Friday, April 24, 2015

A to Z - "U" is for Undecided

I'm not self-proclaimed the Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision for nothing!

I have a hard time making decisions. I want to weigh every piece of evidence, scrutinize every detail, and listen to every side of the story. I want to hear other opinions, debate with my head and heart, and then come to a very educated conclusion.

Sometimes there is no time for that.

I am the queen of the pregnant pause. It is better to not say anything at all than to say the wrong thing. I process things quickly, but I process many things, foreseeing many possible outcomes in that long pause in which the poor recipient of my decision must wait and must think I am ridiculously slow. My answer must therefore be eloquent and well-thought out, sensei-like, when I finally open my mouth to speak. I hope. I know this is not often the case, but I tried.

There are many areas of my life I am undecided on. I look back and see that my choices for my life have been good, but they may not be the same choices I want to keep making now. Facing change is difficult. It can be both exciting and terrifying.

Being on the cusp of something but in the shadows and unable to see it is not a comfortable place. Not having someone to ask questions of or any kind of guidance but your own intuition is risky. You could fail.

The trick is to learn to not fear failure. I'm not there yet so my decisions are made out of safety and not wanting to fail. There is plenty of room for improvement here! But that means I have to start failing. Gulp.

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1 comment:

T. Powell Coltrin said...

Oh my word, I can't make a decision to save my life. It's so cumbersome. What if it's not the right decision, then I have to live with it. I hate that about me. Other than my indecisiveness, I'm awesome.