Don't EVER say God does things for a reason

There are some bad Christians out there, false prophets, twisting theology to their own means, creating in society a hatred for what they believe are Christian practices.

I'm going to focus on one.

DON'T EVER SAY "GOD DOES THINGS FOR A REASON"!

Don't ever tell a grieving parent that God needed their child as an angel.
Don't ever tell a depressed person that God is letting them suffer for a reason that we don't understand.
Don't ever tell a natural disaster survivor that their life was ripped apart as part of God's will.
Don't say that God LETS bad things happen.

Who are you to claim to know God's will??

"And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Does that mean the 'bad people' who 'don't love God' are exempt? That he turns his back on them and does nothing to help them? NO. He is working to change the hearts of ALL people to love. Some people are not changed yet.

I will point to the scripture that says: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Gen 50:20" This is Joseph, grown up, forgiving his brothers for selling him into slavery at the age of 17.

It does not say GOD intended harm. GOD intended good. He took the bad situation, the negative consequences, and He found a way for His good to still happen.

So you might throw back at me Ecclesiastes chapter 3 "In everything there is a season, a time for... (vs 3) killing and a time for healing..." Does this mean God plans or allows bad things? NO. Killing was allowed as a punishment for some crimes under the Law of Moses, or in war, or in defending yourself.  There is a time for killing, but it is NOT God doing it in this scripture.

Stop pulling things out of context.

He works IN SPITE OF, THROUGH, AROUND, and IN THE MIDST OF our screw ups, our effects that we caused. He has a plan, a grand scheme, a goal, and it is good.

Listen, God is NOT the author, He is the master of reworking flaws. He is not creating situations in which His characters, His people, get hurt. He is not George R.R. Martin. He is a sculptor whose critical eye works with flaws to make something beautiful and good.

Tragedies happen and despite them, despite the evil in the world, God is there. He takes each hiccup we throw at him and he works it into the creation. Nothing we do can throw him off his goal.

GOD MAKES IT WORK.

In order to come into a spirit more closely aligned with God...

Let's be realistic. We are screwing things up in our lives if we personify God as having human qualities of jealousy, revenge, and a penchant for watching people fall down. The reality is that He sees it all and can predict certain outcomes based on our choices fueled by our emotional state. He knows us. He finds a way to bring us around that does not harm us.

Let's be forgiving, and not in the 'I'm sorry' kind of way. The word forgiveness means carrying the burden of sin for the other person. You don't let their actions have the intended effects. Work around, through, and in the midst of the issue, the drama, to heal. God forgives, not letting our causes have the effects we were heading towards.

Let's be trusting. Nothing is so evil it cannot be redeemed in the eyes of God. Even when EVERY instinct you have says the opposite, KNOW that God is good. Everything will work out for good. When every instinct says to hang on and not let go and let God take control, you have to give that burden over to Him. Or when every instinct says to give in and just forget living life, keep hope and trust in the power of God and good to win out.

Yes, life is unfair. There are consequences for actions that you have no control over that may affect you, blindside you, anger you, take you down. As long as you are still breathing, you can have faith that God is working through it to achieve good. Did he create the mess? No. He can make it work for good. Good for you, good for the world, good for your family, your life, your future.

Does that mean he has a 'reason' or 'lets things happen'? No. It means you have to trust that He has a goal and He is there working no matter what unfair thing happens to you as a result of some other cause. You are not in control and you cannot judge, nor ascribe traits to God who created everything. You have to trust. You have to believe. 

Do you Grumble and Complain?

We all know someone who seems to complain about EVERYTHING, right?

Too hot, too cold, too nice, too ugly, too fat, too sweet, these complaints drive us crazy. We tend to think these people can never be pleased, and that they aren't happy at all.



Perhaps they are not. Perhaps putting others and other things down makes them feel better about themselves. Perhaps they don't think about other's feelings and only their own, thus they are happy.

