Overcome Your Fear and JUMP IN!

This little PowerPoint (you will have to click through) gives my three steps to overcoming my fears and taking life by the horns. 

Step One: You need to get curious about your fear. Analyze your thoughts, your location when they happen, who they happen around, and what your react is. Do you leave? Do your palms get sweaty and you become tongue tied? This is like analyzing a setting in your writing. Be descriptive and cover all the senses.

(I used to have a co-worker that I needed to confront. I idolized this person because they had more experience and I went to them for advice. However, I was higher in rank and felt manipulated into their ideas on how things should work. They would get really mad when I tried to do things differently, as was my prerogative as the superior.)

Step Two: If your best friend came up to you and said they were struggling with a fear, you would brainstorm with them, comfort them, and motivate them to try to face it, right? Why don’t you do that for your own fears? Replace your negative thought with positive ones and be grateful for what you do have. Ground yourself in the study of your surroundings, and shift your focus and perspective. Not everyone has this fear.

(I had to think about confronting her and her being angry with me. I did talk about this with another person and learned that they had similar feelings about being manipulated. I didn't feel alone and took comfort in this unity. I began to plan what I would say to her and how I would change the environment in my favor.)

Step Three: Then it’s time to do one small thing to face your fear. Speak up with an introduction, get closer to the thing that scares you. Many times I imagined a situation would turn out worse than it was once I had to face it. The reactions I expected didn’t occur, or they were much milder.

(When I finally confronted her, she was upset with the change I'd made. It worked out that the change was sorta her idea, however it didn't work out the way she wanted. She was put in charge of a group, but didn't get to have lunch break with her favorite conspirator anymore. Would she figure out a way to make this happen, so she could get a lunch break with her again? Probably. Would she figure out a reason to make another change in her favor, possibly. This time, I would be ready. All changes can be undone.)

Note: Since we cannot control everything, we have to let go of the illusion of control. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, or to shake and tremble as we move closer to the thing we fear. Take deep breaths. Jump In!

(I certainly am in control of this situation, as I am the highest rank in my department. I needed to find unity and support for my actions and decisions in order to go through with them. I needed to gain some perspective on the situation and allow myself to jump in and make changes. I had to admit that not everything in my department was peachy, that I did not have control, in order to gain it back.)

Goal: Intentionally Teaching Children to "Pay It Forward" in 2015 and Being Their Example

I have a keyword tag for it, I mention it, but do I really "pay it forward"?

Paying it forward means being kind to others without expecting anything back in return.

I researched ways to pay it forward, to find lists of ideas and compare my deeds to those suggestions.
I hold the door open for people, donate clothes to goodwill, recycle, and sometimes let people cut in line in front of me at the store or in traffic. I admit sometimes. This past year I did volunteer at the MS Walk in September. I enjoyed that.

I have to admit, a few of the acts of kindness made me cringe, "Oh, I couldn't do that!" Where did that attitude come from? I should embrace some of those as a challenge. Things like buying stuff specifically to donate; pet food, clothes, food. Food is the easiest. It is the cheapest! Man, I'm a tight-wad.

My goal is to not only consider ways to Be Kind everyday, but to DO something outside of my comfort zone to intentionally help others.

Moreover, I need to teach my students and my own children to be kind. After some more research, I saw that there wasn't a singular list I liked for teaching children, so I made my own.

At school:

• Smile at someone who seems to be having a rough day
• Carry books for someone on crutches
• Compliment someone, tell them they played a great game, painted a nice picture, or wore great shoes
• Hold the door for someone behind you
• Take found items to Lost and Found, even money.

In the Community:

• Put shopping carts back in the cart corral
• Bake and take cookies to local fire and police stations with thank you cards
• Hold a Teddy Bear and Friends drive and donate to police and fire stations. If they have a kid in distress, they would love to have a stuffed animal to give them!
• Take cards, Valentine's, or notes to local nursing homes
• Donate clothes, toys, to daycares, charity, or to a family whose house burned down.
• Donate items to the local humane shelter, maybe even volunteer there or foster a pet
• Give cookies and thank yous to your local postal workers
• Pay for someone's drink or toll behind you from a coin jar you and your kids save change in
• Allow a person with a few items in line in front of you
• Shop with your child for canned goods that you then donate together to the local food bank
• Teach your children how to greet strangers. "Hello" and a smile from a sweetie might make their day.
• Encourage them, if old enough, to use freerice.com. It donates rice to hungry people while your child learns new things.
• Live in a tourist trap? Offer to take photos for people and families struggling to get into a selfie.
• Put coupons you don't need on community bulletin boards. Share coupons for restaurants with others in the restaurant that you don't use.
• Take found items to Lost and Found. It is not always 'Finders Keepers'.
• Many churches do wonderful things to help others. Find out what your church is doing and jump in!

