The Last 10 Years

A friend of mine posted on facebook that he was glad to see a year with a 5 in it. The last time we had a year with a 5 in it was 10 years ago.

I began to think back 10 years.

2005

It was 3 years before I started to blog.

The husband and I took an official honeymoon in March on a shoestring budget to Niagara Falls and Toronto. We left the 2 year old in the care of my parents and brother. We stayed in the cheapest hotel and only spent money on food. It was cold and the Maid of the Mist wasn't running. There was ice on the falls. We enjoyed being tourists, but the only attraction we could afford was one of the arcades. This was the highlight of my year. It was the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of the year '05.

I graduated from college in May. This was not the first thing that popped into my head, because I didn't attend my college graduation. I didn't want to sit through the speeches alone. My family would not be attending. It wasn't a big deal.

How you do homework with a toddler

We moved back to our home city to be near family. It was an old house we rented near a big college football stadium. It was okay except for fall homecoming. Band music, cheering, lights, drunken college kids; not my thing. I'd just left that behind. In fact, I never went to any homecoming in high school or college. Sports are not my thing.

I worked that summer taking care of adults with special needs in a group home, driving for an hour to the location. Later, I would switch companies to be closer to home.

I missed the window for interviewing in this county's school system and began to substitute teach in the fall. I picked up a job right away as an education assistant working one-on-one with a boy in a wheelchair. I enjoyed this job. I enjoyed working in the group homes, too, even though it was much harder and much more stressful. I feel...useful, fulfilled, knowing I am helping people.

Sometime in that year I think I made homemade applesauce. I don't even like applesauce. I think my son ate most of it.

In the winter, we filed for bankruptcy when our house didn't sell. We took care of some stupid debt mistakes, including surrendering my car which we were paying too much for. It was a rough time of learning, growing up, and being adults. I think the next 2 years were even rougher, though. Maybe even the next 7 years.

It was a rough year, one of lessons learned.

2005 was the beginning of rock bottom. I was whiny, insecure, immature, couldn't see my dreams through all the stormy clouds of life. I deleted most of those blog posts from '08 and '09 and '10, etc. They were embarrassing, or too revealing; unprofessional.

2014 was a pretty good year compared to '12 and '13. It started a little rough, with my learning what it was like to have a difficult student and feeling like a failure. I graduated from the next phase of my college classes. I put that Spring semester behind me and jumped into a new school year with both feet. I redesigned my classroom, my schedule, and rejoiced in the new challenges that would come. I felt ready, but still armored up with the knowledge that things could change at any moment.

And here it is, 2015.

I bought a new planner and organized my time into it. I set a time for workouts, for lesson planning, for dinner, for me-time, for date time, for writing time, and for homework. I know things will happen to interrupt my planned schedule, but having things planned gives me freedom to accept those changes.

It also helps me set goals. My family now knows I workout at 5. They encourage me not to miss it. Having a set time frees me up to choose how to spend it. I can Wii Zumba, use the elliptical and do some bodyweight exercises, or punch the new punching bag in my living room. (The boys are loving that punching bag, by the way.) I can decide if I want a cardio day, a strength day, a stretching day, a dance day, or a mix-of-whatever day. One day the weather will be nice again and I can start biking, walking the dog, jogging, and outside exercises.


The expert say to take small steps to reach a goal. They say to set goals. Setting a time for a workout and planning my day is a small, but very important step to achieving something awesome.

When I thought back to that weekend trip in 2005, I also recalled that we wanted to take the boys there on a vacation someday. We've been talking a lot about that elusive word, 'vacation', and how it compares to 'trip'. I am hoping that my new scheduling/organizing skills will spill over to saving skills and more wise choices that result in a 'trip' or a 'vacation' or both.

Hey, gas prices are back down to the same that they were in 2005... and I am in a better financial place. How did we do it back then? Have enough to go on a weekend excursion? If we did it 10 years ago, we can stubbornly do it again. Determination. Goals. Dreaming Big.

Advice For Living A Fulfilled Life

Tying in with my Top 3 Goals of the Summer, I read a great post on 10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s full of great advice from wise sages who have been there and looked back.

While my number one was Exercise, their number one is Saving.

In past blog posts, I have lamented over my monitary woes. It feels whiny and childish to read over them. I deleted several, but kept a few just to remind myself that I was whiny and childish.

Still, I must have been on the right track, because so many wise people shared that their life would have been a lot easier had they saved for retirement, or even for emergencies.

One huge catastrophe. Loss of job. Identity theft. Natural Disaster. Insurance isn't completely enough. There has to be some emergency money saved up. What is the rule of thumb, at least 3 months of your bills?

So, this is a goal for me. It is probably a goal for the majority of you, in your 30s or not!

Number two on their top 10 was health. Of course. You've only got one body.

The next two are about relationships. I address the topic of relationships with my Goal Number 2: Planning, because I am thinking about my family and when to see them and things to do with them. Family is number 9 on the list, addressing more than just your children, but parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. Summer is a great time for family reunions and building memories, reconnecting, and not holding grudges.