If your heart, your insides, are low enough that you think bringing others down to your level is a good idea, let me tell you something. Bringing others down doesn't raise you up, it leaves you in a stinking morass of bodies you drowned.

I took my son to the fair. It was hot. The rabbits and poultry were being judged so their barns were closed. It was dusty and he was thirsty. He began to complain about his thirst, then demand a bottle of water. He began to sit down on benches and wait for me to browse. When I moved on, he followed me and began complaining, "Why did you bring me? I didn't want to come!"

I grew frustrated with his whining. "Stop! I don't want to hear it!"

The problem is that this is cyclical. The sense of entitlement, that you deserve to be treated a certain way or have certain things is so pervasive, so ingrained in society that you can't stop doing it. You get roped in and mired down in this way of thinking.

Most people just endure the negative talk wishing for the person to move on, because move on they will, to drag someone else down.

How do you stop grumbling and complaining?

Of course you can start appreciating what you have, but this goes deeper than just counting blessings.
You have to learn to see things from another person's point of view. You have to accept when you are wrong. You have to amend your thinking all the way down to the core of your being where you think you are not worthy.

Let me tell you. You are. You are worthy of good things. Let that sink in.

Is Jesus Real to You? Sunday Thoughts

I normally do not comment upon religious or spiritual things except to promote spiritual health. I'm not one to rock boats. Today's question, however, comes with a few caveats.

Is Jesus real to you?

This question was posed to early Methodists, Lutherans, and Wesleyans by John Wesley. He wants your honesty deep within yourself. Yes or no?

Firstly, in a culture that knows ABOUT Him through stories from the Bible - the ark, the apple and the serpent, parting the waters, and the death and resurrection of Jesus - we have a stunted relationship WITH Him.

Many people grow up 'in the church' and never understand in their hearts what it is they hear. They don't feel it. Then all the questions are hedged and routines done just to keep people thinking you are a follower. My little nieces could tell you at two years old "Jesus!" or "God!" as the answer to every question in church. Some feel this is indoctrination, and it is. This practice, whether you find it foul or devout, is common. Yet you can recite, be indoctrinated, and STILL not believe.

Why? Because it takes a fall from pride, admitting you have failed, and allowing yourself to be subservient and lowly to accept that you need God. People have a lot of pride.  They cannot open themselves up to scrutiny. If it's a test, how will it feel to fail?

It feels like taking a pre-test over information you haven't learned yet and then feeling dumb. You come completely unprepared. You feel defeated when you come seeking answers and get questions in response. There is a lot of mystery and vaguely worded scriptures do not always soothe.

Then there are some tough situations we find ourselves in before we seek spiritual guidance. When you bring a belief to the altar and find that others shun you for it, or that you don't get the answer you want, you stop wanting to know more. That feels like having sex before dating. You tried it but it didn't work. You met up, felt some desire, some need, but afterwards you left unfulfilled and full of regrets.

The Church, as a body of people, of sinners, invites you to take a pretty big step - to make a decision to believe and have a relationship with an omnipotent being. No one wants to do that after a let down. Neither do we want to do that without knowing what the reward will be. Is there instant gratification?

So they date their religion, never committing. Yes, a religion is like a marriage. You do have to commit. That is daunting. So you listen and participate, sing and volunteer, ask questions and try to find answers. Sometimes you date forever and people ask you if you are ever going to get married. Sometimes you leave and get back together and leave and get back together.

The second part of this is: How can the world know unless someone explains it to them?

We all learn through teachers. Watching someone take communion and hearing the language isn't enough to understand it. Reading the Bible may help you know the stories, but not enough to understand the meaning in the message.

In the old days, the days of the book of Acts, the early Christians did not have access to books. Having a scroll meant you were rich. Stories were passed by word of mouth. They didn't know ABOUT many things. When a new story came along, they had one chance, while the church leader was still there before he moved on to another village, to make a decision. Someone explained it all to them and they either got it or they didn't.

