My Baby Turns 10

My youngest turned 10 years old this weekend. Now, 10 year old boys are still crude in their behavior and language and they don't quite 'get' the world around them. They see the top layers and nothing underneath. They should have a decent grasp on manners, but they forget in their rush to enjoy life how to use them. They laugh at jokes you didn't think they understood, and soon you realize that they don't completely. They still need hugs and reassurance because they still have fears, but they want more independence and a later bed time.

When I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday, he couldn't decide. The available options for parties in this town were all done before he was 9; bowling, bouncing, laser tag, roller skating (not cool since 1st grade), and Bogey's fun center which isn't fully open due to cooler temperatures.

My husband suggested a movie. 2 hours of 10-year-old boys seated and mostly quiet?? Yes! So we met at the movie theater and paid for the earliest (and cheapest) show tickets. It cost a lot less than a party at one of those overused establishments.

But you can't have birthday cake at the theater. So we took the boys over to the Mall food court and enjoyed the cupcakes there.  (Generic food court picture.)

The boys asserted their independence by wandering into 2 stores on their own a few yards from our table. I think the store clerks had little heart attacks, but when I and another Mom showed up, they calmed down. Plus, in true 10 year-old fashion, they bought candy. It was more about buying candy with your friends in the Mall than learning a lesson about spending your birthday money unwisely on a 4 dollar bag of gummy bears. (One smaller than the one pictured.) That's a lesson for another day!

A 13th Birthday Party Success: Seeing Your Teenager Make Good Choices

My son turned 13 this past week. 13!! I've never looked at the passage of time so intently as this week. He's on facebook now, he's jaded by media, and he has developed a sense of self-worth based on the supposed quality of material goods flouted by the media and his friends. The mall's shoes and clothes are better than Wal-Mart. He takes pride in 'proving' to me the benefits of buying 'better quality' shoes.

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He's also learning the social nuances in life. He's learning to host his friends and deal with his brother as well as respect his parents. This is a time to look at current events, wars, politics, racism, actions of a few, and hot topics in media and let him know our opinions and listen to his. This is a new stage for me, uncharted waters. Teenage waters.

I was working with a 3 year old this week who is an only child to parents who are older and cherish his every waking moment. Like all parents, they are giving him the best they can. He has developed a style of stalling, asserting his independence, and crying to get what he wants. He easily has his parents wrapped around his finger. They negotiate with him. ..He's 3!! Now is not the time for negotiating! The child did not like that I only gave him 2 choices. "Put your hat on your head or hang it up. It doesn't go on the floor." He tried to stall and whine, but he knew crying wasn't going to work when those didn't. He kept his hat on. After we played together and worked together on the lesson, he knew who was in charge. We came to an understanding. He knew I wasn't being 'mean' but I expected him to be nice to others.

I think the 3 year old and I did this once!

My youngest child is 8 1/2 now. I do not negotiate with him, I give him options. I tell him what he needs to do, how much time he has to do it, and if it is not done, he loses his privileges. When he needs guidance to complete a task, I give it. Sometimes I still need to supervise task like his teeth brushing so he doesn't brush only the outsides, or perhaps give a refresher on which toys go in which bins. His outbursts of frustration are a communication that he feels overwhelmed with a task. It's my job to see him through it. I might get frustrated, too, but I am the adult and I have to model how to handle frustration.

While I spent the formative years not negotiating with my children, at 13, it's time. It was time at 12 to start negotiating. That transition was rough. We had a few yelling matches as he felt I was being too hard on him while he was seeking accolades for achievement and I was looking for perfection in the task. He still has to do them, but with a longer leash to roam and accomplish them on his terms. He wanted more options, more time, and more freedom to make mistakes. This teaches him to manage his own time, a crucial skill for the new middle school student.