At Home:

• LISTEN! Listen to your kids without trying to fix anything, without adding to their stories, without trying to change the subject. They will learn to listen to their friends and others without judging, too.
• Pick up litter in a local park, along your street, or in an open space nearby regularly. Recycle cans.
• If you don't recycle, do. Kids can help separate and take bags of items to the recycling center, or out to the curb.
• Donate books you no longer read. Schools, libraries, paperback exchanges, and other places like jails or prisons will take books. Call first, though. Find out what programs your town has. There are also some online.
• Donate old towels to the humane shelter
• Leave inspiring notes for each other. (or love notes)
• Mow the neighbor's lawn
• Put out bird feeders or fresh bird baths in winter. 

For More Ideas:
My Pinterest Be Kind Board
Kindspring
For Teachers and Schools
Rants From Mommyland: Kids Can Volunteer - These are divided by age groups
109 Acts of Kindness you can start doing today

Mental Health: Turning Negative Thoughts to Positive Ones

I'm a slacker.

Here's my excuse:
This has been a tough year (January and February), emotionally. I would come home completely drained, and still have documentation to write, which means I had to relive the day. I would then watch TV shows that allowed me to escape reality for a little while. I would have anxiety dreams of all kinds at night, and do it all over again the next day.

I am just now (at the end of April) getting over the stress that hit me in January and February and March.

I am new to this whole 'dealing with people' thing in the way that they manipulate words and ask leading questions, and pry, and gossip, and manipulate others around me so that I am entangled in a web of deceit and emotional trauma and drama.

I asked others for help, and was given assignment after assignment and change after change to make. I was given direction after direction and made every effort to keep trying new things. I struggled. I limped along. I cried. I tried to find my grip on the edge of truth, justice, and sanity. Finally, the persons who instigated this drama got fed up and left. I must not have played into their hand the way they wanted. I'm counting it a victory.

Then another drama came along. I, in my lack of tact and wisdom and maturity, did not approach the persons involved professionally and just say the words plainly and privately. I have some guilt with that. I also have not been taking good data. I am really guilty and upset over that.

I have to pick myself up instead of beating myself up. I have to create a new beginning. I can start the data collection now. (Why is there so much data collection?!? Can I have an aide just to do data collection?!?)

While this may help solve my problems, the point here is to look at how I turn negative thoughts:
"I'm such a failure."
"I can't do this."
"I want to quit."
"I'm a slacker."

into positive ones:
"I just need to reorganize."
"I need to step back and rethink things."
"I need to talk to that person."
"I can do this. It will take time, but I can do this."

I accept them. I can't fight myself. These are problems that need solving.

When I was able to solve the problems, my dreams returned to vacationing instead of fleeing. The getaway that I truly desire is not one that makes me run with fear and trepidation.

More than anything, I have been dreaming of writing. I have been dreaming of summer. I could use a writer's retreat! I could also use a massage, and yoga lessons, and a hot tub, and a pedicure...

But I digress.

The truth is, I have to admit that I am not a slacker. I have had to divert my efforts and energies into pursuits I am less passionate about and find less fulfilling. I have had to give 13 tests. I have had to write 10 papers. I have had to pay bills, register for a big exam, work out my sons' school locations for next year, be a Mom, a wife, and a teacher. I have had to juggle life a bit.

I may be writing an excuse, but it is not a complaint. I have learned so much this year! I have learned that it is time I grew a set of balls. It is painful to grow a set, but once they are in, directing others will be easier. I'm way too nurturing, accommodating, and respectful of other's feelings to step on toes, even when they need stepping on.

I can learn, painful as it is. I can deal with people. I can get my work done, manage my time, and still watch a little mind-numbing  TV at the end of the day.

I can do this.