We are similar, except we are bombarded with information. We have to sift through it daily. We hear lots of stories, opinions, most of them contradictory. How do we know what is true and right? Who do you listen to?

For those who choose to believe that life ends at death, I hope you are able to be spiritually healthy enjoying nature, quiet time, or self-reflection. When you stop believing in Santa, you still get gifts, you just lose that innocent magical wonder. Perhaps the world is just a cynical place and you are one of the few bright spots - be kind, do good, and love others even if they seem unlovable.

Lastly, if Jesus is Real to You, and you have the Holy Spirit, it guides you through scriptures to the answers. You just KNOW things, intents, interpretations, by feeling them. How can I describe it? Your conscious feels similar, and your heart or gut instinct, to the Spirit. There is no other way to put it but it allows you to assimilate the information and just know what is meant. This is not a gift that Santa can give, nor is it instant gratification after accepting and believing. If you believe in alternate dimensions or realms, think about the Spirit as permeating your being. It's around you and in you like air and water vapor. It's just there. It's a 4-D thing in a 3-D world.

It also feels clean, fresh, and new. Like pure happiness, there is a cool breath that enters your lungs and sweeps out the bad and leaves behind the good. It's almost like being in love. If you can accept that as instant gratification, then that's what it is. A fleeting feeling. It's like the high of doing good things to help others. It's not pride in yourself, it's knowing you were a good person.

Making the Most of Summer

I've been told that I haven't blogged in a while an I need to. Firstly, here's why:

https://hawkandyoung.com - 6 free short stories and their shiny new covers!

https://hawkandyoung.wordpress.com - New author interviews, articles, and pleas for your help.

https://www.patreon.com/hawkandyoung - Support me and my co-author's writing endeavors!

https://rejectedmanuscripts.org/shortfiction/son-of-hades/ - vote for our short story to make it into an anthology!

I've been entering lots of writing contests, too. There are still 2 entries out waiting for rejections. :P


Soon I have to get back into my classroom and transform it for a new school year full of new challenges. I'm taking my summer break and LOVING the most out of it!

People ask me, 'do you have any big summer plans?' Well no, and while we sort of wanted to go to Holiday World this summer, which is like a 200 dollar day trip, we've had 2,000 dollars in medical bills to pay with 3 more on the way of an unknown amount.

Yes, with insurance. Except for the dog's heartworm treatment, we do not have pet insurance.

Blessings though, there was a time when 2,000 dollars would have been the end for us. We continue to struggle, yes, but it is not completely insurmountable. We will crawl out from under this and be okay.

But let's not dwell on the numbers, rather, let's look at us being healthy and making the most of our days.

Sunday the weather was perfect for a swim. Afterward I made a fire in the fire pit and there were no biting bugs, a cool breeze, and partly cloudy skies. It was perfection.

While I woke up with a headache today, I could sleep in. That small luxury alone is a huge blessing. I could read a book in comfort and not even get dressed. I could take a bubble bath or a nap. This is the kind of day I dream about having during the school year when I'm working and the weather changes and I feel crummy but I have to go to work and deal with my students also feeling crummy.

Before that happens, I want to use up the coupons in my wallet. I have all these little free food coupons I was gifted before I left school to places I don't normally go. Let's try something new! It could be a week of 'never leave your city' or 'staycation' trips where I and the boys pretend to be tourists in our own town. If they would go for that.

I want to keep having mini dates with hubby. Even though I sometimes complain that we never go where I want to go because we can't afford it, or he wouldn't enjoy it so I can't enjoy something I would have otherwise enjoyed (like parades, air shows, zip lining, or theme parks), I still enjoy talking to him about our book series, going to places, and being with him. He tells me that he takes me places just to be with me. If I can't go to Monday night Trivia, even though everyone else there is either his family or his friends, he says he won't go without me. I need a friend to go with me to some of those other places that he won't.

I want to paint a picture and color an adult coloring book page.

I want to read a bunch of books in my library. I'm reading Game of Thrones right now.