Asking your child to complete chores and assist with maintaining a clean house instills not only respect, but boundaries and a sense of duty.  If the jobs are not completed, natural consequences ensue, including no pay, dealing with stuck-on foods, stinky trash, or angry and disappointed parents. Giving your child an allowance, bargaining for internet time, maintaining that you expect homework finished and chores complete before doing fun stuff online keeps the ball in your court. Giving your child everything they want is passing the control to them.

For his birthday party, my 13 year old wanted to impress his friends. He took initiative with the chores, moving laundry, washing dishes and counters with a speed and diligence unknown in previous weeks. He even swept the floor until he complained about people soiling it! He shoveled the show off the walk for his guests and helped us clean the garage floor so it would smell nice inside the house with little complaint. (The dog had been housed in there when the temperature dropped below zero.)

Enter the guests.

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When your child respects you, they will project that air of respect to their guests who come over. While I gave my son and his friends free reign over the video games all night, they did not trash my house. I asked them to refrain from stomping about, shoot any more nerf weapons in the house, and to beware that the couch eats everything. I slept pretty well. They stayed up until 4AM and I do not have a large house. Had my son not had respect for his space, he would have told his friends it was okay to do things that I and his Father might disapprove of.

It was heart-warming to have him choose friends who are like him and who share similar values about entering the homes of others. I sat and enjoyed some videos with the boys and stayed out of their video game time. We chatted over pizza at the table. I listened to what they wanted to share with me and was 'cool Mom' for once in my son's life. That feels good.

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Recap of ApeyMAY - Ready for Summer!

It has been a crazy and very stressful Birthday Month, otherwise known as ApeyMAY. We did a lot of things I love to do.

We took a trip to the beautiful Nashville, IN for their Taste of Brown County celebration.

It was chilly, but walking around casually and looking at all the art and gifts, then trying all the food samples made for a good day. I liked getting there early, before the crowds, and having leisure time to explore.

I set up my pond, having to empty it and re-fill it once when the 7 year old knocked a tiki torch over, spilling torch fuel into the water.











I discovered the frog from last year had hopped its way back into the pond and definitely didn't want to kill it.
I also bought the water plant this year. It is really helping to keep the pond clean.

I have no idea what I am going to do with it over the winter.





Using pots to house the plants that wouldn't fit in the little flower bed, I created a little hummingbird garden. I'm hoping it attracts one or two. I did see a shadow of a hummingbird one evening in the front window, so I think it worked.








 For my birthday, I bought myself some entryway organization. This is the before picture of my entryway..

 This is the after. I like being able to hide the shoes, sit there if you need to, hang up backpacks or jackets, and I re-purposed two of those pictures as calendars for each boy for summer. The glass is a dry erase surface. :)

 I also bought myself a fire bowl. I have wanted a fire bowl for a long time.











I even got to build my first fire in it and enjoy it one bug-free evening. The dog was excited, too!

We took the boys to the first festival of the year to ride some rides. Here they got to enjoy their first Himalaya, which is one of my favorites.

I have been trying to keep up on my garden. It is harder to weed it this year, as more weeds have popped up in the established soil. Baby maple trees are the worst! We had a cold snap right after I planted, then it rained for 4 days, so some of the seeds did not germinate, and my peppers hated it. I had to replant. We shall see what kind of harvest I get.

I also planted this tulip tree in the perfect spot in my yard. The boys brought home 2 for Earth Day. One was accidentally mowed over by a careless 11 year old. This one, however is loving its new home!









The stressful part comes from work. I am so glad it is the end of the year! They say the third year is when you really find your stride. I'm hoping next year is smoother. This second one was full of learning experiences! I already have plans for next year; ideas of things to change and improve. Working in a class like mine, every year will be new, bring new challenges, and be completely different. I enjoy this. It also brings new stresses. These I have to learn to deal with. For now, I am ready for summer and a mental break for my mental health!

2013 Year In Review In Pictures

January

January must have been pretty boring because all I have pictured is my then 5 year old dressed up as a gangster with a Nerf gun. 

