I remember envisioning my future as a teenager. What girl doesn't imagine her future? It's a time when you consider college and family and moving out on your own. I always pictured a white picket fence and a big Victorian house with flower gardens and lots of pets and a happy flock of children. I thought back then that I would adopt kids or foster them. I never imagined the hard work it would take to acquire those things. I wanted beauty, color, peace, and sunshine.
I still want beauty, color, peace, and sunshine!
I never imagined the husband I would have, or what job I would do. I knew I would teach and be a mom and counsel. I didn't know in what order. Hey, I was flexible in my planning!
I still am.
I set goals short term, mostly. I haven't thought about where I see myself in 10 years, or heck even at the end of this one!
This is bad because it proves to me that I have no job prospects, no desire for a career. This stems from the past 6 years trying everything to build my reputation as a teacher. I had one awesome semester, where I proved to myself and to that elementary school that I could do it. But an opportunity exactly like that one has fizzled into non-existence. My drive to be that person has disappeared.
But not thinking ahead is also good because I can live in the moment. I also don't get worked up if a part of my Grand Plan fails.
Right now I am a writer. I've been storing up writing in notebooks and on post-its, on websites, and finishing projects during nano. My short term goals involve editing and coming up with a completed project through blood, sweat, and tears that I can fully support.
Writing is not a typical career, with salary and benefits. It is rewarding and satisfying.
So here's the dilemma I've been in for months now, job or write: how to be housemom, mother, writer, and bread earner?
Where does that leave my future? Still undecided.
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