I want to work my butt off writing. Things are getting rejected, things are getting accepted. I'm making tons of new writer friends on Twitter and getting some awesome words down on "paper" every day.

Some days I wax poetic:
Hold onto me 
and I'll hold onto you. 

 If I feel your grip 
slacken a little in mine 

 My grip will fail 
We'll both drift off into space

Angry, Baby
It's an angry day 
dream in anger 
Frustrations fall on deaf ears 

It's an angry month 
nightmares reign 
Timelines don't sync up 

Been an angry year 
Money spent 
Hopes faded to dark 

What comes after anger? 
Acceptance 
Bring on the numbness

Or haiku:
Our story book ends 
Dusk rainbow soft before night 
New story begins

Sometimes I ponder myself and my values:
You say there is freedom in not tweeting what you were gonna say, but I shudder to think that you are dishonest with me. I get that some things are better left unsaid, but if it would change the course of history for the better, even brutal honesty has its place.

Sometimes I go back to high school:
I watched you open your locker from across the hall. You pulled out my note, started to unfold it. Your buddy jumped on your shoulder and you silently slid it into your pocket. My heart beats 'keep reading', 'keep reading' as I walk to class.

Sometimes I raise the temperature:
At a loss for words, your dripping chest emerges from the hot tub. "Join me?" Slowly, I strip off my clothes and take your hand to step into the bubbles, my temperature rising with more heat inside that out.

The offer dangled before him like the apple of Eve's sin. He wanted so badly to taste it, but hadn't yet decided which he would regret more, having done it, or having not. His head said turn away, but his body lusted forward. His heart was torn.

Beneath the brim of his black fedora, two brown eyes smoldered. My breath caught in my chest. A slow smile crept across my mouth as a blush colored my cheeks and I forced my eyes down. "You like my hat?" I wanted to fling myself at him and connect my lips with his.

Sometimes I'm random:
The plane began a tail spin, dropping out of the sky. My heart dropped with it as the pilot ejected. News media claimed the pilot was fine, but I looked at the bruised face attached to the hand I held in the army hospital, willing him to wake.

Gazing in wonder at your tiny fingers and tiny toes, thinking about how people congratulate me for making you, but you were not made by me. You are beautiful, full of hope and promise. I did nothing but carry you and I will carry you for the rest of your life.

Puckering up is lips in thought, he cocked his little head, then declared, "It means you have to say you're sorry?" 
"While you should apologize for a mistake, it means you have to try again." 
"Re-sil-ien-cy" 
"Kids have it. Adults don't."

And then I dream:
I saw you and I found my feet flying towards you, huge smile bringing tears. First I hugged you, held you, felt your warmth and strength as some tears leaked out. I sniffed and blinked, backing up to look in wonder at your face. Was this real?
https://hawkandyoung.wordpress.com/2018/06/14/ellysian-empire-united-under-one-banner/

Trust Takes These Three Things

I've always thought that I would write a book about Love. I have notes and research on Love and even made a little powerpoint to share some of my ideas and my perspective on Love.

The problem is, Love is a HUGE topic. There are many facets to it and I have never found my niche in the topic.

Until today.

It's not really Love that I'm an expert in. Who is. really?? It's Trust.

Trust is a key element in relationships and one that I take very seriously. Can you Love someone deeply, wholly, and fully if you can't Trust them? No.

Trust is hard-won and not easily given out. I know I guard my Trust with impenetrable walls. I don't let people even prove their trustworthiness to me without several tests. It might make me a doubter to not Trust others right away, but you learn to protect yourself and to see red flags that indicate a person might not be honest.

When your Trust is broken, you are hurt. You suffer. You learn to guard it more closely and not give out your heart so easily.

But you have to give it out again. It might take a while to make this decision after you've been hurt. The healing process should take at least as long as the build up of the relationship to the hurtful moment. So if you knew someone for 3 years and then they turned on you, it might take 3 years for you to forgive them, forget some of their tresspasses, and begin to Trust someone else.

