonna call you right back," and they never do or have some excuse that's lame for not doing so, they haven't passed the first test of Trust.

This is the easiest series of tests. You can entrust them with more and more promises and if they keep them, they are well on their way to breaking through to your inner walls.

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2. Acceptance - For who you are. Trust is earned when a person truly accepts you for who you are, no matter what was in your past. They don't gossip about your past, brag that they 'fixed' you, nor act like they are better than you. If they act like they 'saved' you. they are still seeing the past you and they have the potential to pull that wildcard out and accuse you of reverting to said behavior so they can 'save' you again. Instead, they encourage you, listen to you, and believe that you can be awesome. They won't try to beat you at everything in life and accept your successes.

This is harder to prove and takes more time with the person. If you are in Love with them at this point, you might not see that they think they are your savior and will be blindsided later by their competition and wanting to be better than you. If they don't exhibit trait number three, that is.

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3. Honesty - Not saying what others want to hear. You're probably hanging out a lot with this person and you might witness their interactions with other friends. Do they talk bad about them behind their backs? Do they tell the others what they think they want to hear? Don't fool yourself into thinking that they would not do the same behind your back. They would.

Honesty is an inherent trait in those that are trustworthy and is present at the Reliability stage. You will witness it in their explanations for being late or asking for forgiveness for breaking a promise. You will see it in their Acceptance, as they tell you what they really think about people like you, how they struggle with concepts and are learning, or how they deal with situations. If you are seeking a relationship with a person and they go behind others' backs with their words, hiding their true feelings, then they can easily hide their feelings from you.

These three things I value most in a friend. I will Love you with all my being and forever if I can Trust you. I am honest in keeping my promises and will not promise things I cannot do. If you ask and I think I cannot do it, I will let you know my anxieties. If I'm telling you my anxieties, I expect you to share yours at some point in return.

I can Accept you where you are right now and encourage you to be a better you. If I struggle with the lifestyle you led before, I will talk with you about it to gain clarity. I expect honesty and clarity in return. I expect answers to my questions, or if it is too painful for you, honestly tell me that you wish not to tell me right now.

Trust is a huge part of Love. If you want to get into my inner circle, closest to my heart, you have to pass these tests of Trust. I hold the closest walls shut tight for fear of really hurting in betrayal. Sometimes I feel like no one really 'knows' me because of this, but actually, people do. They can see over that wall and into my true being if they get that close. They figure me out like the final puzzle to win the key to my heart. That's when I know it is safe to give it.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Self-Reflection and a Call to Action

I'm in a place to do some self-reflecting today. I've needed a 'mental health' day for a while now. I put those off and I really shouldn't. Sometimes I get a little bit of self-reflection at church, but that is not nearly enough.

Looking back over this blog, I see that I talk about 'balance', 'well-being', 'mental health', and 'love', 'happiness', 'marriage', or 'friendship' most often. I think that is my niche. Besides writing, of course.
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I am highly introspective. Not everyone is. In fact, if you know you are feeling or acting crazy, you most likely can figure a way out of it, whether that crazy is manic or depressive.

So, if you aren't introspective, you probably need advice. I love to bounce ideas off of people, I just never considered myself an expert of any kind, nor do I profess to have all the answers. I feel my posts are pretty lame. Who am I to give out tips?

While I hold no degrees nor certifications, I do have a wealth of knowledge that may be of service to others. Is there anything you've read about in my posts that you want to know more about?

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If you want to Create a Clear Vision for Tackling Your Weakest Areas of Well-Being, email me.
elshahawk1@gmail. Together we can Uncover the Inner Thoughts that Sabotage Your Happiness. Leave Renewed, Reenergized, and Inspired to Finally have the Confidence to Be the Best YOU!

Find Balance in your Life! Have a Wealth of Well-Being! Together we can hold each other up.

Invest in Yourself.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

10 Signs of Relationship Abuse


I felt compelled to help those who may be experiencing abusive relationships. There is help. There is a way out. Find someone to talk to and a safe place to go. Call the hotline if you are in the United States, and learn what hotlines or resources there are in your country. Don't stay in an abusive relationship.




http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/