A huge section of the list is devoted to talents and dreams, being yourself and loving what you do for a living, and taking chances. I suppose that really is what your 30s are for. Sure, you are ready for a career to begin saving for retirement, but you want to love what you do and be happy. This is a decade of your life, after all. Don't waste it working for the man in a nowhere kind of job. I don't address this in my summer goals, because I am on summer break from my job, teaching. I am happy with teaching, and I don't think it is a nowhere kind of job, but my real passion is writing. What I have to do is remember to devote time to writing and see where that takes me while I work my job and serve children with special needs.

Lastly is a plea to be kind and respectful to yourself. This is addressed in my Mental Health section under having fun. You can't have fun if you hate yourself and everything about yourself. It's like how you can't sneeze and keep your eyes open.

Want to know what to do to find your happiness?
Being Honest, Kind, Respectful, and having positive self talk is addressed in detail in my wordpress blog, "Spoonfuls of Sugar: A Happiness Journal" during the month of July 2014. Expect one post a day. :)

Getting Ready for a Yard Sale: Purging and Emotional Detachment

I told my sister we needed to get together and have a big yard sale. Still have no idea WHEN or WHERE the sale will occur, but I'm getting ready anyway.

Gearing up for this yard sale event, I watched many episodes of Clean House.

It took some perspective shifting to begin to view what I wanted my house to look like without extra clutter. Niecy Nash spoke to me several times through the highly scripted adventures of the show!

For many people, purging your treasures is hard. Cleaning up, clearing out, and organizing a space that contains items full of memories often dredges up emotions. It is difficult to separate yourself from the emotional ties to people, events, and moments in your life that signify who you are or who you want to be, the best times or the times you want to have in your life, and the people you love.

I started this week in my youngest son's room. I knew he was outgrowing some books and toys. It is also easier to clean up someone else's space rather than your own. :)

The best thing to do is to have your children help you by telling you what they feel they are too big for. What is always amazing is that they can detach themselves from their items so easily. "I'm too big for Cars, now Mommy." It's the adult who sniffles and thinks, 'but you were a toddler when you played with this!' He started my piles of salable items off right. Two big containers of toys and books, plus his entire bedding set.

One thing I disliked as a child was my mother storming into my bedroom with a large trash bag and making things disappear. I wanted to have control! I will not take that control from my boys. Instead, I will teach them how to organize their spaces, display their prized possessions, and get rid of things that are not used and not respected. "Everything has a place and (most of the time) it gets put back in its place!" (Right?!?!)

Then I moved on to a space which has become a junk dumping ground. It was easy to work here because I had already decided on a few things in there that I knew could go. Detachment happened long before the work. I purged my collection of dolphin figurines and old CDs and cassettes. (Yeah, I still have some.)

I also began on my bookshelves and DVDs.

I found a lot of dust! In fact, if things were too dusty, I forced myself to really consider whether it was something worth hanging onto.

They say to ask these questions:

• Do you love it?
• Do you need it?
• Have you used it and how recently?
• Does it make your life better?
• Can you borrow it, rent it, store it in a cloud, or burn it? Could you buy another one if you really needed it?
• Is it out of date or style?
• Am I keeping it for an emotional reason?
• What's the worst that can happen if I don't have it?

I moved on to decorative knick-knacks, and the board game closet, but I still hadn't tackled the difficult areas: clothes, scrapbooking, and holiday items. Would my mother really be that upset if I got rid of the ornaments she pawned off on me?

Probably not.

A couple of good things: since we moved one son into a new room 6 months ago, he hasn't had time to accumulate a lot of things. He needed some organization and some trash thrown out. Secondly, I had already put clothes into a pile in the winter and delivered it to Goodwill when we thought we were so over having yard sales, so our closets were pretty picked over.

Cleaning out a house for a yard sale is not a one-person thing. I need my family to pitch in. They need to go through this process, too. It is healthy. Besides, the garage is not my domain! Hubby has yet to let me down. He usually finds SOMETHING that ends up being a 'big ticket' item and sells for a chunk of change. I have no idea what that would be this year, but he will inevitably find the THING.

Until the day arrives, there is a growing pile of things I am emotionally detached from in my living room. I will continue to purge more corners and drawers and nooks and crannies until I feel successful, clean, and proud of myself for getting out the gunk. Plus, I will love my clutter-free, beautiful, house and knowing my clutter demons are conquered.

Finding Myself: The Purpose

"The purpose isn't the destination, but the journey." - Allison Vesterbelt

I have spent so much time, years, into answering the question "Who am I?". The answer is always that I am still becoming, still changing, still yearning to fill the wanderlust inside that is chasing my dreams. I grasp at what I long to be. I see a personality trait I wish I had more of. I hear about an adventure I want to take. I see someone having success in an area I want to have success in. I find a fault in my personality I want to correct.