So what does it take to Trust?

It takes three things.



1. Reliability - Keeping Promises. A person must prove that they do exactly what they say they are going to do. This can be a simple as calling you when they say they are going to call you. If they say, "Hey, I'm gonna call you right back," and they never do or have some excuse that's lame for not doing so, they haven't passed the first test of Trust.

This is the easiest series of tests. You can entrust them with more and more promises and if they keep them, they are well on their way to breaking through to your inner walls.



2. Acceptance - For who you are. Trust is earned when a person truly accepts you for who you are, no matter what was in your past. They don't gossip about your past, brag that they 'fixed' you, nor act like they are better than you. If they act like they 'saved' you. they are still seeing the past you and they have the potential to pull that wildcard out and accuse you of reverting to said behavior so they can 'save' you again. Instead, they encourage you, listen to you, and believe that you can be awesome. They won't try to beat you at everything in life and accept your successes.

This is harder to prove and takes more time with the person. If you are in Love with them at this point, you might not see that they think they are your savior and will be blindsided later by their competition and wanting to be better than you. If they don't exhibit trait number three, that is.



3. Honesty - Not saying what others want to hear. You're probably hanging out a lot with this person and you might witness their interactions with other friends. Do they talk bad about them behind their backs? Do they tell the others what they think they want to hear? Don't fool yourself into thinking that they would not do the same behind your back. They would.

Honesty is an inherent trait in those that are trustworthy and is present at the Reliability stage. You will witness it in their explanations for being late or asking for forgiveness for breaking a promise. You will see it in their Acceptance, as they tell you what they really think about people like you, how they struggle with concepts and are learning, or how they deal with situations. If you are seeking a relationship with a person and they go behind others' backs with their words, hiding their true feelings, then they can easily hide their feelings from you.

These three things I value most in a friend. I will Love you with all my being and forever if I can Trust you. I am honest in keeping my promises and will not promise things I cannot do. If you ask and I think I cannot do it, I will let you know my anxieties. If I'm telling you my anxieties, I expect you to share yours at some point in return.

I can Accept you where you are right now and encourage you to be a better you. If I struggle with the lifestyle you led before, I will talk with you about it to gain clarity. I expect honesty and clarity in return. I expect answers to my questions, or if it is too painful for you, honestly tell me that you wish not to tell me right now.

Trust is a huge part of Love. If you want to get into my inner circle, closest to my heart, you have to pass these tests of Trust. I hold the closest walls shut tight for fear of really hurting in betrayal. Sometimes I feel like no one really 'knows' me because of this, but actually, people do. They can see over that wall and into my true being if they get that close. They figure me out like the final puzzle to win the key to my heart. That's when I know it is safe to give it.

Self-Reflection and a Call to Action

I'm in a place to do some self-reflecting today. I've needed a 'mental health' day for a while now. I put those off and I really shouldn't. Sometimes I get a little bit of self-reflection at church, but that is not nearly enough.

Looking back over this blog, I see that I talk about 'balance', 'well-being', 'mental health', and 'love', 'happiness', 'marriage', or 'friendship' most often. I think that is my niche. Besides writing, of course.


I am highly introspective. Not everyone is. In fact, if you know you are feeling or acting crazy, you most likely can figure a way out of it, whether that crazy is manic or depressive.

So, if you aren't introspective, you probably need advice. I love to bounce ideas off of people, I just never considered myself an expert of any kind, nor do I profess to have all the answers. I feel my posts are pretty lame. Who am I to give out tips?

While I hold no degrees nor certifications, I do have a wealth of knowledge that may be of service to others. Is there anything you've read about in my posts that you want to know more about?



If you want to Create a Clear Vision for Tackling Your Weakest Areas of Well-Being, email me.
elshahawk1@gmail. Together we can Uncover the Inner Thoughts that Sabotage Your Happiness. Leave Renewed, Reenergized, and Inspired to Finally have the Confidence to Be the Best YOU!

