A to Z - "A" is for Acceptance

Having posted about some issues I have had recently, it's time to address Acceptance.

I had the opportunity to re-read some posts from two years ago. I can see growth. The way I wrote blog posts two years ago is different from now. I used a more casual and immature tone. I'm quite embarrassed and really want to go back and edit. Really.

Then I tried to branch out into some mainstream advice, including research, on nutrition, big deal. I found it all very shallow. Nothing revelatory.

I tried to give out some marriage tips. I'm not very good a that.

I shared my disappointment over my position at work and all the baggage that goes with it. I still don't know how to deal with it all. However, I have to come to terms with it.

And I need a plan.

So far, I have seed ideas. I have to accept them, nurture them, see if anything will grow. Part of getting over this ordeal is to plan a way to deal with it; not hide from it, not run from it, not pretend it doesn't exist, but face it head on. Sometimes that takes a leap of faith.

Faith leads to belief. Even if that belief is finally and only in yourself.

Acceptance

I was down and out
In shadow
Never sun

I argued inside
On Outside
All smiles

I cried in the night
No watchers
Hear me not

I waited inside
Still looking
Watching out

One day I saw it
In brightness
The sunshine

I prepared myself
To Embrace
Good Enough





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Generosity: Small Steps

I recently read 'Five Practices of A Fruitful Congregation', technically AFTER my church did, but I digress. Many of the beginning Practices outlined in the book I have mastered, and still do. But much like my health triangle, my Practices triangle is a bit obtuse. (We have a graphic posted in our church of the Five Practices and it makes a triangle)

Anyway, the point is, I'm not Generous!

So I tried to begin today. I made 10 copies of a Thank You card on Word and signed them and handed them out at school to the 10 teachers and aides I work with.

Firstly, I made them with all good intentions. I have a very hard time saying thank you when it is needed. I just sometimes think my gratitude is implied. Why I think that, I have no idea, and it has gotten me in trouble in the past.

Thus, when I got to school, part of me wanted to pretend I hadn't made them and just end the year in silence. I didn't get to write in a personal note to each one. They were not store bought or fancy or really special. They felt weak, and I began to get embarrassed.

But I decided to push through, covertly handing out two cards on teacher's desks who were out of the room. Then I wandered to another classroom and did the same. I was feeling better, like a Secret Santa, on some mission of behind-the-scenes gifting. I enjoy doing things to make people feel good that I don't have to own up to.

In the third classroom, the teacher was present. CONFRONTATION! I began to feel my cheeks grow red and I planned my attack. Swoop in, look at floor, say a phrase to make little of the gesture, exit.

Surprisingly, the teacher said, "Oh you are so kind! Usually people hate me because I yell at them."

Floored, I began to wonder how many times she was thanked in her life. I had to reply. I made a lighthearted comment. "It comes with the territory!" So true. I meant that the students she has are often difficult, but I guess that could go for staff, too.. I considered this. Then I stopped considering it because that would require me to cast judgment on the other faculty. That only causes trouble. I do wish this teacher would praise the students more, however that's a style difference.

I then handed out the rest of my cards in person, with the phrase "I made a little thank you card for everyone." I received small thanks in return, as is custom and polite. It was all over. I finished my lunch.

I should sum this up by stating something that I learned, but I won't. I did it. I stepped out of my comfort zone a tiny bit and have a tiny story about it. Nothing huge happened, no vast emotional bridges were crossed and burned, and I don't feel a strong sense of accomplishment.

This is just a stepping stone. Let's hope I keep taking small steps like this because one day I will be able to turn back and say 'See how far I've come?'


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.