Why AreThere More Questions Than Answers?

Day 30: Your Highs and Lows This Month

This month started out with a lot of hope. It's a new year, there was a new baby in the family, my niece, and sometime we were hoping hubby would get hired on.

I had the bright idea to attempt to get a decent job with a salary. I subbed in the meantime and planned my son's 8th birthday.


Then I went to my interview and was so nervous, I think I totally bombed it. This plunged me into three days of walking depression. Even though I threw a party and brushed off the interview fiasco like it wasn't bothering me, I couldn't be a wife to my husband, nor a great mom for a few days. Finally I convinced myself that it just wasn't meant to be and at least I tried. If I choose to repeat this process, I will have learned something from it.

Hubby finally heard he was getting hired on January 31st. He starts tomorrow. Thing is, I haven't really celebrated this wonderful news. We did go out to eat. But in my heart, I haven't let the joy in.

And then I found out about a full time position as an aide for a 7th grade student with autism whom I had worked with before. I was a shoe-in. The principal and assistant principal of the school would have hired me that very minute. The interview for this job was completely different.

The only thing about this job is that I know what I am in for. I know the stresses and pitfalls that WILL come with this job. You'd think I'd be prepared, but I'm afraid I'll fall for them the same way I fell for them before. My goal is to stay positive. But more importantly, to keep looking for other jobs, to use this as a foot in the door. I'm going back for a reason. I just don't know what that is.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Is There A Happy Balance?

Day 27: A Problem That You Have Had

I've been struggling with my role. Yep. I want to work to support my family financially, however, that has been troublesome. I apply and maintain my resume and try, but nothing comes to fruition.

I want to also keep my home tidy and healthy for my family, and enjoy sleeping in, or choosing what days to work and when to be lazy as a substitute.

I can't have both.

Do I want to work or do I want to be lazy?

Then there is writing. When I am all flustered, not a word comes out. When I am busy with work and housecleaning, I can't even read and leave a comment on my favorite website! If I want to write, I have to not work.

Am I a writer, or a worker? Can I find a happy balance?

I think if I get a consistent job, I can work around my schedule and fit chores and writing in. With this inconsistent schedule, I never know what I'll have time for.

Yes, there is a balance. Consistency brings harmony.

Getting there is the struggle.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

How Have I Changed In The Past 2 years?

Day 22: How Have You Changed in the past 2 Years?

I went back to read over my first blogs here on this site. Wow. Some of them are so embarrassing.. I deleted a few posts. *cheeks burn with shame*

It's obvious I have matured as a writer, as well as a mom and wife, by reading back over those. In 3 years, this blog hasn't had much of a purpose but to share a little bit of my life with you. Though I was disappointed in the scattered content at first, I realized that's just me, and I'm not going to change. While I do have ideas for future posts, they are going to be a varied as the songs my soul sings.

In the past 2 years I have:

• owned 3 vehicles
  
• gained one dog
  
• been a wild turtle rescuer
  
• had some great and not so great teaching experiences
  
• been published
  
• made some new friends and said good-bye to others
• bought a house!!!!!
  

Some of my views about the world have been tested and opinions solidified: issues in education and gay/lesbian rights, specifically.

Reading back over my blogs, many of the laments I had about my job are now reminders of lessons learned. Some things never change, and others are just hallmarks to avoid in the future. I am just as hard-headed, and at times impulsive, as ever, still sometimes falling for the same lines, making the same mistakes. Maturity means I'm either recovering quicker, or stopping myself before it gets too far.

One thing that stands out to me: I had forgotten what my son was like at 5 and 6. Remembering his behaviors is a warning to me about what's to come with the younger one! Maybe history won't repeat itself, but as humans, we tend to go through the same struggles at the same ages.


But most importantly, all the bad stuff that shaped me seems to dissipate, the hurt feelings numbed by time. It's the good things I remember most.



This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Highs and Lows

Day 17: Your Highs and Lows of the Past Year

January
Highs: We just moved into our house!! Biggest, most awesome high ever. Found a new daycare, began applying for teaching positions for next year with optimism, Son started playing indoor soccer, having crawlspace repaired and sump pump installed

Lows: illness, made a lot of phone calls about house, learned 1/2 days subbing was fruitless

February
Highs: Took family out to Red Lobster in thanks for helping us with house; took son to his bookfair; had Valentine's lunch at my Mom's; started working at a middle school for 3 weeks; bought items for house; boys' beds, shelving, storage cabinets, got a new camera; went out of town to Mall for a fun shopping trip

Lows: power out for a week, got in fight with home warrantee company, van's engine blew

March
Highs: Got to stay working at school for 3 more weeks, then sub; picked up my 2nd doggie and made him a home here

Lows: Son decides he is not really into soccer, I make him go anyway

April
Highs: Sis-in-law's baby shower is a blast; I sub a lot; last soccer game; filled out more job apps for next school year in hope; planted flowers; weather was nice for son's birthday; published in Eclectic Flash

Lows: feel guilty about buying new office chairs

May
Highs: Family went to Zoo; got a recommendation letter; planted flowers for my Mom; bought my car; found out my sis was pregnant

Lows: hubby quit his job

June
Highs: hubby gets new job; took kids to small fair; interview went great; swam with kids; took them to library to kickoff summer learning; did some more gardening in front of house; published the porch book with my aunt; went to Holiday World theme park; had a fun VBS; went to Nashville, IN artist colony

Lows: not working, though I enjoy it, it strains the budget.

July
Highs: Lots of family get togethers for the 4th; laundry room painted, floored, and new appliances; went to the 4-H fair; started ficly nominations for book; went to a big Mall, but it turned out not a shopping place for us

Lows: back to paycheck by paycheck living by end of month, stopped going to the library functions, but still for books, it got so hot, had to put dogs in garage during the day

August
Highs: took boys to Children's Museum, saw Bill Nye, babysat my nieces and nephew, back to school, voting on ficly book canceled and all nominations included; friend sent me gift of brand new book I had to cancel my pre-order of!

Lows: rejected for assistance, but it was their error, had to fight them; no school job

September
Highs: straightened out assistance issue, but had to wait on other department to mail; self-published poetry book and snippet of my micro fiction collection to generate sales

Lows: tried to get a job, but it was filled by transfer; subbed very little

October
Highs: finally got funds in; went to covered bridge festival (for socks, they were out of boys socks) and had our favorite 6 dollar meal; had 1st weekend ALONE in years!; ficly book done and ready for order, had a good time trick-or-treat-ing

Lows: very little subbing, began to apply for other jobs, no luck

November
Highs: held a practice turkey fry; had lots of family thanksgiving celebrations, even went to see my grandma; paid for ficly book sales, as well as my own microfiction book

Lows: began to get sinus infections; felt very depressed about not having job, applied for college, but decided if I went back, I'd go local instead of online

December
Highs: Christmas, especially giving gifts; Oldest son's first new year watching ball drop; designed and built a doghouse for new doggie in one evening; Christmas card and gift from Australia;

Lows: not much work, especially with winter break in there; lots of illness; hubby's truck broke, but we fixed it; the furnace quit, so we had to fix it; it was so cold, had to put the dogs in the garage overnight.

And you have to wait for my update on THIS month. :)




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.