Find Balance in your Life! Have a Wealth of Well-Being! Together we can hold each other up.

Invest in Yourself.

10 Signs of Relationship Abuse

I felt compelled to help those who may be experiencing abusive relationships. There is help. There is a way out. Find someone to talk to and a safe place to go. Call the hotline if you are in the United States, and learn what hotlines or resources there are in your country. Don't stay in an abusive relationship.

http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

• 1-800-799-7233
• 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Soulmate

Most people think their spouse is supposed to be their soulmate.

I know I did.

I think this belief is propagated in Disney Princess movies. Our Prince Charming, Aladdin, Eric, or Flynn is supposed to be perfect and someone we can live happily ever after with.



Did you know that you can have more than one soulmate?

I'm not talking about polygamy, polyamory, adultery, or any of that stuff.

I'm talking about redefining the term Soulmate.


Sounds right. Thanks Dawson's Creek.

But no where does it say that this person has to be your spouse, the opposite gender, or the same age. No where does it say that this person remains in your life forever. No where does it say that this isn't several people, who may or may not be in your life at the same time.

At different times of our lives we will need and want different types of relationships.

How do you know if you have found a soulmate?

1. Indescribable Connection

Firstly, you will feel a sense of having known this person for all of your life. They will 'get' you. You will 'get' them. 

• You may experience HUGE changes when you meet. You may shift directions entirely. You may experience emotions you never knew you could feel - extreme highs and lows.

2. Intertwining passions 

This is probably how you will meet. You both will love the same things. When you get together and work on those things, you will challenge and inspire each other to greater heights than ever before. You feel the need to team up and conquer something.

When we get together we pop off like Fourth of July - Hollyn

3. Complete Ease

There is no guilt, no nerves, no shame when you are around your soul mate. Despite what society, religion, culture, has to say, when you two are together, everything is perfect. No one has to understand you, but you.

• You will know what the other person is thinking or feeling intuitively.

4. Mutual Growth

Lastly, you both will grow together. You learn from each other's failures and when you are apart, you still grow and learn. You bring out the best in each other.

The hard part:

Sometimes, once the lesson is learned, the person will drift away, having completed their mission. You will never forget them.

Here's the part you need to understand.

This is not the same as a Life Partner.

Soulmates can be your Life Partner, but they don't have to be. It's only in recent times that we expect our spouses to be in tune to us. Think about it.

(Or read here.)

Your spouse is your Life Partner.

What is a Life Partner?

• Your relationship is based on being physically present and creating new memories.
• You both feel a sense of financial and emotional stability by being together.
• You resonate with each others beliefs, ideas or religion/philosophy.
• Your relationship is based on logical or intellectual decisions.
• You get along like best friends- your relationship does not suffer from extremes.
• You enjoy getting to know each other and learn about your differences and similarities- everything about each other feels new and exciting.
• You feel attracted to each other physically and resonate with each others values.

http://foreverconscious.com/the-difference-between-soulmates-and-life-partners

This distinction has helped me greatly and I hope it helps you, too.

Championing for Students Who Fall in the Cracks

Back to school is a busy time for me: classroom set-up, lesson planning, copying, new unhappy parents...

I am a teacher and a parent in the United States. I was going through teacher training as changes were already made and being implemented in the fields of Standardized Testing and Special Education. I held some strong beliefs back then about both and I still have them now, even as I've watched the two areas merge.

The parent I talked to held to the belief that students were put into Special Education to fill a 'quota' so the school could get their 'money' from the government. This father was right, however, the student in question wasn't attending a Title I school. I didn't talk about this fact, go into any politics, rather, my focus was on the student.

His concern was valid for his child, that his child was placed, or tracked, into the wrong 'track' for him.

This is what I was championing for back in college. This is what I would grow combative over, what made my heart both bleed and rage; students who fall through the cracks and get left behind in a system that doesn't cater to the 'in-betweens'.