This is the month my oldest turned 10. He took so long to decide on his birthday party, as in 2 days before, so when we texted family, they were all busy. We told him he had a choice between having a party or getting to do whatever he wanted, like go with the family to a movie, or go play at Bogey's Fun Center or Bouncin' Barn or Bowling.. He didn't decide.

February

I emptied my computer hutch and moved it into the bedroom for some peace and quiet when I was doing homework for class.

We emptied the game cabinet out and moved it where my hutch was, sorted the games, got rid of a few, and re-filled it. We have a LOT of games!

March/April

Easter Egg Hunting! I had my nieces overnight and took all 4 kids to 2 Easter Egg hunts with family. It was windy and cold. We also hosted a nephew overnight. It was a month of family sleepovers.

Then we celebrated my youngest's birthday and my Dad's.

The youngest learned from his brother's mistake and had a bowling and bouncing party. All the kids had a blast, and my nephew won the big ticket prize at the arcade. 

May

We went the Indy Children's Science and Technology Museum where I got to see Geckos and the boys climbed a rock wall.

Then we visited Nashville, IN for their "Taste of Nashville" event where all the food vendors supply little samples of their wares and you buy tickets. Each sample costs so many tickets to try. Here the boys sample ice cream. They also had gellatto, panini's, steak soup, strawberry shortcake, oils/vinigrettes and bread, chocolate covered strawberries, fudge, and many many more. You can vote for your favorites and the vendor wins a plaque or something.

We built 2 raised bed gardens. 

June

The boys made stepping stones for my new pond.

There were 6 fish in here at one time..

 I harvested some radishes. They were a little hot. Some of them were good.

 I painted this picture. After my college class and work was over for the summer, my creative juices were flowing.

Hubby surprised us with a trip to our first indoor water park in Ohio. 

Our newly planted cherry tree had a cherry on it!

July

I started growing HUGE cucumbers.

The littlest learned to ride his bike without training wheels!

 We took a road trip north for my cousin's wedding and passed huge wind farms..

And visited a Railroad Museum.

 My cousin had a beautiful wedding.

I grew some beautiful gladiolas.

 We found the very fat raccoon that raided my compost bin every night!

 My youngest tried out a pogo stick.

 The boys enjoyed the pond. Probably because a frog decided to move in!!

We went to the fair.

I harvested some carrots.

August/September

 I harvested A LOT of veggies! And MORE veggies!

 We went fishing. This reel is being held by the 4th generation!

We caught some fishies.

We had a family reunion. This is supposedly the last one. All the people who started this reunion are getting too old to come out.

October

 I took my sister to a concert. Pictured here are Hawk Nelson, The Afters, and Building 429.

 The boys dressed up as Transformers for Halloween.

They carved their pumpkins with a little help.



November

 I painted this for class. I like the quote.

Then we started giving the oldest his own room. Both boys helped paint.

December

We made a Christmas mess. The boys got a few nice gifts.

We celebrated with family. The season is about togetherness. Cherish the moments you have!

And the biggest gift of all was his own room.



My goal for 2013 was to try new things. 

• I was a successful gardener. 
• The pond was something new and took some learning. I lost all the fish by the end of the year, but two of them grew rather large and I had a frog living in it! I call that pretty successful if wildlife moved in. 
• I tried a new food. 
• We went to new places, like the museums and water park, and the boys got to see their first wedding and spend their first nights in a hotel. 
• The youngest leaned to ride a bike without training wheels and use a pogo stick. 
• We took our annual trip to Holiday World and the youngest was tall enough to ride the big rides! We discovered the new water slide area and though we got sunburned, we had a blast. 
• We went to an indoor waterpark.
• I became a Godmother.
• I took my sister to a concert. We began to bond.
• The boys got juggling sticks for Christmas and we've tried them out.

I guess trying new things was a pretty feasible resolution. In hindsight, it was going to happen. The point was to learn to be open to new opportunities, look for them and go for it!