Overcome Your Fear and JUMP IN!

This little PowerPoint (you will have to click through) gives my three steps to overcoming my fears and taking life by the horns. 

Step One: You need to get curious about your fear. Analyze your thoughts, your location when they happen, who they happen around, and what your react is. Do you leave? Do your palms get sweaty and you become tongue tied? This is like analyzing a setting in your writing. Be descriptive and cover all the senses.

(I used to have a co-worker that I needed to confront. I idolized this person because they had more experience and I went to them for advice. However, I was higher in rank and felt manipulated into their ideas on how things should work. They would get really mad when I tried to do things differently, as was my prerogative as the superior.)

Step Two: If your best friend came up to you and said they were struggling with a fear, you would brainstorm with them, comfort them, and motivate them to try to face it, right? Why don’t you do that for your own fears? Replace your negative thought with positive ones and be grateful for what you do have. Ground yourself in the study of your surroundings, and shift your focus and perspective. Not everyone has this fear.

(I had to think about confronting her and her being angry with me. I did talk about this with another person and learned that they had similar feelings about being manipulated. I didn't feel alone and took comfort in this unity. I began to plan what I would say to her and how I would change the environment in my favor.)

Step Three: Then it’s time to do one small thing to face your fear. Speak up with an introduction, get closer to the thing that scares you. Many times I imagined a situation would turn out worse than it was once I had to face it. The reactions I expected didn’t occur, or they were much milder.

(When I finally confronted her, she was upset with the change I'd made. It worked out that the change was sorta her idea, however it didn't work out the way she wanted. She was put in charge of a group, but didn't get to have lunch break with her favorite conspirator anymore. Would she figure out a way to make this happen, so she could get a lunch break with her again? Probably. Would she figure out a reason to make another change in her favor, possibly. This time, I would be ready. All changes can be undone.)

Note: Since we cannot control everything, we have to let go of the illusion of control. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, or to shake and tremble as we move closer to the thing we fear. Take deep breaths. Jump In!

(I certainly am in control of this situation, as I am the highest rank in my department. I needed to find unity and support for my actions and decisions in order to go through with them. I needed to gain some perspective on the situation and allow myself to jump in and make changes. I had to admit that not everything in my department was peachy, that I did not have control, in order to gain it back.)

Fight Writer's Block and Find Your Missing Muse

While stepping back from a work is good practice in order to come back to it with fresh eyes, when you're not finished with a piece and it's not time to edit, stepping away for a break creates a block in the flow of energy. The muse goes missing. They say for every day your take off writing, your muse will take off three!

Some of the ways in which I fight back against my missing muse are to:

Read. I've devoured books this summer, most of which to honor my muse as they are his favorites.

Color. The monotony of coloring busies the right and left brains just enough to let the mind wander. You can get some problem solving done as you enter your subconscious and sort of daydream your worries into submission. This also works with cross stitch. I have a huge lion I've been stitching for 14 years. I just do a little when I feel the need to get into this subconscious flow. I used to do it on particularly bad period days when the cramps were completely unbearable and all I could do was sit, but after my ablation, I don't have those anymore.

Write microfiction. Just getting a small idea out, writing to a prompt or challenge on ficlatte.com, can ease the desire for writing something when there seems to be no direction for such creative outlet.

Brainstorm. I have been following my muse so closely that I have forgotten how to brainstorm for myself. That's why writing Xar felt so good. I wanted to do something awesome. I had it critiqued and it got great reviews and I tweaked it. It is set to go into our short story anthology. Yet I need to keep writing my own things as Elsha Hawk, too. Get out a blank sheet of paper and just write everything that comes to your mind. When you begin to focus on one, expand it and write a few paragraphs or a character sketch.

Review old writings. Looking back into writer's notebooks, into old online microfiction, I search for one liners, or single lines, that are really good and really inspiring. Then I take them in a new direction. I've changed entire stories that way. Once I started with a cultist community that lived in the clouds who met a rival cloud community, but it changed to an island community where a stranger washed ashore and challenged their beliefs.

Doodle. Speaking of character sketches, perhaps you can draw people better than I can and you prefer to wake up your muse by drawing a character from your brainstorming session. You could also just pick up a pencil and doodle, entering that subconscious space until you've worked out where you need to be.

I don't listen to music and get inspired very often because I'm partially an auditory learner and so I pay too much attention to the music to enter that subconscious space. Some people, however, are able to do this.

Paint. Notice a trend? Creative pursuits that allow you to space out and enter that subconscious zone.

Puzzles. I get crazy when I put together a jigsaw puzzle. I sing out loud to myself, get rather loopy and silly, and say some crazy things. There's something about the quiet and concentration and failure and determination during a puzzle build that puts me in a mood of restlessness. I am determined to finish it, to not let it best me, but I want to get out of it so much that I escape into humor.


I'm sure you have other ways. Why don't you share them with the class? Leave a comment!

A Month of Marriage: Compliment Each Other

I have been married for 11 years, to the same man, and while times are not always perfect, we are still together and still in love. He is my best friend. That is the most important thing. I trust him. We communicate. We share.
 
Tip #4 Compliment Each Other



This doesn't mean you pick matching outfits or agree with everything he or she says. That would be complement.
Take a second to tell your partner what you like about them, what they did right, and to praise them. Think how much we all love hearing 'good job'. Here are a few ways to compliment your love:

• Write love notes, 
• Buy gifts for no reason, 
• Pick a feature or trait and tell them how much you like it, 
• Why did you marry that person? Maybe they need to hear it.
• Cook their favorite meal
• Watch their favorite movie together

These are beginning to sound like dates, aren't they? Well, they can be mini dates. If you can take small moments between the kids fighting or when you both happen to be in the same room to share a spoonful of ice cream, do it. 

And smile.