Who Am I?

Even if I take off on a trip to see and experience things I really want to see or experience, while I am on the trip and when I get back, I am still carrying around ME. I can't escape from myself, my quirks, my problems. They will still be there. Going off to 'find myself' isn't a means to an end.

The journey itself can be revelatory.

Life is made up of experiences. Sometimes they are planned, and sometimes they are a surprise.

Every time something interrupts your normal routine; your car breaks down, there is a snow day, you get the flu, how do you react to it? It's part of your journey. Your reactions can be actions. Actions show who we are.

In the reaction, action, or inaction lies the revelation. Who are you? Do you run and hide or stay and fight? Can you handle what life throws at you or do you need to learn to ask for help? Do you stop and smell the roses or pass them by?

When we plan a trip, we often include sights to see and people to visit.

I hardly plan my daily humdrum to include sights to see or people to visit. Do you? It's work, work, work.

What can you plan to give yourself a mental, sensory, or emotional break each week?

Who do you need to plan more time with?

I know I need to plan on ways to spend time with my family and friends. I also need to find ways to have mental breaks in my days so I don't come home and unleash a torrent of misdirected frustration on my family. I also know I need to plan for exercise so I can safely give my body an outlet for stress.

My journey needs to include toleration for the surprise side trips, as well as being able to enjoy the nice surprises and appreciation for when things progress smoothly. Just like flexibility in a good road trip or vacation, my life cannot be so rigid as to avoid opportunities.

The purpose of life is to enjoy the journey.

Highs and Lows

Day 17: Your Highs and Lows of the Past Year

January
Highs: We just moved into our house!! Biggest, most awesome high ever. Found a new daycare, began applying for teaching positions for next year with optimism, Son started playing indoor soccer, having crawlspace repaired and sump pump installed

Lows: illness, made a lot of phone calls about house, learned 1/2 days subbing was fruitless

February
Highs: Took family out to Red Lobster in thanks for helping us with house; took son to his bookfair; had Valentine's lunch at my Mom's; started working at a middle school for 3 weeks; bought items for house; boys' beds, shelving, storage cabinets, got a new camera; went out of town to Mall for a fun shopping trip

Lows: power out for a week, got in fight with home warrantee company, van's engine blew

March
Highs: Got to stay working at school for 3 more weeks, then sub; picked up my 2nd doggie and made him a home here

Lows: Son decides he is not really into soccer, I make him go anyway

April
Highs: Sis-in-law's baby shower is a blast; I sub a lot; last soccer game; filled out more job apps for next school year in hope; planted flowers; weather was nice for son's birthday; published in Eclectic Flash

Lows: feel guilty about buying new office chairs

May
Highs: Family went to Zoo; got a recommendation letter; planted flowers for my Mom; bought my car; found out my sis was pregnant

Lows: hubby quit his job

June
Highs: hubby gets new job; took kids to small fair; interview went great; swam with kids; took them to library to kickoff summer learning; did some more gardening in front of house; published the porch book with my aunt; went to Holiday World theme park; had a fun VBS; went to Nashville, IN artist colony

Lows: not working, though I enjoy it, it strains the budget.

July
Highs: Lots of family get togethers for the 4th; laundry room painted, floored, and new appliances; went to the 4-H fair; started ficly nominations for book; went to a big Mall, but it turned out not a shopping place for us

Lows: back to paycheck by paycheck living by end of month, stopped going to the library functions, but still for books, it got so hot, had to put dogs in garage during the day

August
Highs: took boys to Children's Museum, saw Bill Nye, babysat my nieces and nephew, back to school, voting on ficly book canceled and all nominations included; friend sent me gift of brand new book I had to cancel my pre-order of!

Lows: rejected for assistance, but it was their error, had to fight them; no school job

September
Highs: straightened out assistance issue, but had to wait on other department to mail; self-published poetry book and snippet of my micro fiction collection to generate sales

Lows: tried to get a job, but it was filled by transfer; subbed very little

October
Highs: finally got funds in; went to covered bridge festival (for socks, they were out of boys socks) and had our favorite 6 dollar meal; had 1st weekend ALONE in years!; ficly book done and ready for order, had a good time trick-or-treat-ing

Lows: very little subbing, began to apply for other jobs, no luck

November
Highs: held a practice turkey fry; had lots of family thanksgiving celebrations, even went to see my grandma; paid for ficly book sales, as well as my own microfiction book

Lows: began to get sinus infections; felt very depressed about not having job, applied for college, but decided if I went back, I'd go local instead of online

December
Highs: Christmas, especially giving gifts; Oldest son's first new year watching ball drop; designed and built a doghouse for new doggie in one evening; Christmas card and gift from Australia;

Lows: not much work, especially with winter break in there; lots of illness; hubby's truck broke, but we fixed it; the furnace quit, so we had to fix it; it was so cold, had to put the dogs in the garage overnight.

And you have to wait for my update on THIS month. :)




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