Monday, February 15, 2016

Post Valentine's Day Post: Relationships, Frequency of Contact

In keeping with the theme of finding out what people need and being generous,  you can't expect to be told up front by a new acquaintance, or even a new friend, that they are needing something. It may take time to build that kind of trust where they will open up.

No matter what kind of relationship you have: familial, friendship, marriage, acquaintance, spiritual, to maintain that relationship takes frequent contact. Let's talk about these relationships.

I know some of you may not have a family member to call, or would rather not contact either of your parents. Childhood can be rocky. I get it. Maybe there is a sister or favorite Aunt or long lost cousin you can contact. In order to maintain that connection with them, you have to talk to them some way sometimes. It's easy to use facebook, text messaging, Skype, or an old fashioned phone call to simply say 'Hey, I'm thinking about you. Maybe we should get coffee." You can skip the coffee if that is too much commitment for family.

Perhaps you have a lot of friends. I used to mingle among several circles of friends in high school. The groups didn't co-mingle because someone in one group hated someone in another, but I was fine with all of them and they were fine with me. I loved being able to chat with all of them. Little did I realize that this kind of relationship was not one that ended with a best friend who would follow me into adulthood and be there forever.

So I married my best friend. I think this is the best advice I can give anyone. It's not that you cannot live without them, it's that you want to share everything with them because they are your best friend first. Be friends so that you can stay together even if you are mad at each other. Not every relationship is perfect. There are rocky times where you don't see eye-to-eye. If you can love them but not like them right now and weather the storm together, then you can last together forever. Well, until death do you part.

That business connection you just made, and the card in your wallet mingling with all the other cards? If you want to connect with them later on, you have to make a contact soon in order for them to remember you. Same goes for a new facebook friend. Sure you just met due to new life circumstances, and they can see your posts and stalk your wall, but if you want to build anything on that, you have to send quick chats every once in a while.

I don't talk about religion very much, but I do go to church. I believe that if I want a deeper relationship with my God, I have to commune with Him. No matter what God, god, goddess, or spiritual being you believe in, in order to maintain a relationship with them, you have to reach out and seek them. This is also good practice for small talk with real people. If you are one of those reluctant to chit chat, or like to practice in the mirror, and you are spiritual, do some small talk with your religious figurehead. It also helps you sort out things in your own head. Sometimes the answers come when you pause and think things through.

It's not like Valentine's Day, that comes once a year. Relationships need frequent contact to stay. Sure, it's possible to reconnect to a good friend whom you haven't seen in years and it would be like it was in old times, but sometimes people change and in the meantime, you need to make new friendships to keep you going.

Frequent contact is the way to do that. It makes you vulnerable, having to open up and share some things with others, but your time with them in invaluable. It might just be the 'generous' thing that they needed most!

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