Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year, My Love!

Day 1: Your Current Relationship

When you think about living a new year to its fullest and cherishing moments and people because they are most important to you, you think first and foremost about your closest circle of friends and family. No one is closer than your spouse.

I am so fortunate to have someone who has been with me for almost 12 years, almost 9 years married, who still thinks I am beautiful, still puts me and our relationship first, still wants to take me out on dates, and still misses me enough to text me 3 times a day from work.

There are times during the day when something happens, maybe a cute kid saying, maybe an ironic commercial, maybe a stupid driver on the road caused a freak accident, and I just want to tell him right away. He's still my best friend.

I recently became so enraged at the kids, I was yelling and nagging and raving and making them cry, and he just grabbed me by the shoulder and shoved me out of their room. I needed that. It was not positive parenting. It was not helping anyone, except me a little to get the frustration out, but I could have done it in a healthier way. I had to go back and tell my kids that I loved them so they wouldn't have bad dreams. My husband knows my limits, and he stepped in to keep me from doing more damage. I am far from perfect.

He cooks dinner (and often breakfast and lunch), reaches for the stuff on the high shelf, fixes my car, shares my thought patterns, changes diapers (though we'd better not have to do that much longer!), washes dishes, and earns the money. Despite the ranting I sometimes do about the heinous things like leaving milk and cereal in the bowl in the sink, he's a great man. He gives massages, pops my back, and keeps me warm at night. He makes me laugh almost every day. Those are the 4 things I love most!

What makes a marriage work is good communication, compromise, and equality.
  • Share your feelings,
  • Use separate bathrooms at times,
  • Help each other,
  • Do things for one another and together,
  • and Keep the spark alive, if you get my drift.

Thank each other, hug each other, kiss, find moments alone, and keep your promises.

One of the best things to do is share your dreams: your goals, your reasons to save money, to motivate you to sit at the computer instead of mopping the floor (okay that's me), and your bucket list.

This is followed by showing you love them, saying you love them, and explaining why, right at this moment you can't do what he asks because you have a naked toddler to chase down, a spill to clean up, and muffins in the oven ready to come out.

I asked him what he wants to see me change in the new year and his response was exactly as I expected: "This is one of those Does-this-make-my-butt-look-fat questions that starts fights. You are perfect as you are." And when I explained that I hadn't meant it that way, he said the other half of how I expected him to, "You have the same goals as last year, you just need to implement them this year." Yes. And I asked if that was sad, because it is sad to me, and he said, "No. You just need to focus on a plan." He's right, and I have been thinking these exact same things.

Happy New Year, My Love, and a toast to making plans!

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