A to Z - "P" is for Pay It Forward,

Pay It Forward Redux

I posted previously on teaching my kids to pay it forward. I also made this one of my New Year's Resolutions.

So how have I done?

Not very well..

Admittedly, I have not gone out of my way to try doing something new that is nice for others. I've been busy working in my special needs classroom, tutoring special needs and 'regular' kids 3 days a week, raising my boys so that they do their homework and clean up the house, and joining my husband for trivia one night a week. I type up blog posts and do research in my spare time and still get to garden (haven't bought plants yet), and watch TV on Hulu or Netflix when my brain is fried of an evening.

But that's no excuse!

While I still do the things on the list from the previous post that I mentioned earlier, so I can give myself points that don't matter (like on Who's Line Is It Anyway?) for those tasks, I'm missing the imaginary bonus points for doing something new. I'm missing the good feelings of pride in myself for being kind to others.

Right now my focus is on throwing my graduating students a fabulous party. I will miss them, but I know they are going on to bigger and better things.

But surely I can think of something else to do, something small, but impactful.

 Thursday, April 30th is the official Pay It Forward Day. I have 2 weeks to plan!

Pay It Forward Foundation

Really Good article on the Science of Paying It Forward: Bad Behavior Gets Paid Forward More Than Good.




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Goal: Intentionally Teaching Children to "Pay It Forward" in 2015 and Being Their Example

I have a keyword tag for it, I mention it, but do I really "pay it forward"?

Paying it forward means being kind to others without expecting anything back in return.

I researched ways to pay it forward, to find lists of ideas and compare my deeds to those suggestions.
I hold the door open for people, donate clothes to goodwill, recycle, and sometimes let people cut in line in front of me at the store or in traffic. I admit sometimes. This past year I did volunteer at the MS Walk in September. I enjoyed that.

I have to admit, a few of the acts of kindness made me cringe, "Oh, I couldn't do that!" Where did that attitude come from? I should embrace some of those as a challenge. Things like buying stuff specifically to donate; pet food, clothes, food. Food is the easiest. It is the cheapest! Man, I'm a tight-wad.

My goal is to not only consider ways to Be Kind everyday, but to DO something outside of my comfort zone to intentionally help others.

Moreover, I need to teach my students and my own children to be kind. After some more research, I saw that there wasn't a singular list I liked for teaching children, so I made my own.

At school:

• Smile at someone who seems to be having a rough day
• Carry books for someone on crutches
• Compliment someone, tell them they played a great game, painted a nice picture, or wore great shoes
• Hold the door for someone behind you
• Take found items to Lost and Found, even money.

In the Community:

• Put shopping carts back in the cart corral
• Bake and take cookies to local fire and police stations with thank you cards
• Hold a Teddy Bear and Friends drive and donate to police and fire stations. If they have a kid in distress, they would love to have a stuffed animal to give them!
• Take cards, Valentine's, or notes to local nursing homes
• Donate clothes, toys, to daycares, charity, or to a family whose house burned down.
• Donate items to the local humane shelter, maybe even volunteer there or foster a pet
• Give cookies and thank yous to your local postal workers
• Pay for someone's drink or toll behind you from a coin jar you and your kids save change in
• Allow a person with a few items in line in front of you
• Shop with your child for canned goods that you then donate together to the local food bank
• Teach your children how to greet strangers. "Hello" and a smile from a sweetie might make their day.
• Encourage them, if old enough, to use freerice.com. It donates rice to hungry people while your child learns new things.
• Live in a tourist trap? Offer to take photos for people and families struggling to get into a selfie.
• Put coupons you don't need on community bulletin boards. Share coupons for restaurants with others in the restaurant that you don't use.
• Take found items to Lost and Found. It is not always 'Finders Keepers'.
• Many churches do wonderful things to help others. Find out what your church is doing and jump in!

At Home:

• LISTEN! Listen to your kids without trying to fix anything, without adding to their stories, without trying to change the subject. They will learn to listen to their friends and others without judging, too.
• Pick up litter in a local park, along your street, or in an open space nearby regularly. Recycle cans.
• If you don't recycle, do. Kids can help separate and take bags of items to the recycling center, or out to the curb.
• Donate books you no longer read. Schools, libraries, paperback exchanges, and other places like jails or prisons will take books. Call first, though. Find out what programs your town has. There are also some online.
• Donate old towels to the humane shelter
• Leave inspiring notes for each other. (or love notes)
• Mow the neighbor's lawn
• Put out bird feeders or fresh bird baths in winter. 

For More Ideas:
My Pinterest Be Kind Board
Kindspring
For Teachers and Schools
Rants From Mommyland: Kids Can Volunteer - These are divided by age groups
109 Acts of Kindness you can start doing today

Racism - Wrote a Post About It - Here It Go

En Vogue's song "Free Your Mind" is the inspiration for that blog title and is what I think of when I hear about the riots in Ferguson, MO. I've been trying to wrap my head around the whole thing, but mostly what I can do and share with others about the process to check myself and rewire my brain and help re-engineer my brain to think differently about skin color than my culture or mass media has groomed me to believe.

Firstly, let's be clear on what Racism is.

Racism is prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior. -Dictionary.com

"the belief that one's own race is superior"

I'm better than you because I am part of the dominant group.

Race is the dominant group. It is a:  a family, tribe, people, or nation belonging to the same stock

or b :  a class or kind of people unified by shared interests, habits, or characteristics
I am white. Not everyone in my family is white. Some of my relatives have married into a different race and/or have children that are biracial. Do I love them less? No.

But the issue is not family, it is strangers.

When you walk down the street and see a person walking toward you that belongs to a different race, how do you react?

I watched the interview of Toni Morrison by Stephen Colbert and Toni, in her wisdom, says:

"There is no such thing as race. None. There is just a human race -- scientifically, anthropologically. Racism is a construct, a social construct... it has a social function, racism."

When we are the top dogs, we have a sense of pride and accomplishment. It is ingrained into our children. We made it. We beat everyone else to this spot. We own things. We make decisions for the greater good. We are portrayed as the heroes, the good guys, the prettiest, the sexiest, the richest, the ones to idolize and look up to.

We get a little cocky. We begin to snub those we feel are below us. We teach our kids that they can be anything they want and then we let them watch programs and movies that demonstrate that the dominant culture gets the happiest ending.

This is not a good thing. It does not promote peace, goodwill, teamwork, or forgiveness.

How do you break down the barriers? You promote kindness. You teach kindness. You show movies with kindness. You raise awareness for acts of kindness.

I'm sad that Secret Agent L is leaving as she did so many wonderful acts of kindness and touched people all over the world with her blog project.

It is up to us to carry on the traditions of those such as she. It is up to us to volunteer, pay it forward, and just do random nice things. It is up to us to talk about them, teach them, and demonstrate them.

Do them across races. A smile, a hug, an open-ended question, or a donated treat can make someone's day. Don't do it out of pity for their skin color, that's tactless and crass. Do it out of love.