In this case, the student and his dedicated family were not given the chance to learn what the skills he needs to succeed. They were told the school was doing what was best and the student was thriving and doing well. Sure, when you don't challenge a student to their full potential and he picks up on everything easily because he's not 'dumb', then he will thrive. He will look like a star.

But as he grows up, he will not be given the same opportunities once he is 'tracked' into a low achieving education system. The barriers that existed when he was small do not exist now that he is older. The excuses they used to place him are no longer valid. It's time for him to fly.

As a teacher, I have an obligation to push my students, to teach them as much as they can learn. I have an obligation to challenge myself to learn more to stay ahead of them.

I feel this is my calling, this role, to champion for the little guys who get stuck in the cracks. I'm donning my armor and getting ready for this fight. It might take 3 years to get him on 'track', but it will be worth it.

New Doghouse and Firepit = New Backyard

I wanted to share some of the things that made me happy this week. For one, we FINALLY finished building the new doghouse.

We added a covered wing for lounging. It is a doggy resort and spa now with the pool. Sadly, I noticed two small holes in the pool. They are high enough on the sides to allow a decent amount of water to remain, but that means a new pool for next year.




Secondly, since the old doghouses needed to be burned and my fire bowl was destroyed, I needed that fire pit I've been dreaming of for years.



Here's a couple videos of the demolition.

Sorry the second one is tilted. I don't know why it didn't auto adjust during filming. I know I'm supposed to film in landscape, not portrait, so I turned it, but it didn't turn with me!

With the new firepit and new doggie resort, it feels like a new backyard. Cleaning up and creating a space for something I love, fire, is a great investment.

Get on With Living and Loving

I made this meme using a quote and an image:

I like the way the devil and the angel remind us about eternity, while also about living and loving to the fullest in one image.

Plus, it's pretty hot! I saw it years ago and saved it. If you know who made it, let me know so I can give proper credit.

My husband said, "Hey, I just said that last night!" because he did say we'd better spend whatever time we have together before we don't have it anymore. As you get older, the years tick by faster and faster.

It also reminds me not to play it safe. Sometimes we have to take risks, little leaps of faith, put our trust in people or things in order to get to accomplish our goals; step out of our comfort zones.

Be intentional today.

Identify what you want your life to communicate and contribute, then set some goals.

Again,

1. What do you want to contribute with your life? 
2. What is your message?
3. How will you get there? What steps do you have to take?

Overraction: What Do You Do If Things Get Out of Hand?

A friend said, what happens if you face your fear and the reaction is WORSE than you expected??

This is a valid question. I shouldn't say that if you face your fears, everything will work out okay. Sometimes it doesn't work out okay.

Step One: Reevaluate the situation. If you have time afterwards to debrief, review with yourself why things got so out of hand. What was said, by whom, when did the emotions really amp up? What was the turning point?

(I had a co-worker, the same one in the previous post, who became irate at one point in the course of our working together at the working situations. They pointed all failures at me. Our conversation was documented, by me, as I tried to puzzle out what else to do.)

Step Two: Perhaps you need to apologize for something you said, but don’t make excuses and promise not to do it again. You have to do it again! This was your fear, and it will remain in control of you if you don’t figure out a way around it.

(I don't remember making excuses, but continuing to try new things. I don't remember apologizing, either, which may have been a mistake, but the situation was a condition of our employment and these things happen. We can't prevent them all. I reached out to my support team for strategies. We had to deal with this and face it every day.)

Step Three: Prepare yourself mentally. Next time you need a new game plan. Explain how and why you are feeling what you are feeling as they happen. Yes, even out loud to another person. Communication helps you gain perspective and ground you and calm you.

(I had to help explain how the person in crisis was feeling. During crisis, I had to remind my team of procedure, the agreed upon steps to try from my support team and training. We had to debrief, what worked, what didn't, after the crisis moment was over. Then we could plan for the next time.)